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I'm lesbian, but I'm too scared to come out to anyone. watch

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    I'm 18 and lately I've been thinking a lot about how badly I need to tell someone that I'm gay, its getting very painful having to keep this part of me a secret. I have no idea how my parents will react, all I know is that when I made friends with an openly gay guy on a family holiday, she was very uncomfortable with me being around him.

    My fear is that I won't be able to find a girlfriend at uni when I go in October. This will be my main chance to finally be who I am and be with someone I love, something I desparately crave. I come from a background where my parents will disown me if I marry out of the religion, and so it will be hard to find a gay girl of my religion, who I like and likes me.

    I don't know what I'm asking for really, I just really needed to get out these pent up emotions.
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    If your parents would disown you over who you want to ****, they obviously don't care about you very much.
    It seems pretty clear to me that they care more for their religion then you, so my advice is to disregard they think.

    Yes uni is a chance for you to find a girlfriend and you will meet like minded people you'll probably click more with then those at college/school, but remember it's not your only chance. After those 3 years you go into the "real" world and you'll encounter tons of people there as well.

    Honestly, if you think they'll have an issue, just wait till you move out and then they can't do ****
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks
    ur welcome
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18 and lately I've been thinking a lot about how badly I need to tell someone that I'm gay, its getting very painful having to keep this part of me a secret. I have no idea how my parents will react, all I know is that when I made friends with an openly gay guy on a family holiday, she was very uncomfortable with me being around him.

    My fear is that I won't be able to find a girlfriend at uni when I go in October. This will be my main chance to finally be who I am and be with someone I love, something I desparately crave. I come from a background where my parents will disown me if I marry out of the religion, and so it will be hard to find a gay girl of my religion, who I like and likes me.

    I don't know what I'm asking for really, I just really needed to get out these pent up emotions.
    Am I misunderstanding something, or does it not really matter if they're the same religion as you if they're a girl?
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    Have you ever questioned that you might still be attracted to men it is still not too late to save yourself from the hellfires. joking Maybe they would be devastated who knows maybe you should try hinting at it or slowly leaking it. Do they ever mention boyfriends.
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    If your parents are going to stop anything from you such as uni fees/car insurance or whatever then just forget it. Wait until you get older and have enough money to care for yourself.

    Coming out to homophobic parents would do nothing but harm.
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    (Original post by Zargabaath)
    If your parents would disown you over who you want to ****, they obviously don't care about you very much.
    It seems pretty clear to me that they care more for their religion then you, so my advice is to disregard they think.

    Yes uni is a chance for you to find a girlfriend and you will meet like minded people you'll probably click more with then those at college/school, but remember it's not your only chance. After those 3 years you go into the "real" world and you'll encounter tons of people there as well.

    Honestly, if you think they'll have an issue, just wait till you move out and then they can't do ****
    I think that they care more about what the whole community will think of them, and feel like they've failed as parents if I marry out of the religion. I hope to do this, I just hate the thought of having to lie to them and pretend I'm not with a girl.
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    (Original post by SeanFM)
    Am I misunderstanding something, or does it not really matter if they're the same religion as you if they're a girl?
    I get what you're saying. It just seems that if I'm gay and with someone out of the religion, it's like a double whammy of things for them to hate. I feel like maybe if they're at least within the religion then it will somehow lessen the blow of me being gay.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think that they care more about what the whole community will think of them, and feel like they've failed as parents if I marry out of the religion. I hope to do this, I just hate the thought of having to lie to them and pretend I'm not with a girl.
    They're your parents, they should care about your happiness more then anything else.
    IMO they're failing more by making you miserable over something totally acceptable.

    Look, once you aren't dependent on them you wont have to lie about anything.
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    I think you're getting too focused on potentially finding a partner at university. Most universities will have a LBGT society of some sort that you can join and I think the best thing for you will be to find like minded people who you can open up to and be yourself around.

    Then once you are confident in who you you will be in a much better place to find a partner.

    While nothing I have experience with myself, you're far from alone in having parents who would disown you for being gay and often these people create their own family of choice, rather than a family of blood. I suggest you look into something like that if it would help you.

    Good luck!
    • #2
    #2

    Same position minus a year and the religion thing.
    My advice was just to be wait until you are stable yourself at uni before you do anything (i.e your own loans and grants etc).
    Once you get a gf which will become easier at uni they can hardly dispute it and if they disown you (over such a stupid reason but anyway..) then at least you will be able to stand on your own feet.
    My advice would be to wait a while, that is what i am doing because i have figured that it is just easier and 'coming out' wouldn't benefit me anyway cos im not in a position to do anything anyway so it would just complicate things.
    Good luck x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18 and lately I've been thinking a lot about how badly I need to tell someone that I'm gay, its getting very painful having to keep this part of me a secret. I have no idea how my parents will react, all I know is that when I made friends with an openly gay guy on a family holiday, she was very uncomfortable with me being around him.

    My fear is that I won't be able to find a girlfriend at uni when I go in October. This will be my main chance to finally be who I am and be with someone I love, something I desparately crave. I come from a background where my parents will disown me if I marry out of the religion, and so it will be hard to find a gay girl of my religion, who I like and likes me.

    I don't know what I'm asking for really, I just really needed to get out these pent up emotions.
    Wait until you have a girlfriend to tell your parents.

    To meet other girls, perhaps you should start posting here without using the anonymous function.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18 and lately I've been thinking a lot about how badly I need to tell someone that I'm gay, its getting very painful having to keep this part of me a secret. I have no idea how my parents will react, all I know is that when I made friends with an openly gay guy on a family holiday, she was very uncomfortable with me being around him.

    My fear is that I won't be able to find a girlfriend at uni when I go in October. This will be my main chance to finally be who I am and be with someone I love, something I desparately crave. I come from a background where my parents will disown me if I marry out of the religion, and so it will be hard to find a gay girl of my religion, who I like and likes me.

    I don't know what I'm asking for really, I just really needed to get out these pent up emotions.
    Is there a friend you can come out to? Sorry you don't feel like you can come out, but once you do it can be so much better. But if you do decide to come out to your parents and you think it may not go well, make sure that it is in a safe space, contact friends for support if it doesn't go well, or perhaps contact Stonewall UK. They are a LGBT charity and can give you advice on how to approach the situation.
 
 
 
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