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    Hi,

    It's my friend's birthday - let's call them Liam - in a few days. I've known him for 3 years and we're quite close. We'd arranged to have a meal together on Wednesday and hang out so I can give him his presents - it's after my exam and I knew I'd be tired, but I agreed because he's my friend and it's his birthday.

    I was going to meet up at 3.30 then go for food. I went out and bought his present, was excited to hang out, etc, but then on Tuesday night he texted me and said "I'm meeting up with (two of his 'friends' from work) at 5." and then proceeded to tell me I can come to town at 3.30, meet him, help him pick out toiletries for his birthday, and wait around until his friends come so he can go for a celebration meal with them.

    I told him I'm not going to go into town (it'll cost me £3 just to get there) just to help him pick out toiletries. Am I being unreasonable in being hurt by what he's done? I just feel incredibly second rate; as soon as another offer came up he ditches me, but still expects me to go be okay with helping him do something until his 'friends' turn up so he can go for a meal with them? Am I the only one that thinks that's seriously ****ed up?

    TL;DR: Friend ditches me for plans for his birthday to go with his friends from work, still expects me to help him buy toiletries for his holiday. Is that ****ed up?
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    I don't understand his reasoning for not inviting you for dinner with his work friends. He cancels a celebration dinner with you, so he can have a celebration dinner with people that are more worthwhile. Uh-huh.

    I'd be peeved off too. And probably slowly ease off contact after that.
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    (Original post by Another)
    I don't understand his reasoning for not inviting you for dinner with his work friends. He cancels a celebration dinner with you, so he can have a celebration dinner with people that are more worthwhile. Uh-huh.

    I'd be peeved off too. And probably slowly ease off contact after that.
    I didn't really understand why I wasn't invited either - I've met his work friends before (one of them goes to our college).
    Thank you for your response - it's good to know I'm not being unreasonably hurt lol.
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    Also adding on that the work friend and I get along when she is there. It's solely him being a **** lmao
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    Sounds like a right ********. I'd get rid.
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    My response is going to be slightly different to the others.

    It's his birthday; his special day. This means he can choose to do whatever he wants, and unfortunately what he wants to do is go for a meal with 2 mates from work rather than with you. I know it's very hurtful, upsetting and possibly angering for him to make this decision, but it's his choice and what he wants to do. And as his friend you should respect the choice that he wants to do and what he feels will make him have more of an enjoyable birthday.

    Don't get me wrong, I completely understand how and why this has made you feel the way you have and honestly I would feel the same if it was me - replaced, worthless, not good enough. I don't agree with his decision and I think what he has done is thoughtless and inconsiderate, but at the end of the day it is his birthday and he has made his choice (which you should definitely remember in the future!!)

    I know you are hurt by his decision, however, you mustn't forget that this one of your closest friends. Holding a grudge/being stubborn about not going to see him on his birthday is nowhere near as valuable as your friendship with him. Quite possibly this decision may fracture your relationship further.

    In my opinion, I believe he has invited you to go toiletry shopping is an attempt of trying to make it up to you and show you that he appreciates your friendship and still wants to see you on his birthday - not take advantage of you - and quite possibly demonstrating that he is sorry that he cancelled the plans with you. I think that you should go toiletry shopping with him even though you don't think it's fair on you, it'll cost you £3 and it's not the most exciting of activities. As I've said, it is his birthday after all and it would be kind of you to see your friend on his birthday in order to spend some time with him, make him happy and wish him a happy birthday.

    I fell out with my bestest and closest friend I have ever had just over a year ago now, and it still makes me upset to this day. This is why I am trying to convince you to not let little things get to you and destroy your relationship because IT IS SO NOT WORTH IT. The friendship is way more valuable. Come on man, it's your close friend's birthday, it's his day, go wish him happy birthday and spend some time with him because that'll make him happy!! And keeping, valuing and appreciating your relationship with him will make you happy!!
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    (Original post by 4398)
    My response is going to be slightly different to the others.

    It's his birthday; his special day. This means he can choose to do whatever he wants, and unfortunately what he wants to do is go for a meal with 2 mates from work rather than with you. I know it's very hurtful, upsetting and possibly angering for him to make this decision, but it's his choice and what he wants to do. And as his friend you should respect the choice that he wants to do and what he feels will make him have more of an enjoyable birthday.

    Don't get me wrong, I completely understand how and why this has made you feel the way you have and honestly I would feel the same if it was me - replaced, worthless, not good enough. I don't agree with his decision and I think what he has done is thoughtless and inconsiderate, but at the end of the day it is his birthday and he has made his choice (which you should definitely remember in the future!!)

    I know you are hurt by his decision, however, you mustn't forget that this one of your closest friends. Holding a grudge/being stubborn about not going to see him on his birthday is nowhere near as valuable as your friendship with him. Quite possibly this decision may fracture your relationship further.

    In my opinion, I believe he has invited you to go toiletry shopping is an attempt of trying to make it up to you and show you that he appreciates your friendship and still wants to see you on his birthday - not take advantage of you - and quite possibly demonstrating that he is sorry that he cancelled the plans with you. I think that you should go toiletry shopping with him even though you don't think it's fair on you, it'll cost you £3 and it's not the most exciting of activities. As I've said, it is his birthday after all and it would be kind of you to see your friend on his birthday in order to spend some time with him, make him happy and wish him a happy birthday.

    I fell out with my bestest and closest friend I have ever had just over a year ago now, and it still makes me upset to this day. This is why I am trying to convince you to not let little things get to you and destroy your relationship because IT IS SO NOT WORTH IT. The friendship is way more valuable. Come on man, it's your close friend's birthday, it's his day, go wish him happy birthday and spend some time with him because that'll make him happy!! And keeping, valuing and appreciating your relationship with him will make you happy!!
    If they are happy to invite you out then ditch you with no good reason (when they could easily have just invited all of you out), they clearly don't see you as much of a friend. Regardless of how you see them. Inviting you to help them pick out toiletries so they can smell nice while going out later is not a compromise, it's using the OP.

    Life is too short for onesided relationships.
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    (Original post by 4398)
    My response is going to be slightly different to the others.

    It's his birthday; his special day. This means he can choose to do whatever he wants, and unfortunately what he wants to do is go for a meal with 2 mates from work rather than with you. I know it's very hurtful, upsetting and possibly angering for him to make this decision, but it's his choice and what he wants to do. And as his friend you should respect the choice that he wants to do and what he feels will make him have more of an enjoyable birthday.

    Don't get me wrong, I completely understand how and why this has made you feel the way you have and honestly I would feel the same if it was me - replaced, worthless, not good enough. I don't agree with his decision and I think what he has done is thoughtless and inconsiderate, but at the end of the day it is his birthday and he has made his choice (which you should definitely remember in the future!!)

    I know you are hurt by his decision, however, you mustn't forget that this one of your closest friends. Holding a grudge/being stubborn about not going to see him on his birthday is nowhere near as valuable as your friendship with him. Quite possibly this decision may fracture your relationship further.

    In my opinion, I believe he has invited you to go toiletry shopping is an attempt of trying to make it up to you and show you that he appreciates your friendship and still wants to see you on his birthday - not take advantage of you - and quite possibly demonstrating that he is sorry that he cancelled the plans with you. I think that you should go toiletry shopping with him even though you don't think it's fair on you, it'll cost you £3 and it's not the most exciting of activities. As I've said, it is his birthday after all and it would be kind of you to see your friend on his birthday in order to spend some time with him, make him happy and wish him a happy birthday.

    I fell out with my bestest and closest friend I have ever had just over a year ago now, and it still makes me upset to this day. This is why I am trying to convince you to not let little things get to you and destroy your relationship because IT IS SO NOT WORTH IT. The friendship is way more valuable. Come on man, it's your close friend's birthday, it's his day, go wish him happy birthday and spend some time with him because that'll make him happy!! And keeping, valuing and appreciating your relationship with him will make you happy!!
    I wish I had friends like you. You're low maintenance, and you give off a door mat vibe.
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    (Original post by Another)
    I wish I had friends like you. You're low maintenance, and you give off a door mat vibe.
    What do you mean by 'off a door mat vibe?
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    (Original post by 4398)
    My response is going to be slightly different to the others.

    It's his birthday; his special day. This means he can choose to do whatever he wants, and unfortunately what he wants to do is go for a meal with 2 mates from work rather than with you. I know it's very hurtful, upsetting and possibly angering for him to make this decision, but it's his choice and what he wants to do. And as his friend you should respect the choice that he wants to do and what he feels will make him have more of an enjoyable birthday.

    Don't get me wrong, I completely understand how and why this has made you feel the way you have and honestly I would feel the same if it was me - replaced, worthless, not good enough. I don't agree with his decision and I think what he has done is thoughtless and inconsiderate, but at the end of the day it is his birthday and he has made his choice (which you should definitely remember in the future!!)

    I know you are hurt by his decision, however, you mustn't forget that this one of your closest friends. Holding a grudge/being stubborn about not going to see him on his birthday is nowhere near as valuable as your friendship with him. Quite possibly this decision may fracture your relationship further.

    In my opinion, I believe he has invited you to go toiletry shopping is an attempt of trying to make it up to you and show you that he appreciates your friendship and still wants to see you on his birthday - not take advantage of you - and quite possibly demonstrating that he is sorry that he cancelled the plans with you. I think that you should go toiletry shopping with him even though you don't think it's fair on you, it'll cost you £3 and it's not the most exciting of activities. As I've said, it is his birthday after all and it would be kind of you to see your friend on his birthday in order to spend some time with him, make him happy and wish him a happy birthday.

    I fell out with my bestest and closest friend I have ever had just over a year ago now, and it still makes me upset to this day. This is why I am trying to convince you to not let little things get to you and destroy your relationship because IT IS SO NOT WORTH IT. The friendship is way more valuable. Come on man, it's your close friend's birthday, it's his day, go wish him happy birthday and spend some time with him because that'll make him happy!! And keeping, valuing and appreciating your relationship with him will make you happy!!

    What a load of *******s. She should tell him the truth because what he did is incredibly insulting and real friends do not do that to each other and he will go onto doing worse things by not inviting her to other things because he is incredibly selfish. She needs to ask him why he didnt invite her to go with his other friends.
    And she should not worry about ruining the friendship by telling him she was hurt by what he did.
    Toiletry shopping ? What a joke, he's taking the piss. Who the hell goes toiletry shopping anyway ?
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    (Original post by 4398)
    What do you mean by 'off a door mat vibe?
    Door mat means you let people walk all over you but i dont think that's true because you obviously miss your friend and regret whatever happened between you both and you wish you had done things differently then you would not have lost a friend so you dont want that to happen to someone else.
    But i say **** that friend as they were no good to begin with if they are that unforgiving.
    Ive known a friend since i was a teenager and i text her 3 months before christmas last year about some of the things she does to me which are really selfish. She seemed to be ok about me being honest about teling her but then i text her that her mum is too old to work ( her mum is 80 ) but i apologised as soon as she said she and her mum were upset id text that but she never contacted me again ever since. But i dont regret texting that because it was true and thats not the worse thing you can ever say about someone.
    Im sure other friends have said much worse things to each other.
    I dont regret what i text because i did apologise and if someone is that unforgiving then they were never real friends to begin with.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,

    It's my friend's birthday - let's call them Liam - in a few days. I've known him for 3 years and we're quite close. We'd arranged to have a meal together on Wednesday and hang out so I can give him his presents - it's after my exam and I knew I'd be tired, but I agreed because he's my friend and it's his birthday.

    I was going to meet up at 3.30 then go for food. I went out and bought his present, was excited to hang out, etc, but then on Tuesday night he texted me and said "I'm meeting up with (two of his 'friends' from work) at 5." and then proceeded to tell me I can come to town at 3.30, meet him, help him pick out toiletries for his birthday, and wait around until his friends come so he can go for a celebration meal with them.

    I told him I'm not going to go into town (it'll cost me £3 just to get there) just to help him pick out toiletries. Am I being unreasonable in being hurt by what he's done? I just feel incredibly second rate; as soon as another offer came up he ditches me, but still expects me to go be okay with helping him do something until his 'friends' turn up so he can go for a meal with them? Am I the only one that thinks that's seriously ****ed up?

    TL;DR: Friend ditches me for plans for his birthday to go with his friends from work, still expects me to help him buy toiletries for his holiday. Is that ****ed up?
    Thats really ****ed up you need to ask him why he didnt invite you to the meal with all of them and tell him toiletry shopping is a **** compromise. Id be offended if anyone suggested that to me instead of going for a meal
    Ask him how he would feel if you did that to him.
    Say this to him, Toiletry shopping or going out for a nice meal, which one would he choose ?
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    Sounds like he's been so blasé about being an ass that it's almost like he's hiding something else. If you don't hide your disgust you can wait to see if he apologises and provides better explanation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,

    It's my friend's birthday - let's call them Liam - in a few days. I've known him for 3 years and we're quite close. We'd arranged to have a meal together on Wednesday and hang out so I can give him his presents - it's after my exam and I knew I'd be tired, but I agreed because he's my friend and it's his birthday.

    I was going to meet up at 3.30 then go for food. I went out and bought his present, was excited to hang out, etc, but then on Tuesday night he texted me and said "I'm meeting up with (two of his 'friends' from work) at 5." and then proceeded to tell me I can come to town at 3.30, meet him, help him pick out toiletries for his birthday, and wait around until his friends come so he can go for a celebration meal with them.

    I told him I'm not going to go into town (it'll cost me £3 just to get there) just to help him pick out toiletries. Am I being unreasonable in being hurt by what he's done? I just feel incredibly second rate; as soon as another offer came up he ditches me, but still expects me to go be okay with helping him do something until his 'friends' turn up so he can go for a meal with them? Am I the only one that thinks that's seriously ****ed up?

    TL;DR: Friend ditches me for plans for his birthday to go with his friends from work, still expects me to help him buy toiletries for his holiday. Is that ****ed up?
    Im not sure if your male or female so in my replies i should have wrote he / she and not her
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    Sometimes even the closet friends can do really crappy things, but like someone said above it's their birthday and probably not worth falling out over (if it happens repeatedly then yes, fall out with them)

    I lost a very close friend of 10 years after months of her dropping/ignoring me because her new relationship made her too busy. At the time I was angry and thought kicking off was the best thing to do.

    2 years later how do I feel?
    Well, I still feel like she deserved it but I regret and miss her everyday and wish I sorted it out better - because before her boyfriend came around she was a great friend.

    Let this one slide, go shopping with him - but if it keeps happening - then have a calm word with him. People make mistakes sometimes and are selfish and have bad judgement. But it really isn't worth the aftermath of losing a friendship and him forever hating you for being mean to him on his birthday.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,

    It's my friend's birthday - let's call them Liam - in a few days. I've known him for 3 years and we're quite close. We'd arranged to have a meal together on Wednesday and hang out so I can give him his presents - it's after my exam and I knew I'd be tired, but I agreed because he's my friend and it's his birthday.

    I was going to meet up at 3.30 then go for food. I went out and bought his present, was excited to hang out, etc, but then on Tuesday night he texted me and said "I'm meeting up with (two of his 'friends' from work) at 5." and then proceeded to tell me I can come to town at 3.30, meet him, help him pick out toiletries for his birthday, and wait around until his friends come so he can go for a celebration meal with them.

    I told him I'm not going to go into town (it'll cost me £3 just to get there) just to help him pick out toiletries. Am I being unreasonable in being hurt by what he's done? I just feel incredibly second rate; as soon as another offer came up he ditches me, but still expects me to go be okay with helping him do something until his 'friends' turn up so he can go for a meal with them? Am I the only one that thinks that's seriously ****ed up?

    TL;DR: Friend ditches me for plans for his birthday to go with his friends from work, still expects me to help him buy toiletries for his holiday. Is that ****ed up?
    Do not go toiletry shopping with him, he's a ****. But just try to forgive him for being a selfish pig because no one is perfect but toiletry shopping is extremely insulting. Just meet up with him next time when you have more money.
    If he's unhappy if you don't go that's his problem because he should have invited you to the meal with his other friends
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    I'm shocked at the number of people who have so many regrets about cutting crappy people out of their lives. I've had to cut out a couple by deleting/blocking and never speaking to them again and still regard it as one of the best decisions I've ever made.
 
 
 
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