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    it's just i don't know what to do anymore.

    [BACK STORY]when I was 5 my parents left the country to find a good job/home and left me with my 2 grandparents. I used to always move between them, to my moms parents for one week, another week to my dads parents. it went like this for two years until when i was 7 my grandpa(moms dad) passed away from cancer. I had to stay with my other grandparents for a long period and i was traumatized because of his death(you might say it couldn't have affected me because of such young age but no, i knew what had happened and what it meant and I still remember going to the funeral, seeing my grandpa in a coffin, pale and skinny because of what cancer did to him). after about 6 months then my grandma dies because of a failed surgery. right after that a week later my parents come home whom i didn't see now for years and take me to a new country leaving my friends and everything that affected me behind. so now, after all that i'm in a new country where i know no one and don't even know how to say hello. i have to learn everything from the start, because i was 8 and people started school here at the age of 4 i was very much behind and it was hard for me to keep up not counting i had no friends at all and no one to turn to, everyone bullied me because of that. but i managed, i'm 16 now, finished school, the exams and im now just waiting for the results. problem is, i dont know what to do now when school is finished. I've got no social skills at all because i've literally had no friends since the day I came here which is 8 years now, i dont go outside because of that so i just sit on my PC all day playing video games and I don't see myself getting anywhere in the future, im dumb as ****, very awkward and just such an easy target to bully, when i started school i used to be some what still of a normal kid, i "tried" to get friends and failed. when I was bullied I tried telling a teacher or something but they literally laughed in my face, when i only came here i tried to tell the teacher what was happening but they literally laughed in my face(imagine a 40 year old woman laughing and shouting in a face of an 8 year old boy who is getting bullied), when i came to highschool i knew that teachers didn't do jack **** so i tried fighting back, only to realise with each fight i was pushing away all my classmates further and further away to the point of them looking at me like an animal and teachers hating me even more, because look, "an immigrant is viciously attacking students at his school for no apparent reason".[QUESTION]my real question is, has the death of my 2 grandparents and then a sudden move to a whole new country where i was isolated from everyone affected me somehow and is the reason for me being aggressive, dumb, and awkward to the point where i have now gave up on social life, i'm going to NRC soon and im planning not to make any friends, just keep my head low and try be invisible because i know its just same **** over again, hard lads trying to pick on me "an easy target", i know i cant do anything now because if i ask for help from a teacher i get laughed at, if i fight back i isolate myself even more.Has this all really affected me and is the reason for me being me or is it just an excuse im trying to find to cover the problems i actually have and just can't see.am i just trying to find something else to blame besides myself?
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    You need to sort the paragraphs out if you wnat more people to read it.
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    (Original post by Sugardaddy69)
    it's just i don't know what to do anymore.

    [BACK STORY]when I was 5 my parents left the country to find a good job/home and left me with my 2 grandparents. I used to always move between them, to my moms parents for one week, another week to my dads parents. it went like this for two years until when i was 7 my grandpa(moms dad) passed away from cancer. I had to stay with my other grandparents for a long period and i was traumatized because of his death(you might say it couldn't have affected me because of such young age but no, i knew what had happened and what it meant and I still remember going to the funeral, seeing my grandpa in a coffin, pale and skinny because of what cancer did to him). after about 6 months then my grandma dies because of a failed surgery. right after that a week later my parents come home whom i didn't see now for years and take me to a new country leaving my friends and everything that affected me behind. so now, after all that i'm in a new country where i know no one and don't even know how to say hello. i have to learn everything from the start, because i was 8 and people started school here at the age of 4 i was very much behind and it was hard for me to keep up not counting i had no friends at all and no one to turn to, everyone bullied me because of that. but i managed, i'm 16 now, finished school, the exams and im now just waiting for the results. problem is, i dont know what to do now when school is finished. I've got no social skills at all because i've literally had no friends since the day I came here which is 8 years now, i dont go outside because of that so i just sit on my PC all day playing video games and I don't see myself getting anywhere in the future, im dumb as ****, very awkward and just such an easy target to bully, when i started school i used to be some what still of a normal kid, i "tried" to get friends and failed. when I was bullied I tried telling a teacher or something but they literally laughed in my face, when i only came here i tried to tell the teacher what was happening but they literally laughed in my face(imagine a 40 year old woman laughing and shouting in a face of an 8 year old boy who is getting bullied), when i came to highschool i knew that teachers didn't do jack **** so i tried fighting back, only to realise with each fight i was pushing away all my classmates further and further away to the point of them looking at me like an animal and teachers hating me even more, because look, "an immigrant is viciously attacking students at his school for no apparent reason".[QUESTION]my real question is, has the death of my 2 grandparents and then a sudden move to a whole new country where i was isolated from everyone affected me somehow and is the reason for me being aggressive, dumb, and awkward to the point where i have now gave up on social life, i'm going to NRC soon and im planning not to make any friends, just keep my head low and try be invisible because i know its just same **** over again, hard lads trying to pick on me "an easy target", i know i cant do anything now because if i ask for help from a teacher i get laughed at, if i fight back i isolate myself even more.Has this all really affected me and is the reason for me being me or is it just an excuse im trying to find to cover the problems i actually have and just can't see.am i just trying to find something else to blame besides myself?
    I would say sometimes life is hard but everything can and will get better. Try and be kind in every situation possible and the kindess should be reciprocated
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    Im sorry to hear that you've had a very rough life. :hugs:
    Everything in life has an effect on you in some way or another. Death of close relatives and a move to a new country would have had particularly big impact on you, especially at a young age when your brain is in rapid development. There might be elements of genetics etc but childhood environment as far as I know has a lot of effect.

    I did not have a particularly peaceful childhood either, including moving to a new country without any knowledge of the language, abuse and witnessing a number of traumatic events. I pushed aside all of them for a long time and did not believe that they had that much of an effect on me. But recently my mental health started to go downhill and started seeing a psychologist. I'm starting to connect my past and the present problems and am learning why I think and behave the way I do, and how to cope with the difficulties. It is a very eye opening experience so if you can afford I also recommend you go to therapy.
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    It is possible that the ordeals you've gone through have made you aggressive but by the sounds of it, you're only aggressive when being picked on which is like everyone else, just out of curiosity, is it the UK you parents made you move to? As for you going into NRC, I presume that's a college, college is a lot better, I don't recall any bullying in college to anyone, we were all there for our education, the time wasters that were bullying and other things ended up leaving after high school. Try not to give up on making friends, I know its hard, but think of NRC as a fresh start, a chance to reinvent yourself, and I'm sure they're are plenty of people to bond with other computer games.
 
 
 
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