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    Good points, written badly. It's all over the place, there's no flow and some points aren't highlighted enough.

    These roles are critical for the school and are considered to be a position of prestige within the student body.
    I feel that I can be a great leader; coaching and collaboratively working with a team of people to achieve our shared goals of making our school proud and respected within the community. I feel that I possess an approachable, humorous and passionate personality that would support and welcome any student or teacher that I work alongside.
    Previously, I have upheld numerous positions and supported events in a professional manner, for example, I have volunteered at Open Evening's which required me to guide parents around the school and liaise with them in a professional and mature manner, a skill which I feel I excel at. I have also raised awareness for various charities by selling badges around the school - I successfully raised XXX. I also excelled in my studies and am proud to say that my poetry was published in a book, which I read aloud to an audience - a real confidence boost! (any other roles? or achievements?)
    I would like to use my motivation, determination and passion for helping vulnerable people and academia to bring our academic community together. I even have a few suggestions and ideas to put forward, such as XXXXX
    I am also a Peer Mentor, in that I support younger students with any issues and concerns they have, passing on sensitive information and dealing with situations in a confidential manner. I feel this role has enhanced my communication and listening skills and provided me with a level of responsibility and trust - skills and experience which are vital for these roles.

    Finally, I want to pursue this role as a way of saying 'Thank You' to those that supported me and allowed me to be as successful as I am now. I'd love to leave this school knowing that I have given something back and had the opportunities to make a difference.
 
 
 
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