My housemates never do any housework

We're 3 graduates, girls (not even students so no excuse). We met on spare room - I suppose it's my fault as when asked about my cleanliness habits I replied that I was pretty laid back. Yes I'm laid back but I want my house to look presentable the majority of the time - by laid back I meant I don't mind leaving dishes out for say, one day - not that I'll leave them there and go away for the weekend, or somehow manage to continue using a completely full bin and shove so much down there it splits and then fail to sort it out... Leaving it for some other poor housemate to sort out.

What's more, one of my housemates only works part time, she's home most of the day when I'm at work- yet I don't think I've ever come home and noticed anything different than the night before in terms of cleaning. Very occasionally one of them will empty the dishwasher when I'm around, probably to make a point.

I don't mind some mess, or if someone is in a rush and doesn't have time to sort things out. If I have some spare time at home I'll do a little job like clean the hob or quickly spritz the bathroom - in between me doing these things, they don't get done.

What's more frustrating is that the other 2 girls often reference the fact that they are glad "we're all so laid back about cleaning" - it's like they are blind to the fact that I'm often cleaning up after them. It's like they expect some sort of magic fairy to do it. How do our bins ever get changed?! How have we still got clean plates?! it's because I do it that's why!

Thing is I feel I've been dishonest about how "laid back" I actually am. Is this my fault or should I say something? What's more, I genuinely don't think they notice a difference between clean and messy. Just last weekend I hoovered, mopped and cleaned all the surfaces in the kitchen and bathroom and neither of them so much as commented on it. Unless I do it right in front of them they still have the impression that I'm just as messy as they are.

Tl;dr - my housemates are messier than me but they didn't want to live with a neat freak, is it my place to say something?

Reply 1

Gav107

Yes like you've mentioned and I've seen it first hand that girls are the messiest! My best advice, have the courage to get them together and express how you feel about cleaning and how it is horrible to stay in a house when it is dirty and that you have to be respectful! Just because you didn't say it before doesn't mean you cant say anything now you know! they're rude for doing this. And yes it is your place to say something, because you're living there, and paying there!

All the best! x

Original post by Anonymous

Reply 2

doodle_333

yeah it's a hard one because to be honest 'laid back' to me would mean that cleaning probably just isn't going to be an issue for you - no one is going to reply 'yeah I'm a dirty slob'... but any self rating of cleanliness is a bit meaningless, few people would genuinely see themselves as either super high maintenance or lazy and gross, people tend to just think their way is the best way.

You could try and talk to them casually about it, say something like 'I really like that we can be chilled about cleaning but I do sometimes feel like I end up doing a lot more than my share, I don't mind pots left out sometimes and stuff like that but could we try and muck in a bit together so it doesn't become an issue? would it help to have a basic rota?' so you're sounding like you're still on the same page and up for a compromise...

or you could just stop doing the cleaning and they might realise how much you do...? I've had this before and some people feel like they do clean occasionally and so do you and just assume that it must be quite even... they don't actually realise that they clean once every couple of months and it actually needs doing properly weekly to keep it decent

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

So it's still bothering me. Yes they've done the odd bit. I've still never seen anyone but me empty the food bin. I went away for a week and it was still the same food bin when I got back. No one else has cleaned the bathroom yet I've done it twice. I've been off sick for the last 2 days and have still managed to clean the kitchen and do a spot of vacuuming while my flat mate literally sat on the sofa watching me - saying nothing in reference to the fact that I was cleaning WHILST ILL and she was sat there not helping.*

We get flyers through the door that sit on the porch until I put them in the recycling. Loo roll holders just on the floor. Washing put in the machine at 9am and left there all day. Massive amounts of hair in the plug hole (not mine as mine is a different colour to both of theirs). FOOD IN THE GENERAL WASTE BIN. Honestly this is turning me into a complete psycho. *

I still don't want to bring it up because they GENUINELY don't realise how much I do. I might start trying to do more in front of them on purpose and see if they notice.*

Reply 4

Judge Judy

Original post by Anonymous

Cleaning in front of them won't work, you already tried that and they still said nothing not even a thanks.
Once a slob always a slob
Next time you do a flatshare never say your laid back even though you are just say your a clean freak because now this is the **** you have to put up with but it doesnt mean it's your fault just because you said you were laid back but just for next time you share with anyone best not to say laid back cos those 2 girls could now use it against you.

But that's disgusting leaving the bin for a week and all the other things
You do need to tell them both together but i ohnestly don't think anything will change because in my experience when i shared with a male i would put up with his nasty habits for months because i did not want to say anything but eventually i had to and he would get angry when said anything. But i could see he was not happy i told him and he would say no one has ever told him what to do before. He used to live with 5 other men because they all put money together to rent a house so of course their not going to say anything if they are all messy then when they all left uni they all left the house and he had to find somewhere else then he moved in with 4 other people male and female but i don't know what happened as i never asked him but i assume from how he treated me he did the same at his last place but no one told him off because he would say at his last place with the 4 males and females no one spoke to him they just said hello and never initiated conversation.
I belive it was because he is messy and extremely loud when talking on the phone and on sykpe so they would have been angry about certain things he does

So anyway he would leave the bath / shower dirty with all his long hairs, it was disgusting, there were even hairs on the walls. Sometimes he would clean it but not often. When i did mention it he would say he forgot or get angry because i dared to tell him. So because i was too scared to tell him about that and other things i would just clean it myself. He did it about 10 times but i only told him 3 or 4 times to his face or by text but he hated me telling him by text but i felt i couldn't tell him to his face anymore and it was easier by text so one time i just did not clean the bath for 2 days hoping he would clean it if i left his mess there. I went to my mum's to shower instead but he still left it there which means he deliberately did not shower for 2 days so he would not have to clean it. I could not be bothered to go to my mum's everytime so i just had to clean it myself. So i did tell him after i cleaned it. I said you left the bath dirty again and he said did you clean it for me ? I thought what a cheek

I did not tell him that i had to clean it or i could not have a bath as leaving it dirty does not work because he will just leave the dirt there for days
When i told him again he said he's only left it dirty 2 or 3 times and i said it's more than that so he asked how many times but i lied and said a few times because if i said it's been at least 10 times he would deny it and turn it into an argument so he is not even aware of how messy he is as he thought he had only done it 2 or 3 times
So i'd had enough but said politely this is a good tip, what i do is never switch off the bathroom light until you know you have finished cleaning the bath then you won't forget. So after i told him that he never did it again. But he would do other things and because he gets angry and stops talking to me every time i tell him to clean up after himself i felt i could not tell him about other things. He would brush his teeth and leave toothpaste marks splattered and covering the whole mirror.
It was a big mirror and you can't see your reflection because of all the toothpaste but he would never clean it so i would just splash it with with water but it was still never clean. I just gave up and stopped cleaning it. He kept that up for a whole year and i never told him then he leaves the cooker filthy with his food he dropped just left there and if i left it for a few days, weeks it would still be there. He never empties the bin but fills it up everyday. If i emptied the bin one hour later he would fill it up again. He would leave his food in the pots and pans so if i wanted to use it i would have to wash it out first. He could at least let it soak in water in the sink so it's easier to clean but he did not.
One time i wrote a long list of all the things he does including his bogies. It was 23 things on the list but everytime i mentioned anything on the list he would deny one thing then the next he would say that's nothing or it's not important, move on, or
oh, this is silly and turn it into an argument and make me feel stupid for trying to tell him so i only got through 3 or 4 things on the list. He kept saying carry on with the list cos i want to get it over with but i did not carry on and did not tell him about his bogeys because he was acting arrogant and childish but i did tell him it's important to wash his hands everytime he goes toilet especially if he does a no2 but he said no, it's a personal thing and that he does not like using those products so i asked again can he at least wash his hands and he said no so there was nothing i could do about it, sometimes while watching tv together he would rub the bottom of his bare feet then go straight to the kitchen to touch up anything in there without washing his hands and one time i saw stuff he was prescribed by the doctor for athletes foot
and he had a bad habit of doing a no2 every morning without fail before he goes to work and not having a bath/shower but he would have a bath/ shower only after he got back from work. I thought it was really weird. I have phobias about things like not washing hands but everytime i heard the toilet flush or i could hear him using the toilet brush to clean the toilet he would come out the bathroom straight away and i knew he did'nt wash his hands so i bought a big hand gel just for him to use but i know he does'nt use it everytime. And he is a carer so he has exams every year he has to do about the importance of washing hands as it can spread germs but i had to put up with it because he is a nice person and the best housemate anyone could ever want but his only problem is he is just not clean.
I would never have let anyone else get away with all those things or be too scared to tell them, only him. He would leave every electrical aplliance plugged in and never switch stuff off and not locking the door with the key when he goes to work sometimes and one time leaving the door open so anyone could have walked in and stolen his laptop or other things. He has no common sense. Anybody else would go mad and shout at him for all the things he does but i never did that, i alwas tokd him politely or said nothing at all for fear of spoiling our friendship as people i meet in everyday life on courses or friends always end up disliking me if i tell them the truth about their habits or other things they do so most of the time i have to keep my mouth shut and when i have made the mistake of telling the truth i get dumped.

But it is partly my fault for putting up with it because even if soneone gets angry every time you tell them i should still tell them everytime instead of putting up with it and some things he did i put up with for one year and still never told him because everytime i did tell him about 2 or 3 other things it would ruin our friendship and he would end up hating me and stop talking to me for 1 or 2 weeks and he used to bring back a big pizza for us to share sometimes and he is a very good cook and would make us both a meal or if i'm broke he would say take my credit card to buy food shopping. I never did, i only bought toilet rolls if i ran out but after telling him nicely 3 times one day he just said look, from now on he will only cook for himself and he told me not to buy him anything anymore and when i want to go out like a fun fair, cinema, etc he would decide not to come like he used to before.
And we would have such a laugh watching tv together like all the reality shows, films, talent contests, music contests like the voice but he stopped watching tv with me. I used to buy him food shopping or put money on his oyster or cook for him too and buy him snacks, toilet rolls, aftershave, drinks and takeaways and subway salad so he does not have to waste money and because he does nice things like that for me too but he said not to buy him anything anymore.

So by telling him about his own nasty habits he would get angry that i dared to tell him about it. Even important things like leaving the cooker on he would get angry thinking i should not tell him about it and deny he left it on but he could burn the place down then we would have nowhere to live but he does not think about things like that. And putting the rice cooker on then popping to the shop that took 15 minutes but i did not say anything and just hoped he did not do that with food in a pan on the cooker.
He is the kindest person and anyone sharing a flat or house with him would have a very good person that would always lend them money and help them with any problems they have but he was just messy and had some nasty habits
He lives somewhere else now but we are still friends but not as good as before because he did not think i should tell him to clean his own mess because no one had ever told him about it before

He would smear big long bogies on the window, on the bathroom walls and lots of them on the wall in his own room but i never mentioned it because i did not want to embarass him plus he might deny it and say it's not bogies. If i did not spot them for a long time they would go hard and some would not come off completely
It's no wonder his last flatmates never spoke to him except to say hi

You should always tell your flatmates the truth everytime they do something as i would never let anyone else do those things to me after how my last flatmate treated me years ago but just remember they could turn against you and start leaving you out and going out without inviting you or your friendship could be ruined by constantly telling them even if you write a list of things they do or don't do they might resent you for it but if that does happen just try to find new clean flatmates or rent a flat or house with 1 person like i did or more people and split the rent. Even when my last flatmate did clean but not often he would always make a point to tell me he did it but i would always say thanks as i was grateful he did make an effort sometimes. if you leave things dirty in the hope they will clean it or clean in front of them none of those things work if someone is a slob.
Try asking them to stick to a routine of cleaning using a rota but even that might not work on some people

My housemates never do any housework

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