Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Constantly paranoid my bf will cheat. watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    As the title reads basically...

    My bf and I have been together 2 years now and we have lived together around 8 months.

    He used to have a drug/alcohol problem which involved allot of lies and not hearing from him for days on end when he went on a bender. These were really tough times but he got help and he is clean now. I do always suffer from the fear that he will relapse, for example if his phone dies or he's late from work.

    But that's not the number one thing on my mind now is the worry that he might cheat!
    As far as I know he has never cheated but I know he had a friend who was an older woman who also used to take drugs and he stayed at hers once doing drugs all night which he says was purely drug related/drug taking companion.
    As you can imagine I did immediately think well something could of happened sexually for all I know so that plays on my mind.

    Then once at his old house he gave me a pair of leggings that werent mine assuming they were mine. He did his washing at his grans and she wears leggings which he said they must be hers because he thought they were mine. But I still wonder if they really were some random girls!

    I have found porn on his computers in the past which made me feel crap when we weren't officially together and he hasn't had much sexual experience from what he told me but I even question if thats even true.

    I got triggered again this morning when he woke up and started having sex with me and told me he was dreaming about me and him in another house but we were watching big brother last night and they had their tops off in hot tub and my mind just tells me he was dreaming about them girls.

    I'm totally paranoid I know. I have never been like this with any bfs and usually very confident and secure. I haven't been an angel in the past with bfs and I wonder if this plays a big part in my own insecurities in regards to cheating because since I met him I've fully committed to him and feel vulnerable now.

    Really don't know what to do about it any more I hate not trusting him.

    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Firstly, I think the best thing you can do here is speak with him, but I understand how hard this can be, you don't want to come across as being paranoid. But if you word it correctly then he will hopefully be able to reassure you of your insecurities.
    It's completely normal to feel like this at some point in a relationship, it's just about being able to communicate any problems you have.

    Personally, although it may be difficult, I think you should draw a line under his past problems with drug and alcohol abuse. Although misbehavior isn't justified under any circumstances, I feel like you have both jumped over a huge hurdle together and it will only hurt you both if you bring back that time to use against one another.

    I think you may be overthinking the other points a little, If he were cheating he would be a lot more careful about handing you a pair of leggings that could or could not be yours.

    I really get upset at people who are jealous at porn, it shouldn't be a thing to worry about ever, it should be something that you can both be comfortable enough to explore together. Try involving yourself in his habits, you never know, you might end up discovering some new and exciting things about one another's sexual desires.

    I really think you have definitely overthought the last point. In all honesty, going to sleep after that probably did help towards a sexual dream of some sorts, but it was about you. People rarely have control over their dreams, so you cannot accuse someone of doing something bad, even if they dream about someone else. You can't tell me you've never had a dream about someone you really didn't expect and felt incredibly awkward the next day! I think you should just be very thankful that you had a good morning.

    I really do think you should share your insecurities with him though, and as I'm very aware that i've said "I think" an awful lot, I'm going to shut up now!

    If you need to chat, feel free to message me
    Good luck OP! x
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I think everything Ruby said was sensible and suggest you follow it.

    I would also add that ultimately if your relationship is to be successful, you need to be able to trust each other. If you are unable to establish trust through talking or other methods, your best bet is to just end the relationship, as you if you are not able to trust him it has no future.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    We are all only going to echo what Ruby says, so you won't find better advice anywhere else!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Thanks everyone for your replies I really appreciate your time.

    We have spoken this morning and he said he had no idea I felt this way and he got upset and told me how much he loves me and doesn't understand why I'm so insecure with him.

    Lol he also mentioned why would he give me leggings if he knew they weren't mine which is pretty stupid now I think about it, it's my stupid paranoia!

    Reading these replies have made me feel allot better so thank you, and big thanks to Ruby you made allot of good points

    I know he loves me, I don't know why I let my mind do this to me. I really don't want to ruin my relationship.

    I need a strategy to deal with my mind when it starts running away with itself. It's like my own mind doesn't want me to be happy and starts looking for problems that aren't even there. Talk about self torture!!! Tut!

    Xx
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by emmalizzy)
    Thanks everyone for your replies I really appreciate your time.

    We have spoken this morning and he said he had no idea I felt this way and he got upset and told me how much he loves me and doesn't understand why I'm so insecure with him.

    Lol he also mentioned why would he give me leggings if he knew they weren't mine which is pretty stupid now I think about it, it's my stupid paranoia!

    Reading these replies have made me feel allot better so thank you, and big thanks to Ruby you made allot of good points

    I know he loves me, I don't know why I let my mind do this to me. I really don't want to ruin my relationship.

    I need a strategy to deal with my mind when it starts running away with itself. It's like my own mind doesn't want me to be happy and starts looking for problems that aren't even there. Talk about self torture!!! Tut!

    Xx
    I'm very happy for you OP! Glad we could help

    Have you thought about keeping a diary? I sometimes find that when you've managed to write everything down in the heat of the moment, when you look back on it you can see how silly you were being and how much you were overthinking.

    Most things are really easy to just talk about though
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: June 14, 2016
Poll
Do you agree with the proposed ban on plastic straws and cotton buds?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.