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Advice for helping my mum deal with a break up? watch

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    My mum split up with my step dad a couple of days ago, he had to go as he had become a bit violent and physically threatening. They had been together for 10 years and have a daughter together.
    It is obviously a hard time but she had been unhappy for a while, so the fact he is gone isn t bothering her as much as the fact she has had two failed relationships as me and my older sister are from her first marriage to our dad.
    She keeps repeating that same phrase and I can really tell it s eating her up. What can I say to persuade her this should not be bothering her so much?
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    (Original post by LyleMU93)
    My mum split up with my step dad a couple of days ago, he had to go as he had become a bit violent and physically threatening. They had been together for 10 years and have a daughter together.
    It is obviously a hard time but she had been unhappy for a while, so the fact he is gone isn t bothering her as much as the fact she has had two failed relationships as me and my older sister are from her first marriage to our dad.
    She keeps repeating that same phrase and I can really tell it s eating her up. What can I say to persuade her this should not be bothering her so much?
    Why was he being violent, and did he hit her?, was he drunk or what.
    You can't really tell her anything I don't think, just being there for her would help, help more with your sister or something?, do the washing up ect. Obvs tell her it isn't her fault, which it sound likes she isn't, was she unhappy before the violence or was he always like that, I'm surprissed you didn't hit the **** if he hit your mum
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why was he being violent, and did he hit her?, was he drunk or what.
    You can't really tell her anything I don't think, just being there for her would help, help more with your sister or something?, do the washing up ect. Obvs tell her it isn't her fault, which it sound likes she isn't, was she unhappy before the violence or was he always like that, I'm surprissed you didn't hit the **** if he hit your mum
    never actually hit her but always threatening and threatening me also. always happened whilst he was drunk never sober, but he does have a drink problem i think. think the best advice is just to help wherever i can, always used to get mad because he never got put on the mortgage or any bills despite investing in improving the house, but that was only because he was so volatile. nice guy at times but always felt the next explosion was round the corner
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    (Original post by LyleMU93)
    My mum split up with my step dad a couple of days ago, he had to go as he had become a bit violent and physically threatening. They had been together for 10 years and have a daughter together.
    It is obviously a hard time but she had been unhappy for a while, so the fact he is gone isn t bothering her as much as the fact she has had two failed relationships as me and my older sister are from her first marriage to our dad.
    She keeps repeating that same phrase and I can really tell it s eating her up. What can I say to persuade her this should not be bothering her so much?
    This sounds similar to my mum and her situation. She divorced my dad and married her now-husband who has become an alcoholic. My mum has 4 kids with my dad and a daughter with her husband. They are always arguing so much more than she did with my dad and is not happy. She won't leave him because she's scared of being labeled as the woman who has two failed marriages and kids from different men.


    However I view this situation completely differently. I think your mum has an AMAZING amount of strength o actually leave him and how shown you what a wonderful mother she really is. No person deserves to be subjected to ANY type of abuse and I think your mother has set set you such an amazing example. She has taught you, I'm assuming you are male, not to abuse your wife in the future (as you can see the damage it's done) and taught your sisters that they should not put up with domestic abuse. That really is something special and your mum is a very strong person to do that.

    At the moment the feelings for her will be raw because it's just happened and I suppose she has to get used to the idea but time WILL make it better. At the end of the day the ramifications of the decision to leave an abusive relationship mean that her day to day life will be infinitely improved and she won't have to deal with the drama. Who cares if she's been divorced twice, it's no one's business but her own and she knows deep down the reasons for the marriages failing? She knows what went on behind closed doors that other people cannot begin to understand or appreciate. No one can be expected to live in an abusive relationship because it's unfair and I think she has definitely made the right decision.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why was he being violent, and did he hit her?, was he drunk or what.
    You can't really tell her anything I don't think, just being there for her would help, help more with your sister or something?, do the washing up ect. Obvs tell her it isn't her fault, which it sound likes she isn't, was she unhappy before the violence or was he always like that, I'm surprissed you didn't hit the **** if he hit your mum
    Redundant post.


    OP wants solutions to help the mother not thid questionnaire.


    Before I can offer solutions that worked for my mom, how old is your mom and does she work ?
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    (Original post by nerdling_CompSci)
    Redundant post.


    OP wants solutions to help the mother not thid questionnaire.


    Before I can offer solutions that worked for my mom, how old is your mom and does she work ?
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Hi there, yeah she's 49 but looks early 40's which is surprising the life she's had, works as an assistant manager doing 20 hours and has me and my sister (22 and 19) from her first marriage, and also a daughter (9) from the relationship that has just ended.
    Me and my sister still get along really well with our dad and see him regularly, once a week at least.
 
 
 
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