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    Dear ........,

    I am applying for the Senior Student Team this year as I feel like I have learnt so much over the last 10 months in the sixth form allowing me to really grow into myself. Throughout year twelve I’ve undergone many challenges but I know these have made me a stronger individual and have developed my confidence to where I am at now. I truly believe I now possess the qualities required to act as a fantastic representative of the school and a role model for all the other students.

    This year I participated in a few volunteering roles that allowed me to become very empathetic and also a great leader. One role consisted of mentoring two students, a year 10 and a year 7, one to one. I worked with the year 10 from around November to May, acting as a friend and role model to her, allowing her to confide in me and have somebody to talk to if she wanted to. This role allowed me to become very understanding of others situations but also made me more committed as I had an agreement that we would meet every week.

    Another role I acted in was helping to run the Trampolining club from September to May, working with students from year 7 through to year 11. Although I have done this role for a few years, this year it took a lot more time and organisation as we prepared all 25+ of the competition team for the annual competition and worked with a variety of abilities, ranging from students learning seat drops to one learning twisting somersaults.

    Lastly I worked with the year 7 science club up until December, at which point it clashed with Trampolining. This was a great learning experience as some weeks we would have 60+ students in one room. I learnt to be a leader and how to stay organised, whilst also following any instructions given by the member of staff running the club that week.

    I believe the role of the SST is an important one, as it has a prominent role in bettering the running of the sixth form. There are a few issues within the sixth form currently such as the dress code which is ‘smart casual’, which must I say the majority of girls seem to get in trouble over due to them not being ‘smart’ enough, yet far more boys seem to get away with the opposite of smart, and even casual, in their matching tracksuits yet do not get told off for not being smart enough. The SST promotes change within the school and change will only be achieved when there are strong individuals pushing for it. I believe that I have developed the right qualities that would allow me to be a fantastic team member whilst retaining my ability to lead when necessary.

    I am definitely not the most academic person, nor are exams my strong point and I definitely don’t excel in them but I don’t believe that school is all about grades. I’ve learnt many life lessons throughout my time at ........ from my teachers and I now know that you can’t rely on anyone else to make changes for you, you have to make them yourself so that is why I believe I should be given the opportunity to make changes for the better on the SST. I believe I would represent the sixth form and the school with integrity and optimism and act as a role model and friend for all other members of the school.
    • Very Important Poster
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    (Original post by laa1519)
    Dear ........,

    I am applying for the Senior Student Team this year as I feel like I have learnt so much over the last 10 months in the sixth form allowing me to really grow into myself. Throughout year twelve I’ve undergone many challenges but I know these have made me a stronger individual and have developed my confidence to where I am at now. I truly believe I now possess the qualities required to act as a fantastic representative of the school and a role model for all the other students. Maybe '...developed my confidence to where I am at now' should be 'developed my confidence and be where I am at now' - how it is now doesn't really make sense.


    This year I participated in a few volunteering roles that allowed me to become very empathetic and also a great leader. One role consisted of mentoring two students, a year 10 and a year 7, one to one. I worked with the year 10 from around November to May, acting as a friend and role model to her, allowing her to confide in me and have somebody to talk to if she wanted to. This role allowed me to become very understanding of others situations but also made me more committed as I had an agreement that we would meet every week. Maybe remove 'a few' to make it seem better. Remove the 'the' in '...the year 10'. Others' situation. '...also made me more commited asI had an agreement that we would meet every week' could sound much better. ' Perhaps 'I improved my time management skills by arranging weekly meetings with her to fit both our schedules.

    Another role I acted in was helping to run the Trampolining club from September to May, working with students from year 7 through to year 11. Although I have done this role for a few years, this year it took a lot more time and organisation as we prepared all 25+ of the competition team for the annual competition and worked with a variety of abilities, ranging from students learning seat drops to one learning twisting somersaults. Maybe '...worked with students of varying abilities, ranging from those learning seat drops to some that learnt how to do twisting somersaults'.

    Lastly I worked with the year 7 science club up until December, at which point it clashed with Trampolining. This was a great learning experience as some weeks we would have 60+ students in one room. I learnt to be a leader and how to stay organised, whilst also following any instructions given by the member of staff running the club that week. ''at which point it clashed with trampolining bit' is unnecessary. I see that you're trying to explain why it stopped in December, but it's not a must to mention it.

    I believe the role of the SST is an important one, as it has a prominent role in bettering the running of the sixth form. There are a few issues within the sixth form currently such as the dress code which is ‘smart casual’, which must I say the majority of girls seem to get in trouble over due to them not being ‘smart’ enough, yet far more boys seem to get away with the opposite of smart, and even casual, in their matching tracksuits yet do not get told off for not being smart enough. The SST promotes change within the school and change will only be achieved when there are strong individuals pushing for it. I believe that I have developed the right qualities that would allow me to be a fantastic team member whilst retaining my ability to lead when necessary.

    I am definitely not the most academic person, nor are exams my strong point and I definitely don’t excel in them but I don’t believe that school is all about grades. I’ve learnt many life lessons throughout my time at ........ from my teachers and I now know that you can’t rely on anyone else to make changes for you, you have to make them yourself so that is why I believe I should be given the opportunity to make changes for the better on the SST. I believe I would represent the sixth form and the school with integrity and optimism and act as a role model and friend for all other members of the school.
    swap '...make changes for you, you have to... with a ; rather than ,.

    I assume you want some proofreading.. suggestions. Have bolded some bits.
    • Thread Starter
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    Dear ....,
    I am applying for the Senior Student Team this year as I feel like I have learnt so much over the last 10 months in the sixth form allowing me to really grow into myself. Throughout year twelve I’ve undergone many challenges but I know these have made me a stronger individual and have developed my confidence to where I am at now. I truly believe I now possess the qualities required to act as a fantastic representative of the school and a role model for other students.

    This year I participated in a few volunteering roles that allowed me to become very empathetic and also a great leader. One role consisted of mentoring two students, a year 10 and a year 7, one to one. I worked with the year 10 from around November to May, acting as a friend and role model to her, allowing her to confide in me and have somebody to talk to if she wanted. This role allowed me to become very understanding of others situations but also made me more committed to the tasks I am allocated, as we had an agreement that we would meet every week.

    The other roles I acted in were helping to run the Trampolining club from September to May, working with students from year 7 through to year 11, and helping with the year 7 science club from September through to December. Both these roles taught me a lot about leadership, yet also how to be an approachable and enthusiastic individual that could inspire the younger students to believe that they are capable of anything if they truly try. I also learnt how to stay organised and not let myself get distracted off the task at hand.

    I believe the role of the SST is an important one, as it has a prominent role in bettering the running of the sixth form. The SST promotes change within the school and change will only be achieved when there are strong individuals pushing for it. I believe that I have developed the right qualities that would allow me to be a fantastic team member whilst retaining my ability to lead when necessary. In my opinion, to be a member of the team you have to have the ability to inspire those around you and create an atmosphere that will motivate all students to achieve their best in whatever they choose to do.

    I am definitely not the most academic person, nor are exams my strong point and I definitely don’t excel in them but I don’t believe that school is all about grades. I’ve learnt many life lessons throughout my time at ............ from my teachers and I now know that you can’t rely on anyone else to make changes for you; you have to make them yourself so that is why I believe I should be given the opportunity to make changes for the better on the SST. I’d grasp the opportunity to give back to the school and believe that any changes we can make, no matter how minor, will contribute to the ever-increasing success of .........

    I have multiple ideas regarding improving the sixth form, and the whole school, and if given the chance to share these more students will have the opportunity to flourish. One of these being to partner more high achieving students with younger members of the school to provide them with additional help, as although this is already done to an extent I don’t believe it is fully utilised. I’d also aim to get more members of the sixth form involved with activities within the school and houses, in order to create a greater sense of community, which is slightly lacking in the houses currently. I believe I would represent the sixth form and the school with integrity and optimism and act as a role model and friend for all other members of the school and thus possess the qualities to be a fully involved member of the SST.

    Yours Sincerely,
    ............

    How about now
 
 
 
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