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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    hey

    so uhm, I'm pretty sure I'm not developing an eating disorder (could still be a trigger though, just trying to be considerate yanno), I'm just getting freaky about my eating and would appreciate some advice...

    I think it's probably just the whole feeling-worthless, depression thing or maybe self-punishment but I'm really not eating well. It used to be because I just couldn't be bothered or making myself food was too overwhelming a task but recently I've stopped eating because of these invasive thoughts I've been getting. "Don't eat dinner tonight even if you're hungry", "go weight yourself again", "what are you doing in the kitchen??? you don't deserve food???", "you're already a waste of resources now you're eating food???", "put that tomato down RIGHT NOW"... etc etc

    the other day I realised I wasn't losing weight fast enough because I spend so much time lying in bed so I walked up and down the stairs 20 times - I almost collapsed with exhaustion (I'm very unfit and suffer from fatigue don't judge). I keep noticing that I'm losing weight and being happy about it like it's this quiet little goal I have that no one knows about.

    I'm about 5'5" and weight about 48kg, I know it's not a dangerous weight but I'm more scared about the fact that I think it's still too much.

    The thing is I don't even feel that worried about these though, I just know I should be and that's why I'm making this thread. I'd tell my CBT therapist about it but I have like 7324854725043 problems and not enough time to deal with them all. Also I don't want her to think I have an eating disorder. Because I don't. Maybe it's just a passive display of not wanting to be alive? idk
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hey

    so uhm, I'm pretty sure I'm not developing an eating disorder (could still be a trigger though, just trying to be considerate yanno), I'm just getting freaky about my eating and would appreciate some advice...

    I think it's probably just the whole feeling-worthless, depression thing or maybe self-punishment but I'm really not eating well. It used to be because I just couldn't be bothered or making myself food was too overwhelming a task but recently I've stopped eating because of these invasive thoughts I've been getting. "Don't eat dinner tonight even if you're hungry", "go weight yourself again", "what are you doing in the kitchen??? you don't deserve food???", "you're already a waste of resources now you're eating food???", "put that tomato down RIGHT NOW"... etc etc

    the other day I realised I wasn't losing weight fast enough because I spend so much time lying in bed so I walked up and down the stairs 20 times - I almost collapsed with exhaustion (I'm very unfit and suffer from fatigue don't judge). I keep noticing that I'm losing weight and being happy about it like it's this quiet little goal I have that no one knows about.

    I'm about 5'5" and weight about 48kg, I know it's not a dangerous weight but I'm more scared about the fact that I think it's still too much.

    The thing is I don't even feel that worried about these though, I just know I should be and that's why I'm making this thread. I'd tell my CBT therapist about it but I have like 7324854725043 problems and not enough time to deal with them all. Also I don't want her to think I have an eating disorder. Because I don't. Maybe it's just a passive display of not wanting to be alive? idk
    I would say that maybe its simply you trying to justify your feelings towards food. Maybe you feel you need a driving force to make you loose weight faster. Maybe it is a outlet due to other problems?
    • #3
    #3

    Hi I'm sorry you haven't had many replies. I have some experience with this, would you mind me asking your age?
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hey

    so uhm, I'm pretty sure I'm not developing an eating disorder (could still be a trigger though, just trying to be considerate yanno), I'm just getting freaky about my eating and would appreciate some advice...

    I think it's probably just the whole feeling-worthless, depression thing or maybe self-punishment but I'm really not eating well. It used to be because I just couldn't be bothered or making myself food was too overwhelming a task but recently I've stopped eating because of these invasive thoughts I've been getting. "Don't eat dinner tonight even if you're hungry", "go weight yourself again", "what are you doing in the kitchen??? you don't deserve food???", "you're already a waste of resources now you're eating food???", "put that tomato down RIGHT NOW"... etc etc

    the other day I realised I wasn't losing weight fast enough because I spend so much time lying in bed so I walked up and down the stairs 20 times - I almost collapsed with exhaustion (I'm very unfit and suffer from fatigue don't judge). I keep noticing that I'm losing weight and being happy about it like it's this quiet little goal I have that no one knows about.

    I'm about 5'5" and weight about 48kg, I know it's not a dangerous weight but I'm more scared about the fact that I think it's still too much.

    The thing is I don't even feel that worried about these though, I just know I should be and that's why I'm making this thread. I'd tell my CBT therapist about it but I have like 7324854725043 problems and not enough time to deal with them all. Also I don't want her to think I have an eating disorder. Because I don't. Maybe it's just a passive display of not wanting to be alive? idk
    Heya,Sorry to hear about this, it really sucks I really, honestly think you need to speak to a GP about this because its not something you can really do much about on your own - the professional help needs to be there! I reckon, from my personal experience, that you are suffering from an eating disorder (especially because of the preoccupation with food, exercise etc and negative thoughts) and your weight is pretty low for your height. I know that its hard to admit - I'm going through a phase of denial as well at the moment and yeah, denial is a big part of eating disorders. Please try and tell someone, I promise its better in the long run! x
 
 
 
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