I was really hesitating to write this, since everyone has different perceptions of failure in school but to be honest, this has been affecting me for a while.
I honestly hope that this is not one of those threads where i explain my situation and someone tells me to get over myself because I didn't fail as badly as they thought I would.
I just would really like to to talk to someone, because i feel like i'm falling deeper into a black hole, and i can't get myself out. I feel like I have no use in this world and there's no meaning to me being born...Not pretty, nor intelligent, nor do people find me interesting. In fact, people avoid me because of how boring i am. There's not a single person in the world, I would choose to stay for because I love them. My mother, herself, said that if she wasn't my mother, she wouldn't even talk to me.
I keep on thinking, I want to change. I want to engage in social situations more, learn more, explore more, broaden my experiences. But this year, I feel as if my self worth has gone down. I've just done my AS exams and i've done very badly in all of the tests i've taken.
I'm pretty sure that if I told anyone this, no one would even care to consolidate me because i've done badly the whole year and it's all my fault.
I'm a chronic procrastinator... I failed my mocks, 'U's and everything. Yet, despite that i kept on procrastinating. Sure it was because the feeling of failure hit me whenever I opened my books but in the end it was my fault. I've been a chronic procrastinator since I was a child; reading books is my escape from life...I'm someone who does not have anything to love in this world, who's been depressed for years, but I feel that little moment of magic from reading about somebody's story.
So, I didn't break out of the habits this year.
And there you have it. This is why I feel like i'm scum. It's my fault that I ended up like this. I could have done really well. I revised for my AS exams around 2 days before, depending on how much time I get. And I boosted my score to 90 ums for some of the practise papers i did.
However, the exams went horribly. Pretty sure I lost 20 marks for some. I feel I lost 30 marks in the maths paper I did today. Lack of practise on timing, and on a variety of questions. All my fault.
If I don't get good grades, goodbye to the universities that I really wanted to go to.
I've always been average in life, no teachers really notice me. However this year, they obviously have and not for good reasons. My teachers hate me because it seems like i'm lazy and stupid. Maybe that is what I am.
I'm going to have a terrible reference and grades to boot.
Anyway, they don't understand that I feel very trapped and alone, I don't put my hand up in the lesson because I have social anxiety, not because I don't care.
I go to one of the top grammar schools in the country. This is not me boasting but just explaining, that for a student that is doing badly, there is no support system. You are looked down upon, for not getting a certain grade. This has led to me reluctant to talk to anyone or even to join in social situations because I feel unworthy.
Sorry, that this is so long.. I just really needed to talk to someone. I have a strict asian parent, told her about how one of my exam went and she just told me to d*e. Currently, i'm sitting in the library typing this as I have been thrown out of the house. Pretty sure she's going to disown me come to results day or if I ever told her I have depression.
Still, despite this. I want to change. I feel like i'm sort of getting the hang of getting into a healthy study habit. I obviously can't fix this year's grades. But i want to fix how I learn, and grow more confident. I still really want to get into that University I want to go to. So that's my question here. Can I still turn it around? What are my options...
If i have lower as grades then the university's requirement?
I don't want to settle for something lower. I know I could do it if anyone cared to give me the chance.
(please no you haven't got your results back. I count the marks of the questions I screw up/ miss out and it's not the grade i need)
Can anyone/someone listen to my story? (failing As) Watch
- Thread Starter
- 17-06-2016 19:06
Last edited by veni_vidi_vasi; 17-06-2016 at 19:24.
- 17-06-2016 19:23
- 17-06-2016 19:32
Don't stress your in AS atm if your grades are awful you always have the choice to resit, whether it's at the college you're in rn or a new college. If you don't get amazing grades, again don't worry. Unis base their offers on predicted grades. Your teacher will usually predict you the grade they think you will get. That means you really need to show them that you're not lazy you are a hard worker. Predicted grades are usually a grade above your as grade, for example I got ABCE and thought I would never get into uni but my teachers predicted me AAB, gave me amazing references and I got an offer from my first choice (whether I make the offer is an entirely different story ). What I'm saying is don't give up, maybe get a head start in the holidays and go over the A2 material, try and teach yourself to not procrastinate, i myself procrastinated last year but what motivated me to do well, stop procrastinating and revise was the end goal of uni and getting out of sixthform.Last edited by Tsrsarahhhh; 17-06-2016 at 19:33.
- 17-06-2016 19:46
I feel you, I have a very bad procrastination problem I've only revised 1 day before my exams :/
But hey its good you're writing about your story and expressing feelings.
I could see myself in the same position as you next year...
The main thing is that University isn't everything, why not setup a business or go do an apprenticeship? You may have a big ego (IDK) but who cares your the only one who counts
Also what A-Levels are you taking? and what University do you want to go to?
- 17-06-2016 19:50
Well , firstly- you're a very good writer and you seem to know yourself really well- talents which a lot of people don't have.
You seem to have something to aspire to so just keep that as your motivation- you're doing for this for you, just remember that.
Lastly, it's never too late to turn things around- you just need to stick at it to see the good changes to come out of your actions.
Hope you feel better soon,
(Original post by Tsrsarahhhh)
- 17-06-2016 21:15
Don't stress your in AS atm if your grades are awful you always have the choice to resit, whether it's at the college you're in rn or a new college. If you don't get amazing grades, again don't worry. Unis base their offers on predicted grades. Your teacher will usually predict you the grade they think you will get. That means you really need to show them that you're not lazy you are a hard worker. Predicted grades are usually a grade above your as grade, for example I got ABCE and thought I would never get into uni but my teachers predicted me AAB, gave me amazing references and I got an offer from my first choice (whether I make the offer is an entirely different story ). What I'm saying is don't give up, maybe get a head start in the holidays and go over the A2 material, try and teach yourself to not procrastinate, i myself procrastinated last year but what motivated me to do well, stop procrastinating and revise was the end goal of uni and getting out of sixthform.
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- 17-06-2016 22:20
Just want to say that I completely understand where you are coming from, having myself suffered from depression and social anxiety.
What I would say is that you should keep moving forward and don't worry about what has happened in the past. You have achieved bas as results, that can't be changed. However, what can be changed is what you do from now on to improve.
You cou;d try watching motivational videos on YouTube or listening to motivation music - I find these help me a lot. They can really shift your mood and way of thinking. In regards to your anxiety/depression.procrastination, try changing your diet. Cut out gluten, sugar, carbohydrates, caffeine, junk food, strat eating real foods, as much green leafy vegetables and nuts/ seeds as you can. This will give you energy and the mental willpower to change yourself and eventually improve yourself.
Just want you to know that you aren't the only one who is going through this, others are as well. And there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just don't give up. You said you enjoy reading, try reading moticational and self-improvement books lfrom authors like Bene brown, Nick Vujicic. Try mindfullness meditation - I find it induces a deep peace within you which can help you break the cycle of procrastination. Try some supplements. Or talking therapy.
Just don't give. Always have hope.
Hope you get better.
- 17-06-2016 22:24
Btw, if you want more help, feel free to message me
- 17-06-2016 22:40
can kinda relate, i blagged my GCSEs was getting C's and D's especially in maths and somehow got all B's, took maths,physics,business and graphics at As, i got UUDB respectively, got kicked out my college as i couldn't enter A2 (those were dark days, family are very strict and it was hell) and i was soo lucky to find another college to take me on. I took maths and physics again along with film and design. retake first year i got CCCB which wasn't going to get me to a decent uni, on a lads holiday in magaluf i had a revelation and decided to POWER!(btw it a really Sh!t place but its soo bad its actually amazing ahah) so i started A2 maths 2 weeks before i got back for A2 and revised it solidly for hours everyday while most people took it easy. By October i had mastered c3 to A* and continued to learn ahead c4, ive had to redo most of my As exam on top of my A2 this year to get better grades (had/still got 11 exams). I did this with all my subjects now predicted A*BA* in A2 and am on track need AAA for uni, was lucky uni made me an offer as i worked for it and teachers wrote good references because of it,even on the applicant day the prof said to me on the 1to1 that it takes a lot of courage and maturity and was impressed, basically its not a dead end and redemption is always there. it wasnt easy but it was worth it, i should know, i didn't know what square root was until half way through 1st year of As maths,i also didnt know how to factorise until start of A2 maths ahaha if i could do this then anyone can, not gifted at all. its hard to find motivation and the hardest part is proving yourself to your family once again(for that you gotta wait till you take a test and get A or above). you'll be alright man
- 17-06-2016 23:13
Think hard about what you want to achieve in life and what kind of person you want to be. If it helps you, write down lists of your aims and why you need good grades. Work towards achieving those goals, be strong and you'll overcome all your obstacles. I'm naturally lazy and did almost no revision for GCSEs but at the beginning of year 12 I knew what i wanted and pushed myself from day 1...in moments of weakness I reminded myself all the reasons why I was doing this, and kept a picture on my desk that symbolized my aims. If you really want something, there's nothing to stop you.
Don't beat yourself up too much, what's done is done and right now you should focus on year 13, and you can always retake modules from year 12, and apply to uni post A-Level if you don't have the right AS grades. All is not lost so don't give up hope, there's still time to improve your grades if you become more conscientious and spend your time better next year. You might regret it for a long time if you don't.
It's all up to you. Good luck
- 18-06-2016 13:05
It may be worth seeing your GP or trying to get counselling to get some help with the depression.
As well as this a diagnosis of depression can help you with extenuating circumstances and I doubt your teachers would hate you or think you're lazy if they can see the reason why you're struggling is medical.
Also as others have said, there are always resits. Remember, help is always there if you reach out for it- well done for opening up on here. Ask someone at your school for help- maybe your personal tutor, explain the situation and they should be helpful and understanding. It seems you have a lot weighing you down and all I can recommend for that is telling someone and letting it out, don't internalise it and stay in your own head as this makes it so much worse.
I have suffered with anxiety and depression for years, it affected me at school, college and university. I wish I had reached out for help sooner- so again, well done for opening up about it on here and asking for help, now use that bravery in real life to seek the support you need and deserve. You can definitely turn this around, trust me on this I have managed to turn things around at school, college and uni. All it takes is the first step and some help. Easier said than done, if you don't feel confident enough to talk to someone irl currently then work on building up your confidence first with baby steps.
When it comes to getting into good study habits, take it one day at a time and make changes slowly. If you force too much on yourself and 'break' you will most likely feel even worse and struggle more. Everyone procrastinates and sometimes it can even be useful in getting our brain ready for certain stuff. Don't beat yourself up if you still procrastinate a lot, if you manage to study as well as that then focus on what you've achieved, not what you haven't.
Hope this helps, I'm sorry you're going through this too.