I'm 17. We've been going out for about 6 months. I am asexual and I told him that from the start, most of the time he is okay with it and other times it does annoy him, especially since he often wants more. But this isn't the bigger problem, I still can't say I love him.
He is not mentally stable, a few months ago I had to convince him not to commit suicide, he had made multiple attempts before we started going out. (This issue is now resolved after I told his Mother what was happening). But now it has reached breaking point in another respect, he's unstable because I can't say I love him. I am destroying him and I know I shouldn't have kept this going to long but I made that mistake and now I'm in too deep.
I'm trying to love him, but I am a very disconnected person, its hard to tell what I'm feeling and as much as I try to I don't know. If I don't sort it very very soon he will leave me because he can't keep going, and rightly so. He keeps saying he'll end it then a few hours later saying he loves me too much. What I've done to him is wrong but I don't know how to fix it.
At the same time I'm petrified of breaking up. I am very shy, I had no friends before I was with him, he always saw me alone and eventually decided to be friends, then ended up asking me out and I though he was fun so I said yes. Now if we break up I will have nobody again. He has other friends, but I will return to sitting by myself the entire time, hiding away and pretending I don't need people. I've never managed to hold down a friendship for longer than 2 years before the others move on, I struggle to form strong bonds with people and he is the first person I have done so with. But if I don't fix this it will be over. I've gone through 4 years completely alone and the final two were horrific. I can't deal with that again.
Yet I'm also destroying my boyfriend currently by not being able to say I love him. I really like spending time with him, but its hard to tell whether I love him or I'm just happy to finally have somebody to spend time with instead of being alone. Everybody my boyfriend talks to about it says they would have dumped me by now, but he's still around and everybody doesn't approve. They all think I'm not being fair ect. and they are completely right. I don't want to lose him but I don't want to lie to him about my feelings nor do I want to keep hurting him.
What should I do?
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- Thread Starter
- 19-06-2016 16:17
- 19-06-2016 16:21
1) what is it that you really want?
2) figure out how you can remain friends with him without breaking his heart.
- 19-06-2016 18:48
Why are you in a relationship, you're just causing harm to this guy.
- 19-06-2016 19:15
Honestly being in a relationship just for the label isn't worth it,
If you do split, there's absolutely no chance that you two won't be good friends still, the connection will still be there! But having to force yourself to keep a relationship stable, even though you know it isn't, won't get achieve anything. Something similar happened to me, and to be honest I feel so much better being able to just spend a good time with them rather than "trying" to have a good time, just be friends! D
But also remember that it's not always a good thing to have them become reliant on you to become stable, because if something happens that means you can't help them anymore, they have nothing. Give them guidance, not a cure, else they can't work on themselves, unless the situation is worse than i think ;-;
- Thread Starter
- 19-06-2016 19:37
The main issue is that if we split I will literally have nobody to talk to again, the same as 6 months ago. He has said that if I don't say I love him he is leaving me and never looking back. We won't talk or anything, it'll end with is just being civil when we see each other around the sixth form and in lessons. He is a social person, I'm not good at talking to people, I won't make new friends. I've been lonely like that for 4 years and I can't face it again.
But I am just hurting him at the moment, it's not fair and its not right. If we could stay friends then that is what I would choose, find a way to do that. But it doesn't seem to be an option.
Plus, he wants us to do our gold dofe residential together in summer. I don't know what to say to that either because that needs sorting now, not when this situation is sorted.
- 19-06-2016 20:07
Order food from UBER using code: uberfood16 to get £10 off your first delivery. They don't charge for the actual delivery btw!! and there is no minimum charge.