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    Hi,

    I've been in a relationship for 3 years, he's at uni already and I'm starting in September. We're both away a lot over the summer, and there's one stretch where we won't see each other for 6 weeks.
    We've both been talking (and overthinking) about our relationship, whether we should break up because we've never been with anyone else and we're both very young and need time to be ourselves and be with other people, and how do we know that we really love each other if we've never been with anyone else etc.
    I'm 100% a relationship person. I could enjoy a month or couple of months of singledom, but I much prefer being with someone I trust, can message, who loves and cares about me etc.
    I know that I'm curious about being with other people, but we've had breaks before and always gotten back together - though not long enough for us to get over each other exactly.
    I know that it would take me months to get over him, and I don't know if I ever really would, and I'm really scared about being low and missing him and making a mistake - yet it can't be healthy to be with one person forever?

    If anyone has any advice, please let me know - emotional turmoil is really bringing me down.
    Thanks in advance x
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    I think there could be some merit in parting amicably now. I think few longstanding teenage relationships ultimately stand the tests of time and uni.
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    You can tell he isn't in love if he has to tell you that both of you should date other people to see if you love each other lol, that is an excuse he wants to meet/date other people.
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    Personally, I think you should give it a go. I reckon with what you're saying about how long it would take you to get over him, and how much you care about him, there would not be any point in breaking up. I think the best thing would be to see the natural course of the relationship - maybe the 6 weeks of not seeing eachother will break you up, in which case you'll know it's not right, or maybe it'll bring you closer together.

    I think breaking up is a very abrupt thing to do, and it could either follow by something really good like finding an amazing new guy, but at the same time if you break up and realise you really love him, you might end up regretting it. If you're both sure that you don't want to be together anymore, then go with your gut and break up, however I think a break up should only be triggered by negative emotions, and seemingly you're very happy with him.

    If it's meant to be, it'll be, and if it's not, you will find out. Hope this helped x
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    (Original post by chikane)
    You can tell he isn't in love if he has to tell you that both of you should date other people to see if you love each other lol, that is an excuse he wants to meet/date other people.
    He hasn't said that though, more that we don't think it's healthy for us to be so dependent on each other at this age...
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    (Original post by danuuutka)
    Personally, I think you should give it a go. I reckon with what you're saying about how long it would take you to get over him, and how much you care about him, there would not be any point in breaking up. I think the best thing would be to see the natural course of the relationship - maybe the 6 weeks of not seeing eachother will break you up, in which case you'll know it's not right, or maybe it'll bring you closer together.

    I think breaking up is a very abrupt thing to do, and it could either follow by something really good like finding an amazing new guy, but at the same time if you break up and realise you really love him, you might end up regretting it. If you're both sure that you don't want to be together anymore, then go with your gut and break up, however I think a break up should only be triggered by negative emotions, and seemingly you're very happy with him.

    If it's meant to be, it'll be, and if it's not, you will find out. Hope this helped x
    Yeah, I see your point definitely, and nothing specific has happened to make us fall out or want to break up, we're really close, and have managed to get through this year with him being at uni and me at home. I'm just overthinking about the future, but if we break up then that should happen naturally by drifting apart, not through predicting what could happen. x
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    I think there could be some merit in parting amicably now. I think few longstanding teenage relationships ultimately stand the tests of time and uni.
    Parting amicably would definitely be a lot nicer for if we want to be friends in the future, but if there's no particular reason for us to breakup now then I feel like we might just end up getting back together/going tbrough a lot of pain and regretting it anyway?
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    (Original post by burgess1998)
    if we break up then that should happen naturally by drifting apart, not through predicting what could happen. x
    Was just going to post something along these lines but you've said it yourself. I wouldn't say it's somehow unhealthy to be in a committed relationship at a young age, if things don't work out and you split up then it happens, if you stay together and are "childhood sweethearts" who stay together for the rest of your lives...that happens, neither are an issue unless you make them so.

    Only thing is how much has been topic been discussed, if you've repeatedly discussed the issues of not being with others, about how you know you love each other without playing the field so to say etc...then is this due to some nagging issues in the relationship?
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    I wouldn't say it's somehow unhealthy to be in a committed relationship at a young age, if things don't work out and you split up then it happens...neither are an issue unless you make them so.

    Only thing is how much has been topic been discussed, if you've repeatedly discussed the issues of not being with others, about how you know you love each other without playing the field so to say etc...then is this due to some nagging issues in the relationship?
    We've talked about it every few months since before Christmas. We don't generally talk about playing the field as much as it not being 'healthy', but I think I generally think about it more when I think that he's thinking about it, if that makes sense...A lot of his friends have recently broken up with their girlfriends, so I think he's discussed it more recently, but he assures me that he wants to stay together. I'd like to see how things go more I think...
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    (Original post by burgess1998)
    He hasn't said that though, more that we don't think it's healthy for us to be so dependent on each other at this age...
    Has he already met someone at uni? I think you should just break up with him because once you start uni you will meet loads of new people and you will forget about him soon.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    Has he already met someone at uni? I think you should just break up with him because once you start uni you will meet loads of new people and you will forget about him soon.
    I think you're underestimating how much someone can mean to you after 3 years, whether you're meeting new people or not 😓
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    (Original post by burgess1998)
    I think you're underestimating how much someone can mean to you after 3 years, whether you're meeting new people or not 😓
    You should give your relationship a try - why give up so easliy if it means that much to you?
    Is there anything wrong with being with jus one person? Or maybe your relationship seems doomed because of what is going on around you?
    Dont give up hope or what was the point of staying three years in the first place?
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    (Original post by burgess1998)
    I think you're underestimating how much someone can mean to you after 3 years, whether you're meeting new people or not 😓
    (Original post by Rt6f)
    You should give your relationship a try - why give up so easliy if it means that much to you?
    Is there anything wrong with being with jus one person? Or maybe your relationship seems doomed because of what is going on around you?
    Dont give up hope or what was the point of staying three years in the first place?
    Agree with Rt6f there's nothing wrong with being with one person but it looks as if he wants to split up and if you both at different uni's there will be more distance between you.
    However if I was away from someone I loved i would miss them more and wouldn't want to split up or even dare be with someone else so I do think there are issues in your relationship if he wants to give it up.
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    (Original post by burgess1998)
    Parting amicably would definitely be a lot nicer for if we want to be friends in the future, but if there's no particular reason for us to breakup now then I feel like we might just end up getting back together/going tbrough a lot of pain and regretting it anyway?
    It's a tough one. Perhaps follow your heart, see what happens.
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    My grandparents broke up a few times when they were younger, briefly, but later married, had two children and are still together to this day. They're in their late 70s and early 80s now, with 5 grandchildren. They were highschool sweethearts.
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    (Original post by burgess1998)
    Yeah, I see your point definitely, and nothing specific has happened to make us fall out or want to break up, we're really close, and have managed to get through this year with him being at uni and me at home. I'm just overthinking about the future, but if we break up then that should happen naturally by drifting apart, not through predicting what could happen. x
    Ive been in the completely same boat before! I was like thinking of all the "what ifs" so I thought "well if we break up then the what ifs won't happen", and then I thought to myself about how silly that was, and if I'm happy with him, I should stay with him and let the relationship go whatever way it's meant to go, rather than try to one up it and predict the future! x
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    (Original post by danuuutka)
    Ive been in the completely same boat before! I was like thinking of all the "what ifs" so I thought "well if we break up then the what ifs won't happen", and then I thought to myself about how silly that was, and if I'm happy with him, I should stay with him and let the relationship go whatever way it's meant to go, rather than try to one up it and predict the future! x
    It's always really nice to have someone else who's been in the same situation! Yeah I agree that guessing what could happen is just more hassle than it's worth, I think I'm just worried that something would happen to make us break up in the future and I don't want it to be me hurting him or vice versa, although it's probably just overthinking as well...
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    (Original post by Tsukino_Aisuru_A)
    My grandparents broke up a few times when they were younger, briefly, but later married, had two children and are still together to this day. They're in their late 70s and early 80s now, with 5 grandchildren. They were highschool sweethearts.
    Really? Weird question about your grandparents for you, but had they had other relationships as well?
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    (Original post by burgess1998)
    Really? Weird question about your grandparents for you, but had they had other relationships as well?
    I actually asked them that before, and they told me they had thought of it but no go. They loved each other too much. That's why they ended up married for well over half a century and countin'!
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    personally I don't buy into the whole thing that you need to date lots of people and have time to 'find yourself' before settling down

    as far as seeing other people, if no one has yet compared to your partner why are you so worried they aren't good enough? if you're happy with your relationship as it is why look for something different and risk losing a good thing? - don't try and fix what's not broken... and as far as sex goes, well sex with someone you've been with for years is 100x better than casual sex with someone you barely know so you're certainly not going to miss out on anything there

    onto 'finding yourself'... if you give each other enough space there's no reason to assume you will be any different without the other person, if you have a personal trait (e.g. independence) you want to work on you can still do that within the confines of the relationship, I've been in a relationship for 6 years and the person I am has changed as a result as we have grown together but I think if we broke up I would be exactly the same person as I am right now in the relationship
 
 
 
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