Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Why are some people so unaware of how others may be feeling? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    I know my friends are very, very privileged, however, I often find myself listening to them talking about their problems without being asked about how I am despite the fact that I have had a much more unfortunate life.

    Of course, I know that me having a difficult time doesnt stop my friends from feeling bad about their own issues but it would just be nice if they thanked me for listening and asked how I was every now and then.

    For example, it's Father's Day, obviously, and my father has just died, however, not one of my friends has asked how I am and I've been listening to relationship problems and all sorts all night.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Some people literally only care about themselves.

    Then there's the others who are literally stupid and unable to think about others and how they may be feeling.

    Sorry to hear about your dad and sorry that they aren't asking how you are.

    I would say some people don't know when is the right time or if it's appropriate to ask people how they are given what's happened...but they are talking about themselves and their issues so this doesn't apply to them :/
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    Sorry to hear about the loss of your father.

    It seems that since you seem to be a listener, you might be regarded as quiet by your friends, hence the reason they might have not brought anything up about your father- As well as this is a sensitive issue so they could just be trying to be considerate in this case.

    If this is the way you feel, you should simply just point it out to them- Being quiet about it won't make things better, they might just be unaware about your circumstances.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    It's difficult because if they ask, they might trigger you or make you annoyed at them for ruining the moment of not being worried about that issue at the time. However, they might do things to take your mind off it i'm guessing
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Just take them aside and say something along the lines of "I've been feeling really sad/anxious/unhappy about [this thing] and I would really like to vent/talk about it with you guys," and hopefully you can open up communication with your friends. Take charge and tell them how you feel, because they don't know.

    It's okay to ask for validation, like "Is it okay that I talk about this/that you ask me how I am from time to time," which might encourage them to ensure that they're looking out for you, too.

    I've had some experience with unsensitive friends, and sometimes you let them go, which is okay. It can be tough being the "listener" but just remember that you can find another "listener" friend, too. You should be able to support each other equally.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Because some people are so stupidly absorbed in their own lives that they don't realise there are other people in the universe - that probably wasn't helpful but when they're ranting about stuff, rant with them too or build a rapport where you're actively taking part.

    Or ditch those friends and find new (maybe better?) ones

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Let me tell you something.

    Within my circle of friends I'm pretty much the advice giver. Despite being completely hopeless when it comes to dating, many of my friends come to me for advice on break-ups, asking a girl out etc. I spend hours researching these topics and using this knowledge to help people on internet forums like TSR, Reddit etc. Very rarely do I feel appreciated for what I do, and I can tell you as a fact that whenever I have issues people are very dismissive of what I have to say and, quite often, turn it back to themselves. I could give it all up in a heartbeat. I choose not to because I'm determined to do as much good in this world as I can.

    Case in point; the world is cruel, and it's population selfish. It's a sad fact of life and one which you have to accept. That said, you don't have to give up on what makes you a good person, in this case being a good listener and support for your friends, and you should take pride in the fact you're willing to do something not many others would. If this really bothers you, communicate it with your friends as they may be willing to change, but just know that not everyone lives by the same principles as yourself. As frustrating as it is mate, I suggest you keep on being an awesome human being.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    They probably don't want to upset you and think they're helping by taking your mind off of it. People don't know how to react in those situations... it's not that they don't care.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    As Moura said. Sometime I spare a thought for someone, and then think twice and think that it's better off not mentioning, because they might've been dealing with it perfectly well until I bring it up. And I can listen, you know, and ask about how everything is and whether they want or need anything, but otherwise I am pretty powerless.

    But for what it's worth, sorry about what has happened. It must not be very easy to deal with at all.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: June 21, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.