People say I've no confidence but I feel the negativity comes from others/not me.

I haveI tended to feel low in mood lately and although I've not been diagnosed with depression I have had anxiety in the past People tell me I've got low self esteem and need more self confidence but more often than not I think it is other people that point out my inadequacies so I'm confused at how I should be feeling, I don't know what I'm supposed to believe and think about myself. I qualified as a nurse and although I've done fine with the academic assignments etc I've struggled to assert myself on placements and use common sense. I had to retake my last placement as they said I lacked knowledge, was anxious and was asking questions that I should already have known at my stage of learning. I then stopped asking questions and they said that I needed to show more interest by asking questions lol. I passed eventually but basically all my inadequacies were revealed. I struggled to answer a phone call - a woman who worked there rang wanting to know the number to a gp. I'd forgotten how to find the GPs number on the computer it wasn't in obvious places I searched everywhere in a panic. She was annoyed and said 'well how do you do it for your patients then'. I was polite and tried to get help from the team but they told me to put her through to admin. I wasn't sure how to put a call through so gave her the number. She said I should be able to put her through and that I was very unprofessional, I just apologised and said thanks (didn't know what to say).

My mentor found out about it and had been told that I couldn't put her through and grunted on the phone or something. She said that often she doesn't know how to put calls through but that I should have been able to help her. I passed eventually as I did assessments well but it's common sense things I can't do and I now have a phobia of phones lol. I've not got a job as a qualified nurse as I don't think I could handle it and the responsibility, that's just me being realistic I've decided I don't want to be a nurse anymore anyway. I don't have good social skills/have never had a circle of friends as I find it hard to talk and express myself. Sometimes I'm fine when relaxed but in other situations I clam up and find it that hard to talk freely I end up saying nothing like a little kid might.

I've also been doing sports for the past 10 years despite comming last in races, I get put in middle distance events like 1500m for points for the team but nearly always come last, I'm nowhere near the same standard despite training but I always believe that il improve with training. I've also been training in pole vault on and off for 5 years and still can't grasp the basic technique (due to fear) that others have picked up after 6 weeks. I can get over the bar using an inadequate technique and have won competitions mainly cause there's only me and a few others not as strong as me that have entered. However even my coach asks why I still do it as i'l never be a decent vaulter, but then he still encourages me. I put it down to my fear/lack of motivation at times though and for some reason still have some belief i'l grasp it. I enjoy trying to improve.

I work best alone and often do dopy things in front of people that people pick up on. One woman who knows me seriously said that if she saw me on a ward as a nurse she would walk back out. She has also told someone who was going to ask me for some health information (on blood pressure) not to ask me as I wouldn't know. She's also said I'm naive to people.

So my basic question is people often tell me that I've no confidence /self esteem but then I feel I have lots of self belief and it's usually other people that tell me I'm inadequate in things. When feeling low people often advise you to stop the negative thinking but what if it's not you who is the one being negative, but the people around you? I'm in a low mood and trying to cheer myself up lol but am not sure how to. I'm just confused at what perspective I should have on things lol.