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    I live in a small town in a big city. I absolutley hate it. There literally is nothing here for me at all. I just feel sorry for my 2 younger siblings as they'll have to go through what I am right now. Ever since I was a teen, I've always wanted to move out and be independent.

    To give you an insight of my current situation, I am currently working as an Apprentice. I earn like £536 a month. And for me, I guess that's okay (considering that this is like my first ever, stable job. I've only had 2 temp jobs before). But I've gotten to the point where I feel miserable in that job (I'm applying for loads of jobs atm). I've just realised that people who work in Tesco, Asda, New Look etc earn WAY more than me. And I know every job gives you valuable experience, but Idk what to do anymore.

    All I want to do is just get my own place. I honestly feel like crap everytime I wake up. I'm only 20yrs old and some of you may think that I'm thinking way too ahead of myself. But tbh, moving out and being independent is something that's been on my mind since I was 15. I used to get bullied in my own home; so there's that. If I can't get my own place (which I highly think is gonna happen in 2yrs time(lol), I'm just gonna have to use Uni as an option to "move out". It kinda upsets me bc all my Mum's side live in London whereas my family and I live in a crappy, small town in Manchester.

    I've always "dreamed" of moving to London, but now I'm out of that phase and I've come to the realisation that this will never happend bc I literally have nothing to my name (as in I've never had anything; no money, no nothing.

    My Dad doesn't give a **** about us. He doesn't want to think about our future or what we want. I once met my class mate from school like 2yrs ago and she told me how her Dad had actually bought her a house (or flat, I can't remember) and omg it made me feel like such crap. I just thought to myself "I wish my Dad did something like that for me"). It's ****ing ****. I just feel like I'm literally not doing anything with my life.

    I also have a friend/whatever tf you wanna call it who is like 5yrs older than me. He seems to give me negative vibes and also put me down in a subtle, yet obvious way. Like for e.g. I had two NHS job interviews on Monday and Tuesday and he was like "You obviously won't get the job/s". He makes me miserable too. We both work at the same place, different floors. And everytime when we meet up for lunch he'll moan to me how he has to do the same thing every day. He makes me feel even MORE miserable. Yes I know some might say to find new people to become friends with, but Idk where to go or what to do. He's just so toxic and not a good person to be around with too. LIke he'll pressure me into buying things I don't wanna buy.

    I honestly don't know what to do with my life anymore. Slowly I'm starting to feel like that 15yr old boy I was, 5yrs ago...

    Btw I don't have anyone else to talk to, so I thought I'd spill the beans here.


    It sounds like you're feeling down at the moment. First of all, I think it's important you know that what you are experiencing is really common so don't beat yourself up about that. Next, I think you need to start to give yourself some words of positive encouragement: you are in employment and actively seeking opportunities to go further, be proud of that. You're also reaching out so that shows strength.

    When I'm feeling a bit lost and think my dreams are unattainable I like to get some advice so here is my suggestion: make an action plan for your future. To make it really achievable, stick to a period of 6-12 months and have a mix of tasks (a task would be something like "apply for x job" and goals (this would be something like "move to London".

    There are so many ways you can do this, it's up to your own style, but I do a mix of the following:
    Make a mind map
    Make a list
    Make a spreadsheet

    You'll need to put in your own tasks and goals but I've helped you a bit with the types of topics to think about:

    What's your apprenticeship in? What are the skills you have developed/are developing? Importantly, what do you ENJOY about it? Once you can drill down those key areas that will help you plan for your next move (what you want to do, when you want to move jobs, what skills you need in order to get this job or uni course etc). Trust me, it's important to be happy in your job...

    Now is the perfect time for you to explore what else you could be doing to get your DREAM job (and maybe that will lead on to your DREAM of London) - volunteering, online courses, clubs etc.Have you ever heard of a book called The Art of Being Brilliant? It's a short read but gives you activities to do - I think it would be worthwhile investing in that. Google it anyway

    You mentioned you have a friendship that is causing you some stress. Have you approached him about any of this? He may be feeling down about things in his own life, or, he could be a mood hoover (again, trust me, read that book I suggested). Reflect on what benefits this relationship brings to your life and weigh it up against the cons.
    By the way, volunteering/local clubs or classes are an excellent way for you to increase your social circle and I think will help you focus less on what this one friend is saying to you.

    This is the biggy so add it on to you action plan. It involves a lot of scary stuff but it's doable. I moved to London when I went to uni and then I moved to Thailand a few years ago. I didn't know anyone there, didn't have a load of money to fall back on and I had a great time. If I can do it, you can too.

    Ok so now you've made your action plan. Print it off/draw it and stick on your wall - or keep in your computer. Cross off items as and when you have completed them - this will give you a boost and show you how much left you have to achieve.

    Once you've achieved all these goals you will be the person your siblings look up to

    Finally, good luck with your interviews!!
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