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    So I had 9 A Level exams in total and have 24 hours to do my last two (F325, chemistry, and F214, biology). The night before F325, I was having a mental breakdown, started to self-harm and pondered at the thought of suicide, I gave up trying to prove my teachers wrong who predicted me D's and tried stopping me applying to uni (but I applied to uni behind their backs and managed get offers and firmed and insured Newcastle and UEA).

    I genuinely thought my teachers were right and that I was pathetic in even trying. I went to do F325 and said that I want to withdraw because I wasn't in the mental state. They sat me in a room, made me do F325 for an hour (when it's actually 2 hours) and I wrote nothing because I spent every minute of it crying. The same happened for F214 the next day.

    Self harm TW
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I went to the doctor (my own GP wasn't available) and looked at my previous records and seen that I was referred to an adolescent psychiatrist, laxative abuse, having to go in to see if my cuts needed stitching up and to be disinfected and wrapped, and how I attempted to seek help for depression beforehand and letters sent to schools which led to be removed from my AS exams first time round.


    So I basically got U's in them 2 papers, I will be amazed if I get a C overall but think I'm realistically looking at D's. I feel awful. I don't know what to do. I'm already a year behind from university and if anything, I just want to be happy again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I had 9 A Level exams in total and have 24 hours to do my last two (F325, chemistry, and F214, biology). The night before F325, I was having a mental breakdown, started to self-harm and pondered at the thought of suicide, I gave up trying to prove my teachers wrong who predicted me D's and tried stopping me applying to uni (but I applied to uni behind their backs and managed get offers and firmed and insured Newcastle and UEA).

    I genuinely thought my teachers were right and that I was pathetic in even trying. I went to do F325 and said that I want to withdraw because I wasn't in the mental state. They sat me in a room, made me do F325 for an hour (when it's actually 2 hours) and I wrote nothing because I spent every minute of it crying. The same happened for F214 the next day.

    Self harm TW
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I went to the doctor (my own GP wasn't available) and looked at my previous records and seen that I was referred to an adolescent psychiatrist, laxative abuse, having to go in to see if my cuts needed stitching up and to be disinfected and wrapped, and how I attempted to seek help for depression beforehand and letters sent to schools which led to be removed from my AS exams first time round.

    So I basically got U's in them 2 papers, I will be amazed if I get a C overall but think I'm realistically looking at D's. I feel awful. I don't know what to do. I'm already a year behind from university and if anything, I just want to be happy again.
    That's gotta be so hard for you x your doing so well by keeping going. I sounds like you need to try to get your head sorted out before you look at uni as the pressure is only going to get worse. I dropped a year in 6th form so i know the year behind thing but there is nothing saying you should go to uni straight up. My friend is actually at a summer school this week for his course and hes the youngest there. The next youngest is 23. It probably easier to get well here first while you still have your family and a doctor you recognise as re explaining it could be difficult. If you stay back a year you could look at re-sitting your A levels if you have done badly. If you want to go to uni it might depend on what your offers are. If you miss them, you'll have to tell them about your issues and ask them to be nice or go in to clearing. Its got to be your decision either way but i would recommend staying. A year isn't that long in time but, if you could get better in it, you would enjoy the uni experience so much more xxx Get Well Soon!
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    Don't listen to any teacher saying you aren't going to Uni. They've no reason to say that, had it said to me myself during a really bad year for my mental health and got the best grades possible afterwards anyway and now have a firmed offer for a good course. What gives them the right to stop you from applying anyway?
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    Sorry your teachers said that to you, that's horrible :/ you're doing the right thing by getting help, exam grades aren't the end of the world but I appreciate it doesn't feel like that at the time! There's always another way to get to where you want to be though. If you're desperate to go to uni this time clearing is probably your best option if your uni choices don't accept you (which they may well do!)- there's loads of support you can get there with mental health and DSA can help a lot too.

    The other option is taking a gap year to focus on getting better and maybe do a couple of resits, there's loads of other stuff like getting a job and saving up for uni, travelling, picking up new hobbies etc you could do if you want to too. Try not to worry too much about being behind, it's not nice when other people first go away but you can meet new ones and see them in the holidays and you won't be the only one staying at home. Once you're actually at uni it's very unlikely anyone will notice or mind if they did, and if you're happier and in a better mindset that's definitely worth it.

    I've taken two gap years now for health reasons and probably going to end up with a third, it's not nice to have to do but in the long run really doesn't matter and could make a huge difference to you if it helps. I don't want to put too much on the public forum but you're very welcome to PM me if you want to talk to someone who's been in a similar situation really hope things work out whatever you decide, remember health is always most important too- without that there's a lot less you can do.

    Edit: that ended up as a huge ramble sorry hope there's at least a little bit of help in there though.

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    • #2
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    Your last sentence really strikes a chord with me You just want to feel happy again, if ever I had the urge to hug someone over the Internet it's now.

    This is the thing, there is no time limit for going to uni. Many people take one or two gap years before uni, whereas others take a few years off to work and save some money or to get more of an idea of the right career path for them.

    The schools sometimes make it seem as if you have to follow this regimented linear pattern in order to succeed. You have to do what everyone else is doing. You have to complete your A-levels in the allotted time, and then straight off to uni. They pressurise people into going to university when it's sometimes not the right time for them. And then that provides such a pressure when doing your A-levels. It's really not helpful for some pupils.


    Honestly, that has not got to be the case. Your priority in life right now is to be happy again. That's the most important thing. And then when you are in a better place mentally, you can focus again on university. Trust me, uni can wait.

    So there's two possible outcomes here, you are either going to get accepted into uni, or you aren't.

    If you are not accepted, it is not the end of the world. It says nothing at all about your academic ability, just that you weren't in the best place mentally and had a panic during the exams. It won't always be like that, I think it's a combination of the pressure you felt because of your uni offers, the negativity of your teachers and your current mindset. It doesn't have to be like that. You can always start afresh. You can go to another college, reapply and take this extra time to focus on your mental well being. Honestly, being two years 'behind' is absolutely nothing! It's not even being behind, there's really no difference in being 18 or 20 when you start uni.

    Or you get accepted to uni anyway. If that's the case, great! But if you still don't feel ready yet, and would rather focus on your mental wellbeing before going then again there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking an extra year off. You can easily defer your entry for a year. And then you can take that time to focus on your mental well-being, which will definitely pay off when it comes to uni, in regards to both the student experience and your academic performance.

    But if you feel that going to uni would provide a fresh start then that's also great, you'll meet plenty of great people there and it really does give people a new lease of life


    I cannot stress enough how important it is to recognise that it you feel uni isn't the right time for you, that how normal that is. I know plenty of people who went to uni a little later and they were more confident, stable and happy people who performed better than had they gone to uni straight away. You need to recognise what's best for you, you need to prioritise your mental well being.

    I really want you to focus on your happiness. And believe me and everyone else who had posted, when we say that that is not dependent on getting accepted into those unis.


    I sincerely wish you well :hugs:

    As a side note, are you receiving any form of talking therapy? If not, I couldn't emphasise the beneficial potential of that enough.
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    No idea I posted anonymously there! ^^^

    Also I didn't realise this was posted a week ago, how are you feeling now OP?
 
 
 
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