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    I'll try to keep it brief - my bf who I've only been with for 5 months has a new job and a girl works there who texts him a lot.

    I only know of her because she pops up on his phone a lot which I notice when I'm sitting next to him. I also notice that he'll swipe the message away quickly. He also in the past week or so takes his phone everywhere even if he is going from his room to the toilet. Not that I would do anything - he has a password and I'm not like that.

    The other thing I noticed is that when he opened a message the other day they had been sending pictures of themselves drinking to each other and there was a message about how much notice you need to give at their workplace - to which he replied 'what, are you definitely leaving? '

    I'm just wondering whether any of this is something I should be concerned about or whether it's just that he has a friend at work and none of this is unusual. I know he has cheated in previous relationships and we live a long distance away from each other so this may be contributing to me feeling uneasy.

    I just want to know how other people would react in this situation in a relationship. Please be nice to me, I'm not accusing him of anything, just airing the feelings I have at the moment.


    side notes:
    - I don't read his texts over his shoulder or anything. He has a single bed which we both sit on so I'm right next to him. I've also never found it weird glancing at his phone while he's using it, as worries like this have never been an issue for me before.
    - I'm not overly paranoid about how he is with other girls. He has friends who he goes to the cinema with 1 on 1 and things, which never bothers me, I'm not controlling or psycho [just what a psycho would say haha, but really!]
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    I can understand why you've written the end bit, so many idiots will just be nasty :yes:

    Right, he's be unfaithful in other relationships, what's to say him and that girl have not done anything, hence her leaving? Ask him. He'll want to know how you know; tell him. He's taking his phone everywhere, he's upto to something. If his explanations not credible I'd end it.

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    You sound perfectly normal.

    You cna either trust him, broach him about it (but not too heaily) or prepare yourself for the fact things might go off. If your relationship is good, then trust him. You need a bit more I think, but when or if it really does worry you then talk to him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'll try to keep it brief - my bf who I've only been with for 5 months has a new job and a girl works there who texts him a lot.

    I only know of her because she pops up on his phone a lot which I notice when I'm sitting next to him. I also notice that he'll swipe the message away quickly. He also in the past week or so takes his phone everywhere even if he is going from his room to the toilet. Not that I would do anything - he has a password and I'm not like that.

    The other thing I noticed is that when he opened a message the other day they had been sending pictures of themselves drinking to each other and there was a message about how much notice you need to give at their workplace - to which he replied 'what, are you definitely leaving? '

    I'm just wondering whether any of this is something I should be concerned about or whether it's just that he has a friend at work and none of this is unusual. I know he has cheated in previous relationships and we live a long distance away from each other so this may be contributing to me feeling uneasy.

    I just want to know how other people would react in this situation in a relationship. Please be nice to me, I'm not accusing him of anything, just airing the feelings I have at the moment.


    side notes:
    - I don't read his texts over his shoulder or anything. He has a single bed which we both sit on so I'm right next to him. I've also never found it weird glancing at his phone while he's using it, as worries like this have never been an issue for me before.
    - I'm not overly paranoid about how he is with other girls. He has friends who he goes to the cinema with 1 on 1 and things, which never bothers me, I'm not controlling or psycho [just what a psycho would say haha, but really!]


    Of course you should be concerned about it!!!!! Does that girl from his job know that you are his girlfriend?
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    Hmm, as a man I think that he should be totally open and just let you know who she is and what she means to him. If he did that they he would be giving you a reason to trust him but he's not.
    In my past relationship (2 years) I told my girlfriend my password to my phone and let her go on it whenever, I was more than happy with her looking through it, as there was nothing to hide.
    I'd speak to him about it,be totally upfront and if he respects you he'll tell you how it is.
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    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    I can understand why you've written the end bit, so many idiots will just be nasty :yes:

    Right, he's be unfaithful in other relationships, what's to say him and that girl have not done anything, hence her leaving? Ask him. He'll want to know how you know; tell him. He's taking his phone everywhere, he's upto to something. If his explanations not credible I'd end it.

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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You sound perfectly normal.

    You cna either trust him, broach him about it (but not too heaily) or prepare yourself for the fact things might go off. If your relationship is good, then trust him. You need a bit more I think, but when or if it really does worry you then talk to him.
    (Original post by In2u)
    Of course you should be concerned about it!!!!! Does that girl from his job know that you are his girlfriend?
    (Original post by calm down)
    Hmm, as a man I think that he should be totally open and just let you know who she is and what she means to him. If he did that they he would be giving you a reason to trust him but he's not.
    In my past relationship (2 years) I told my girlfriend my password to my phone and let her go on it whenever, I was more than happy with her looking through it, as there was nothing to hide.
    I'd speak to him about it,be totally upfront and if he respects you he'll tell you how it is.
    Thanks so much for your guys' support it means a HELL of a lot! The thing is I have become a bit psycho in a previous relationship, which I think was as a result of his infidelity and my inability to put my foot down and leave. But I worry now that I may turn into that stereotypical paranoid girlfriend with him.

    So far our relationship has been so healthy. The thing is I do trust him, I believe he really loves me, and this is the first thing causing any doubt. I know that I have guy friends, who he doesn't know, who I have sent messages like... 'I miss you!!' or something. Which I know means nothing, but could be misconstrued by him if he saw it with no context. And this could easily be like that, in reverse.

    I think, as others have said, I will find a tactful way to broach it, to find out more information but also in a totally honest way. I might say to him if a text comes up 'that girl texts you loads' or something like that.

    Thank you for the advice. I might post back here at a later date..
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    Communication is good. If you approach it in an adult way then he can give you a clear answer and you cna sort it out together.
    If you are in a good place it wont be a problem
    .If he cnat handle it , then you have your answer.
    If you are unhappy and he doesnt take your concerns seriously then finish it.

    The aim is to feel in control, so that if things get unsatisfactory you know you have the strength just to call it a day without all the drama.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    I'm just wondering whether any of this is something I should be concerned about or whether it's just that he has a friend at work and none of this is unusual. I know he has cheated in previous relationships and we live a long distance away from each other so this may be contributing to me feeling uneasy.
    ........... :erm:
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    (Original post by goam)
    ........... :erm:
    Goam, I too have cheated in a previous relationship, although to a lesser extent than him. When you go into a relationship and you know that about someone, it can make you cautious, rightfully so, but you can't write someone off as being untrustworthy because of it.

    At the end of the day, how many people in their 20s have cheated? And do none of them deserve the benefit of the doubt or to enter into a long term relationship?

    I understand your comment 100% and like my OP says it is giving me some concern but I'm just speaking up in defence of have-been-cheaters lol.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Goam, I too have cheated in a previous relationship, although to a lesser extent than him. When you go into a relationship and you know that about someone, it can make you cautious, rightfully so, but you can't write someone off as being untrustworthy because of it.

    At the end of the day, how many people in their 20s have cheated? And do none of them deserve the benefit of the doubt or to enter into a long term relationship?

    I understand your comment 100% and like my OP says it is giving me some concern but I'm just speaking up in defence of have-been-cheaters lol.
    Yeah I agree, people can definitely change but having cheated would be a big red flag for me personally.I'm sure many people in their 20s have cheated but just because a lot of people do it doesn't make it okay.

    Sorry if this is too personal & feel free to not answer, but why did you cheat?

    But ignoring that, I do think him taking his phone everywhere with him is a bit sketchy if that's something he didn't used to do. If I were you I would just be weary of him and see if his behaviour changes then if it carries on I'd ask casually ask him about it
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    I agree with talking to him about it. But don't come across as accusing him of actually doing something wrong.
 
 
 
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