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University and relationships
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Reply 40
I'm finding it quite difficult so far - I'm in my first year, as is she. Obviously I miss her like crazy, we talk every day which is great but haven't seen each other yet as there's about 150 miles between us. The biggest issue for me is trust - I do trust her but this is a huge test of that trust, and today in particular I've been worried that she's gonna find someone else. She's a good looking girl who could do a lot better than me and think that's where my fears are stemmed from. Ultimately I want to spend the rest of my life with her but after reading some posts on here, it seems lots of people think that and then it all falls apart. I know she'll have changed a lot, but I'm worried that I'll find it hard to adjust.
Somebody mentioned getting paranoid about small things - she's been with a couple of guys before who I know. I can't stop thinking about her with them and then I think she could be with another bloke right now and I'd have no idea. It's ridiculous, I love her to bits and I trust her but these things are always at the back of my mind, and I don't know why but today in particular it's been getting me down.
Apologies for the long post, I haven't spoken to anyone about this yet and I find this easier
Somebody mentioned getting paranoid about small things - she's been with a couple of guys before who I know. I can't stop thinking about her with them and then I think she could be with another bloke right now and I'd have no idea. It's ridiculous, I love her to bits and I trust her but these things are always at the back of my mind, and I don't know why but today in particular it's been getting me down.
Apologies for the long post, I haven't spoken to anyone about this yet and I find this easier
Reply 41
15
My boyfriend is still in college and I've just started university. It's been about 4 weeks so far and we're doing okay. He stayed the first weekend, I went back the next weekend, then went back again 2 weeks later. I'll see him next weekend, then the week after he's coming up here. I've missed him a lot but I trust him loads and we're still very much happy together. We've been together just over 8 months. I've not once even slightly regretted it or wanted to be single.
Reply 42
Keep your chin up petrolhead, it sounds as if you really do love her 
As long as she loves you as much and you see each other and talk as regularly as possible, I don't see any reason why she would be unfaithful or for your relationship not to survive
As long as she loves you as much and you see each other and talk as regularly as possible, I don't see any reason why she would be unfaithful or for your relationship not to survive Reply 43
same (: just try and focus on other things, and getting through the days you dont see her or find it really hard.
ironic me giving advice really, cus im finding it really tough & keep getting upset ):
its just hard to hear about all these mad nights out and new amazing people etc!
im just worried cus me and my boyfriend keep having a few arguements over it all & it makes it worse.
mmm. anyone got more happy stories :P
ironic me giving advice really, cus im finding it really tough & keep getting upset ):
its just hard to hear about all these mad nights out and new amazing people etc!
im just worried cus me and my boyfriend keep having a few arguements over it all & it makes it worse.
mmm. anyone got more happy stories :P
Reply 44
shellfish
same (: just try and focus on other things, and getting through the days you dont see her or find it really hard.
ironic me giving advice really, cus im finding it really tough & keep getting upset ):
its just hard to hear about all these mad nights out and new amazing people etc!
im just worried cus me and my boyfriend keep having a few arguements over it all & it makes it worse.
mmm. anyone got more happy stories :P
ironic me giving advice really, cus im finding it really tough & keep getting upset ):
its just hard to hear about all these mad nights out and new amazing people etc!
im just worried cus me and my boyfriend keep having a few arguements over it all & it makes it worse.
mmm. anyone got more happy stories :P
I feel exactly the same (about the bit in red)! Luckily for me my gf isn't at uni yet and doesn't like clubbing, doesn't drink and hardly goes out. But she wants to meet all new people and stuff and it really worries me, but then again I think I have very strong insecurity and jealousy problems 8-) I'm thinking I should see a psych about it actually...bit off topic there lol.
Reply 45
Georgiahoneybee
My boyfriend has just finished his first year at uni, and I'm really happy that we made it.
I agree with Hispanic in that in some ways I think its harder when one person is left behind, especially at the beginning when my boyfriend was creating a whole new life for himself, I was stuck at home with the same old people and the same old routine, obviously really wanting him to be happy, but feeling quite down.
Strangely enough me and my boyfriend had only been together a little under 2 months before he left, we met through a friend and I suppose I just assumed it was a summer fling, and I didn't want to "hold him back" if you like, but he was so keen to give it a go, and so was I. Obviously its really difficult for couples who have been together for a long time, but being in that "honeymoon" stage of the relationship meant I really did miss him.
Also, like Hispanic, all my boyfriend's close friends, the ones he's going to live with, were in a relationship at the start of uni, but have now all broken up- one couple had been together for over 3 years!
So really I think it depends on the couple, not only how much you want it to work obviously, but how university changes you as people. Its almost inevitable you're going to change, but as long as your relationship changes and grows too, I definitely think its possible!
I agree with Hispanic in that in some ways I think its harder when one person is left behind, especially at the beginning when my boyfriend was creating a whole new life for himself, I was stuck at home with the same old people and the same old routine, obviously really wanting him to be happy, but feeling quite down.
Strangely enough me and my boyfriend had only been together a little under 2 months before he left, we met through a friend and I suppose I just assumed it was a summer fling, and I didn't want to "hold him back" if you like, but he was so keen to give it a go, and so was I. Obviously its really difficult for couples who have been together for a long time, but being in that "honeymoon" stage of the relationship meant I really did miss him.
Also, like Hispanic, all my boyfriend's close friends, the ones he's going to live with, were in a relationship at the start of uni, but have now all broken up- one couple had been together for over 3 years!
So really I think it depends on the couple, not only how much you want it to work obviously, but how university changes you as people. Its almost inevitable you're going to change, but as long as your relationship changes and grows too, I definitely think its possible!
thats really inspired me when i read this. We meet in the summer time and i was hoping it was not a fling. And we decided to stay in touch and see each other in the christmas holidays
sound like the situation i am in right now.
How often did you too stay in touch? everyday? twice a week? by email? texting? calling?
Reply 46
shellfish
so, anyone who's trying/tried it...hows the first few weeks been for you?
mine have been alright (: seen him a few times, but its still really hard with him going out alot on barcrawls etc ):
mine have been alright (: seen him a few times, but its still really hard with him going out alot on barcrawls etc ):
well i rang him once (just over a week in uni)because i have been busy settling in etc At the end of the convo he said he was glad i called and that he thinks i do not stay in touch much
Emailed him a extremely long email talking about what ive been up to etc but havent had a reply yet
i emailed him yesterday
been in uni for just over 2 weeks now
he keeps having no credit so he doesnt reply to my text so i have stop texting him. I miss him everyday and i love him. im in nottingham and he is in kent so it is quite a long way away. meet him in the summer holidays.
am i a good girlfriend? should i stay in contact more? need advice? i really want to keep this relationship!
Reply 47
im resitting my A levels this yr and my gf is at Uni in her 1st year.
she's only at Liverpool John Moores Uni and i live in Manchester so it aint THAT far away from each other but it seems like a million miles, we been together 20month 2day and i see her every weekend and i will be going to stay with her in half terms hopefully, her year finishes in March n im hopefully goin JMU next yr so we can definately make it work!!! all those people who are in my position or a similar 1 keep ya head up and just keep busy when u aint with them and speak 2 each other as much as you can, thats what we do, i get free calls to Orange fones after 7 at nyt so just fone here pretty much every evenin and just txt n email her loads. let the other 1 kno hw much they mean 2 u as much as poss, thats what i do, i love her with all my heart n wud b destroyed if i ever lost her so am determined not to ever lose her.
she's only at Liverpool John Moores Uni and i live in Manchester so it aint THAT far away from each other but it seems like a million miles, we been together 20month 2day and i see her every weekend and i will be going to stay with her in half terms hopefully, her year finishes in March n im hopefully goin JMU next yr so we can definately make it work!!! all those people who are in my position or a similar 1 keep ya head up and just keep busy when u aint with them and speak 2 each other as much as you can, thats what we do, i get free calls to Orange fones after 7 at nyt so just fone here pretty much every evenin and just txt n email her loads. let the other 1 kno hw much they mean 2 u as much as poss, thats what i do, i love her with all my heart n wud b destroyed if i ever lost her so am determined not to ever lose her.
Reply 48
Anonymous
well i rang him once (just over a week in uni)because i have been busy settling in etc At the end of the convo he said he was glad i called and that he thinks i do not stay in touch much
Emailed him a extremely long email talking about what ive been up to etc but havent had a reply yet
i emailed him yesterday
been in uni for just over 2 weeks now
he keeps having no credit so he doesnt reply to my text so i have stop texting him. I miss him everyday and i love him. im in nottingham and he is in kent so it is quite a long way away. meet him in the summer holidays.
am i a good girlfriend? should i stay in contact more? need advice? i really want to keep this relationship!
Emailed him a extremely long email talking about what ive been up to etc but havent had a reply yet
i emailed him yesterday
been in uni for just over 2 weeks now
he keeps having no credit so he doesnt reply to my text so i have stop texting him. I miss him everyday and i love him. im in nottingham and he is in kent so it is quite a long way away. meet him in the summer holidays.
am i a good girlfriend? should i stay in contact more? need advice? i really want to keep this relationship!
I think it sounds like HE needs to make more effort, as you're the one doing all the chasing. You say he 'keeps' having no credit- that sounds a little odd to me as when most people run out they just buy some more...
He should ring/email you on occasion as you have no hope of it working unless it's a two-way thing.
Reply 49
Majority break up, better off with someone at uni
Reply 50
Helenia
Yes, but the sad fact is most 18 year olds turn out not to have the commitment or to "really love each other" enough for these things to work. Where it does work, it's the exception, rather than the rule.
And I was 16 when my bf started uni
I must seem so boring! I was never even tempted to stray!Reply 51
20
Meep!
And I was 16 when my bf started uni I must seem so boring! I was never even tempted to stray!
I must seem so boring! I was never even tempted to stray!It's not just about one half cheating on the other - not all relationships break down because of fidelity. Lots of them it's because they grow apart, or the strain of the distance is too much, or they just find they like their new life more. It happens to most people.
Reply 52
18
Though we've always been in a LDR, I've been finding the last few weeks (since we both started), quite hard. We've both started straight-up with really high workloads; and though I successfully gave her a wonderful surprise visit in Cambridge last weekend for her birthday (and it was a wonderful weekend ), I'm feeling that we're not seeing each other nearly as much as we can or ought - there's still another 4 weeks before she comes to visit, and I feel I wish it could be at least double that frequency (it looks like it will stay about once a month 
). That, and though I *say* that I'm always really supportive of the societies that she wants to choose and things she wants to do (and to most extents am), I remain quite miffed that she's rowing every Sunday afternoon -.-.
She also seems to have discovered some of the various joys of university (alcohol), and though I've got nothing against drinking (though I don't much at all), it's just really weird to compare to the person that she was say, three or four weeks ago. I guess, university changes people, which puts strain on relationships; and I'd say is (for me) making this one of the hardest sustained parts of our relationship in the past 3 years.
We love each other though, so it'll all work out
.
(Erm, that seems kinda ranty, sorry, I'm just drafting an email now, and need a vent)
), I'm feeling that we're not seeing each other nearly as much as we can or ought - there's still another 4 weeks before she comes to visit, and I feel I wish it could be at least double that frequency (it looks like it will stay about once a month ). That, and though I *say* that I'm always really supportive of the societies that she wants to choose and things she wants to do (and to most extents am), I remain quite miffed that she's rowing every Sunday afternoon -.-.She also seems to have discovered some of the various joys of university (alcohol), and though I've got nothing against drinking (though I don't much at all), it's just really weird to compare to the person that she was say, three or four weeks ago. I guess, university changes people, which puts strain on relationships; and I'd say is (for me) making this one of the hardest sustained parts of our relationship in the past 3 years.
We love each other though, so it'll all work out
. (Erm, that seems kinda ranty, sorry, I'm just drafting an email now, and need a vent
)Reply 53
Well I'm now doing the long distance with my bf - Essex to Portsmouth, which is about 3 1/2 hours by train and costs around £40 return ticket, which is doable. It was our 6 month anniversary last week, and I'm going down there on Thursday which I was getting excited about until he came here on Friday because his granddad was in hospital, his mum didn't want him at home, so he came here, and on his way up his granddad died. We spent a lot of time together, and he went home yesterday. It was strange seeing him again at first, but after introducing him to all 13 off my flatmates (!) it was great seeing him in my "new" life because I'd been scared it might have been weird. The fact that he turned to me this weekend made me realise that this is something more than I'd thought - obviously I've done the wondering about marriage thing, but this weekend made it seem like more of a possibility. The only advice I can offer is if you don't try, then you'll never know what could of happened. Get a webcam, use Skype, go on contract - never put yourself in the position where you can't talk them because that makes it harder. It's weird when you see them for the first time, but everything gets straight back to normal again. We were sat at the station waiting for his train and I said "we're going to be spending a lot of time here aren't we?" and he said "yes, but we'll make it work". I know that at the moment it's only our 3rd week of uni, and there's another 3 years for him, 4 or 5 for me, but I'm taking it as it comes. So far neither of us has felt tempted to stray, and hopefully won't but you never know. One thing that helped me last night after seeing him off was coming back to my flat, getting a cuppa and a couple of hugs, then going out for a bit. The only other thing I'll say is don't expect much sleep because single beds are not designed for two people!!
Wow, that's a ramble, but hey. Feel free to PM if you want, and I'll try to help.
Katherine
Wow, that's a ramble, but hey. Feel free to PM if you want, and I'll try to help.
Katherine
Reply 54
hbandtr4eva
Well I'm now doing the long distance with my bf - Essex to Portsmouth, which is about 3 1/2 hours by train and costs around £40 return ticket, which is doable.
I envy you, if I'm very lucky I can get a cheap return flight for £40 (silly how 517mile flight can cost as little as a train journey!) but usually it's nearer the 100quid mark...luckily I don't drink or go clubbing so had a lot of spare money at uni!
hbandtr4eva
We were sat at the station waiting for his train and I said "we're going to be spending a lot of time here aren't we?" and he said "yes, but we'll make it work".
Katherine
Katherine
I definitely know that, just with Manchester and Hannover airports!
For the people saying how long it is until you can next meet (once a month or so) try not to see it so bad, it could always be worse, like I said I'm doing between 8 and 12 weeks sometimes, once a month sounds like heaven to me!
Reply 55
my LDR has just finished ):
i didn't think it was too hard, but he ended up getting kissed by someone else on a night out.
we decided to end it cus we've been rocky for awhile now anyway.
i dont know if we should still be mates or not from a distance.
i didn't think it was too hard, but he ended up getting kissed by someone else on a night out.
we decided to end it cus we've been rocky for awhile now anyway.
i dont know if we should still be mates or not from a distance.
Reply 56
shellfish
my LDR has just finished ):
i didn't think it was too hard, but he ended up getting kissed by someone else on a night out.
we decided to end it cus we've been rocky for awhile now anyway.
i dont know if we should still be mates or not from a distance.
i didn't think it was too hard, but he ended up getting kissed by someone else on a night out.
we decided to end it cus we've been rocky for awhile now anyway.
i dont know if we should still be mates or not from a distance.
It's quite hard to stay mates especially after he kissed another girl.
Reply 57
LDR definitely works.
I wouldn't be happy with someone at the same uni as me - i think i'd find it difficult to separate work & social time as i like to spend as much time as possible with my boyfriend - i'd never get any work done if he was at loughborough with me.
My boyfriend is currently having a gap year to earn some money, he'll be in his first year when i'll be starting my final year and i figure it's going to be tough as hell for me but i'll know how he's feeling then!
My LDR got me through my very tough year and as weird as it sounds, i wouldn't have got through it if i hadnt had him at home telling me everything will be ok!
I wouldn't be happy with someone at the same uni as me - i think i'd find it difficult to separate work & social time as i like to spend as much time as possible with my boyfriend - i'd never get any work done if he was at loughborough with me.
My boyfriend is currently having a gap year to earn some money, he'll be in his first year when i'll be starting my final year and i figure it's going to be tough as hell for me but i'll know how he's feeling then!
My LDR got me through my very tough year and as weird as it sounds, i wouldn't have got through it if i hadnt had him at home telling me everything will be ok!
Reply 58
University is quite a lonely place, and having my long-distance boyfriend up to visit this weekend only highlighted that fact.
Reply 59
well im at uni and my bf works and we are coping he doesnt live that far away from me only about an hour and a half but its still going well as long as both parts make an effort then it can work xxx
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