University and relationships

That is the stupidest most immature thing to do. You obviously found exactly what you wanted to. If you don't trust each other, you don't have anything.

If you can't trust your boyfriend then why you with him, you are only driving him away but not trusting him. He's with you because he wants you, think you need to realise this.

He is perfectly allowed to have friends outside the relationship, think you need some help with your trust issues otherwise you will never hang on to a guy.

Not sure if this has already been brought up, but i'm with someone and looking to go to Uni next year which will open that space between us. It will be sad, but what happens if theres people there that you might like and get with?

Anybody been through this?

Yeah that's happened a lot on here, when people go to Uni they automatically think the grass is greener on the otherside. I mean the way I see it if you are going to do that it does beg the question what did the person you was with mean to you afterall?

At the same time if you were going to do that then course there is no point staying with that person if you are going to Uni to pursue other people.

I'm not saying that i'm going to find new people, i've been with my gf for around 15months - so she means a lot to me.

I was just wondering as it could happen.

I'm not saying that i'm going to find new people, i've been with my gf for around 15months - so she means a lot to me.

I was just wondering as it could happen.

Majority break up, better off with someone at uni

Proud member of the "Been there, done that" club in this instance.

So a summary:

(1:1 - Refers to Year 1, Term 1)

First week is quite easy, especially if your fresher weeks happen at the same time. You're both busy so don't really get time to worry as such. Ours didn't so whilst she was there, I was at home like a wreck. As soon as I met her friends I was okay again.

My first week was easy, she went through the struggle this time. Not knowing who I'm with, where I am and so on.

The remainder of the term is a bit ****ty (IMHO) it's hard coming and going, arriving on Friday night at 11pm, leaving on Sunday afternoon. Your partner starts to change: new views, new accent (!!), new friends and new coping strategies, some of which can really hurt you: ignoring you, being horrible, miserable when your there etc.

Christmas time is nice, first time you spend a lot of time together and it's at this point I think you should evaluate if you both want to stick this out.

1:2 & 1:3

These terms were a breeze, I met some good friends so didn't feel so alone. Had some depressed spells but coped. I found these easier because you have easter and summer to look forward to. At this point somebody called X will come on the scene. You'll have to decide if they're a threat or a really good friend who your partner uses as a social replacement, i.e. somebody they can confide in. Another thing that could happen is that your partners friends could start sprouting ******* about University being about having fun, meeting new people, meeting friends for life and having a partner holds you back. Myself and girlfriend almost split up at this point. She started ignoring me, missing arranged phone calls, cancelling visits and so on.

Summer is awesome and it's a great feeling to see University couples struggle. Especially because all other couples make you sick during term time. Mainly because you're totally bitter!

2:1 - 2:3
I can't really give a good account of this, I was mega busy, she was mega busy. We both had loads of work and exams. The only thing that sticks out is that my girlfriend decided to spend a lot of time at University over the holidays because I was working and she could get more support for exams. We expanded circle of friends and started being more free. Less contact but more organisation.

3:1 - 3:2
Stressy, lots of nasty things get said but you both know you're at the end. At this time you're pro at not seeing each other. Web cams became more useful at this point. Finals are a real bitch, you become the output of stress. If anything goes wrong, it's your fault. Accept this and move on. Don't get hung up and your partner bitching on.

3:3
Finally the end is near. This term flew for me, dragged for the girlfriend. Don't know why.

The end, and they both lived happily ever after and then I decide I want to a P.hD.

Try to be understanding, be clear on what you want. If you don't plan on marrying this person, get rid of them. I know it's harsh but there is no point going though the pain for the occasional visits during University. Having a partner at University makes you different to if you didn't. Some people are cut out for it. I would never cheat on my girlfriend and I'm pretty hopeful that she would reciprocate this. LDR works for me because I like time for myself, I like having the freedom to do what I want, when I want. We can also be totally wrapped up in each others worlds when we want it that way. I do know people who just mess around at University and try to have the best of both worlds. Make sure you go and visit your partner at there place. If they insist that they come to you EVERY TIME, chances are they're cheating on you or have something to hide.

Communication wise we spoke every night or arranged a time to speak if we couldn't i.e. me out Monday, her Tuesday, speak Wednesday. This is easier when you're seeing each other on the weekend. I do know a couple who only speak on Saturday and just text all week. They also made it through! Get things like Skype. Web cams could also be useful, but we barely used ours.

Err yeah, I'm pretty **** at getting thoughts like this out. If you have any Q's just pm or ask here...

HTH.

edit:

My parents were married with kids and spent six months apart due to work! I was at an open day and somebodies mum was telling her daughter how herself and father did three years apart at University and just wrote letters and saw each other at mid-term. These were things I could believe in and helped me realise that I could do it.

We've been together since we were 17 in school together - through uni (Bristol and Kent) - and out the other side.

He's my best friend and we trust each other with everything. He's back for his final year now as he took a year in industry, I'm moving permanently to Kent with my family and he'll join me afterwards.

We managed by texting every day, facetime/calling every Tuesday and Saturday for hours and of course seeing each other through the holidays. While at uni we alternated visiting each other every month or so when possible, except for when I was writing my dissertation. Although the distance is hard, you've really got to keep the physical side of the relationship going. I don't just mean sex, I mean waking up next to him and holding his hand through town, going for meals, telling him his feet stink, stealing his clothes etc.


We're now engaged.