Just a month earlier I logged on to a random chatting platform and met this guy who I never thought would fall in love with. At the start he asked me where I was from I just said UK even though I was Asian, was living in Asia (but had part of my childhood in the UK). He was pretty hostile to me at the start when we began chatting and was asking me like very philosophical questions I kinda got annoyed but slowly I realised that we had many things in common (We're both scorpios and very soulful).
He kept asking for my photo and I was unrelenting and told him that I would want us to connect with our hearts not through faces. The other reason was that if I showed him me it would have known that I wasn't British so I got my friend's photo (blonde) and sent it to him. He had a great response and we started warming up and stuff. Over the next few days we texted very frequently and I realised that I was falling for him. Because he wasn't a just a typical nice guy. He really went into my soul and our worldviews were just so similar. He even showed poems he had written and I did as well. And his writing style was so reflective, something that I admire very much. We would often chat while he's at work and he has a very attractive sort of dry British humour. He was also able to engage with my sense of humour too.Then he kept asking for my number so obviously I wasn't living in the UK and only had a local number so I refused to give him my number and said that I just wasn't ready to talk to me because I still have a problematic boyfriend. This is partly true cos since I left the UK after living through secondary school for a while, my relationship with my boyfriend has been on-off but then again my boyfriend is in the UK and I'm back in Asia so I wouldn't really count him as a legitimate boyfriend.As we talked more and more I realised that I had fell for him and it was a feeling, an attraction so strong that I've never encountered. Even my crushes at school hadn't made my heart flutter so much. And tbh he was like 12 years older than me (I'm 18) and so I really fell for his person and not his looks as would be the case for my usual crushes at school. So as we texted more and more frequently he kept asking to meet up as he lived just an hour away from the UK location that I told him. I grew colder to him because I really wasn't sure how to proceed to the next stage and he interpreted my coldness as not giving him a chance and he said that I still loved my boyfriend more than him. He then wanted me to talk to him and kept pressuring me to give him my number. I could have talked to him and I myself having lived in the UK for a while possess a slight British accent but if I talked to him he would know that I weren't English.The breakup point came when he went to his friend's house and had beer and I grew cold to him because I was slightly jealous that I couldn't talk to him while he was at his friends'. He then misinterpreted it again as me and my boyfriend having issues and told me he wanted to talk to me. I rejected strongly and I think under alcoholic influence he grew really mad and concluded that I never loved him and started to suspect me. He took a picture of himself crying and told me to send one. We used Kik so when you sent pictures it had the Camera or Gallery function. The Camera function meant that the photo was taken live so he told me to send him a live photo. Obviously I couldn't. He then began asking me if I know what's Catfish which I didn't know at that time and he told me it was a TV show about people hiding their identities online.I felt so beaten up and bad for hurting him that after some hurtful deliberation, I confessed to him. I sent photos of me and where I was living and he told me that he was very hurt that I cheated about my identity but said that it was good things came to a conclusion. I told him that I'll be visiting the UK the end of the year and for him to give me a chance to meetup with him to apologise to him. He said I don't want to see you so please don't come. I tried to ask if I could mail him a package or something to his workplace and he said if I did he would be very angry. His slew of words after my confession hurt me a lot. I cried and was never so hurt in my life, not even as hurt as when my family/close friends did something wrong to me. He then sent a picture of himself crying again and I did as well. He told me I was beautiful but that he wouldn't want to continue a relationship with me because it is all too hurtful for him. I understand that what I did was wrong. But over the course before I confessed to him I wasn't me, he told me he would wait for me for 7 months to meet him and made me believe that he actually fell in love for my person, and not my face. However his slew of curt statements of him being hurt by my deceitfulness made me rethink if he really loved me or that my damage to him was so irreparable. Don't get me wrong I'm not an obese and anti-social person seeking for some online love, I was just a little reticent and introspective person having had so many things kept up from my childhood (as an Asian transitioning between dual identities UK, Asia).So I was wondering did he not forgive me because of the hurt that I've done or simply because I'm of a different race and thus a different ideal that a British guy would want? He said that we could remain friends but it has been a month (I've been observing the No Contact Rule) but we haven't talked ever since our breakup. He even told me to stop waking up at 2am just to talk to him (we have a 8 hours' time difference and over the course in order to talk to him I've been waking up in the wee hours) because it will not change any aspect of our relationship from now on. But I know that he's there because he just changed his profile pic. I really want to talk to him but I fear that he will leave my message 'R' (read) and just ignore me. And I really do want to continue my relationship with him because I'll be moving back to the UK for my university studies and possibly live and work there so damn I miss him so much. I've read about stories on people catfishing and even if the catfisher turned out to be unattractive (which I can safely say I'm not) the opposite party still talked to them after a few days or so and remained friends.Could anyone please tell me how he is probably feeling after all these? Should I text him? What are the steps that I should undertake from now? Thank you so much. I do love him, I want to do whatever it takes to mend our relationship. And even though I faked my identity, my feelings for him were all true.
I catfished, he found out and 'broke up' with me. What do I do? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 28-06-2016 10:38
- 28-06-2016 10:47
Sorry.. Can you do a TLDR;?
- 28-06-2016 10:52
You lied to him and he's gonna be betrayed. It doesn't always (usually) work out as "i'll come running back because i still love you etc etc." once you betray someone that bad they're gonna leave and hopefully have the willpower to not go crawling back.
Both of you need to move on.
- 28-06-2016 11:01
- 28-06-2016 11:04
As you did catfish him he will be very reluctant about trusting you again as everything that your relationship was built on was a lie