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My ex is threatening to send pictures of my self harm to my friends and family watch

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    I was in an abusive relationship with my ex, she was pretty emotionally abusive and she made me hate myself a lot and even went as far as to cheat on me and torment me with it, one day sooner or later I started cutting. This was the lowest point of my life and I don't ever want to go back.

    Eventually my ex and I got into a heated fight over text message and I sent her pictures of the cuts, she said she felt horrible for everything and wanted to make everything right, as friends, which I was okay with.. but I didn't realise it was a huge mistake.

    She's trying to control me, where i go and who I speak to and if i ever talk back or doing something that pisses her off, she uses my pictures that i sent her of my cuts as a threat, she says she'll send it to my mother and my friends to humiliate me. My mother is already dealing with a lot, she lost my Dad 5 years ago, she's recently divorced and my sister already has a lot of mental health issues. If she found out about my self harm which I deeply regret and never doing again, I don't know what she'll do or how she'll cope.

    I'm terrified and I seriously don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice please let me know. I would appreciate it so much.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was in an abusive relationship with my ex, she was pretty emotionally abusive and she made me hate myself a lot and even went as far as to cheat on me and torment me with it, one day sooner or later I started cutting. This was the lowest point of my life and I don't ever want to go back.

    Eventually my ex and I got into a heated fight over text message and I sent her pictures of the cuts, she said she felt horrible for everything and wanted to make everything right, as friends, which I was okay with.. but I didn't realise it was a huge mistake.

    She's trying to control me, where i go and who I speak to and if i ever talk back or doing something that pisses her off, she uses my pictures that i sent her of my cuts as a threat, she says she'll send it to my mother and my friends to humiliate me. My mother is already dealing with a lot, she lost my Dad 5 years ago, she's recently divorced and my sister already has a lot of mental health issues. If she found out about my self harm which I deeply regret and never doing again, I don't know what she'll do or how she'll cope.

    I'm terrified and I seriously don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice please let me know. I would appreciate it so much.
    Try speaking to her in a calm manner and explain to her that what she's doing is wrong

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    What a horrific *****. Glad she's your ex, you're well out of that.

    Practically speaking, can anyone tell it's you in the pictures? If not, just deny everything.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was in an abusive relationship with my ex, she was pretty emotionally abusive and she made me hate myself a lot and even went as far as to cheat on me and torment me with it, one day sooner or later I started cutting. This was the lowest point of my life and I don't ever want to go back.

    Eventually my ex and I got into a heated fight over text message and I sent her pictures of the cuts, she said she felt horrible for everything and wanted to make everything right, as friends, which I was okay with.. but I didn't realise it was a huge mistake.

    She's trying to control me, where i go and who I speak to and if i ever talk back or doing something that pisses her off, she uses my pictures that i sent her of my cuts as a threat, she says she'll send it to my mother and my friends to humiliate me. My mother is already dealing with a lot, she lost my Dad 5 years ago, she's recently divorced and my sister already has a lot of mental health issues. If she found out about my self harm which I deeply regret and never doing again, I don't know what she'll do or how she'll cope.

    I'm terrified and I seriously don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice please let me know. I would appreciate it so much.
    Its ok first try to talk to anyone you feel comfortable around such as your friends or family remember your mother wont judge or be angry at you if you self harm infact she will understand you as she is your mum. Also dont worry even if people do find out about those self harm pictures it doesnt matter i know my friend who used to self harm but he managed to overcome it and moved on with his life.

    if you cannot talk to your mother or sister about this probelm then you can always call the police and they can deal with your problem thats why they are there.

    just dont worry remember everything will be fine as long as you are calm and happy then no one can hurt you emotionally, just try to avoid her or juts tell her to f*ck off even if she does show people your self harm photos it really doesnt matter because no one will care.

    hoped this helped be strong
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    Quite a common story, sadly very few people believe that women are anything but harmful, so bad luck there. Controlling relationships are often at the hands of women, and that's just life and it's getting worse, but the best thing you can do is confront her.

    Sadly, you can't do to much as if she claims you've been controlling, even without evidence, you are *****
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    Firstly think about getting police involved an secondly get to student councillor as any form of abuse be it mental or other needs to be dealt with an the abuser face legal punishment.
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    What a horrible *****. The world would be a better place without her.

    Defo consider getting the police involved. And tell someone at your school about it. Otherwise she'll get worse.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was in an abusive relationship with my ex, she was pretty emotionally abusive and she made me hate myself a lot and even went as far as to cheat on me and torment me with it, one day sooner or later I started cutting. This was the lowest point of my life and I don't ever want to go back.

    Eventually my ex and I got into a heated fight over text message and I sent her pictures of the cuts, she said she felt horrible for everything and wanted to make everything right, as friends, which I was okay with.. but I didn't realise it was a huge mistake.

    She's trying to control me, where i go and who I speak to and if i ever talk back or doing something that pisses her off, she uses my pictures that i sent her of my cuts as a threat, she says she'll send it to my mother and my friends to humiliate me. My mother is already dealing with a lot, she lost my Dad 5 years ago, she's recently divorced and my sister already has a lot of mental health issues. If she found out about my self harm which I deeply regret and never doing again, I don't know what she'll do or how she'll cope.

    I'm terrified and I seriously don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice please let me know. I would appreciate it so much.
    She is blackmailing you. Blackmail is a serious criminal offence and if you went to the police she would almost certainly end up with a criminal conviction and a possible custodial sentence. This conviction would be viewable to employers.

    Here is some information about blackmailing under English law: http://www.inbrief.co.uk/offences/blackmail/

    I suggest you tell her this with quiet confidence and make clear that if she threatens you again you will take copies of the messages to the police.

    You do have copies of the messages presumably?
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    If you have written evidence then definitely tell the police. Once she's done for blackmail her entire career will be ****ed up pretty quickly
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    If it comes to the worst and you see her releasing the pics imminently, consider getting out in front of the "story" by telling your friends and mother about this first. Seeing that a close friend is self-harming is shocking, particularly if you learn about it from a random person through a particularly graphic medium (pictures).

    Those who are genuinely close to you will understand and hopefully empathise - those who are dickish enough to make fun or you or judge you based on it aren't worth spending time with.
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    You know there are only 2 ways of dealing with blackmailers. Go to the police or laugh in her face and tell her ' publish and be damned'. They all know already.

    Anything else and she won't stop. You have to call her bluff as with anyone who is trying to bully you. You will be amazed how free and powerful you will feel. She will never do it to you again.
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    Reverse psychology, don't let her know that it worries you.
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    Mate have you got any of her nudes? Srs btw
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    Reverse psychology, don't let her know that it worries you.
    And also this^ if you tell her you couldn't give a **** then it's a bit awkward really because her leverage is gone
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    she made me hate myself a lot
    You mean you responded to her behaviour by hating yourself. Take ownership

    she uses my pictures that i sent her of my cuts as a threat, she says she'll send it to my mother and my friends to humiliate me
    If there is an intent to cause distress then she may very well be breaking the law. Tell her this, in writing, and keep a record of her response. If she doesn't agree to delete the material then you may have to involve a 3rd party. Don't let this ***** bring you down son

    If she found out about my self harm which I deeply regret and never doing again
    If anyone finds out then you need only tell them this e.g. that it was just a phase and you're over it. You should consider speaking to someone, btw
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    Sounds horrible man. She exploited your weakness. What you need to do is you need to start winning, winning big. Be a winner. Once it is clearly socially established that you are greater than her, once it is you > her, then you'll not be tempted to self-harm and will most likely be with someone better than her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was in an abusive relationship with my ex, she was pretty emotionally abusive and she made me hate myself a lot and even went as far as to cheat on me and torment me with it, one day sooner or later I started cutting. This was the lowest point of my life and I don't ever want to go back.

    Eventually my ex and I got into a heated fight over text message and I sent her pictures of the cuts, she said she felt horrible for everything and wanted to make everything right, as friends, which I was okay with.. but I didn't realise it was a huge mistake.

    She's trying to control me, where i go and who I speak to and if i ever talk back or doing something that pisses her off, she uses my pictures that i sent her of my cuts as a threat, she says she'll send it to my mother and my friends to humiliate me. My mother is already dealing with a lot, she lost my Dad 5 years ago, she's recently divorced and my sister already has a lot of mental health issues. If she found out about my self harm which I deeply regret and never doing again, I don't know what she'll do or how she'll cope.

    I'm terrified and I seriously don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice please let me know. I would appreciate it so much.

    Was it 100% seen that it was YOUR hand in the picture? In case she sends the images, you could tell your family that is was not your image, and your girlfriend faked it. The best thing would be to end the relationship, as it won't make you happy, but it will just make you feel worse in the future. Keep in mind that cutting yourself wont make your life better or happier so you must learn to respect and love yourself. No one would be worth this kind of girlfriend. She knows that it hurts you when she threatens to send the images, which means that she doesn't love you and doesn't want any good for you.
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    I think the best thing to do is to sit your family down and explain everything that you were going through and why you did it back then. Make it clear that you don't do it anymore and deeply regret it.

    In the long run, it is better for your family to hear it from you rather than her. This will also be beneficial to you as your ex won't be able to torment you anymore as you'll be showing her that you are now in control of the relationship.

    I know you may think it can hurt your family a lot but it will hurt them even more by hearing it from someone else
 
 
 
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