'Stuck' in a relationship

When I've had the opportunity to leave the relationship on peaceful terms, she tends to get quite angry (having had mental health issues in the past, from even before I met her that I've supported her through).About 3 months ago, there was a situation wherein I'd had a drink and did something completely out of my character that i'll probably regret for the rest of my life. I won't go into details, but my girlfriend was there and i'm surprised she's still with me following it.Now every time I come close to exiting the relationship, she brings up this 'secret' and says how she'll tell my family and everyone will know about it, pretty much wrecking my life. That results in a u-turn, and while I still love her in a way, I feel like I've made a wrong decision.I understand I've done plenty wrong and these are my own mistakes, but it's incredibly difficult to deal with, and I don't want to be stuck here forever. Any advice would be appreciated, so, so much.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 1

maggie43

Original post by JakeHorsey

Alright, I'm posting here because I very rarely do so, so what i'm saying shouldn't be noticed.

I haven't been feeling the strong feelings I once did towards my girlfriend of 6 months, and the arguments over time, I think, have contributed to that. I no longer feel an urge to see her as much, or feel as if she's the only one who's ever right for me.

However, when I've had the opportunity to leave the relationship on peaceful terms, she tends to get quite angry (having had mental health issues in the past, from even before I met her that I've supported her through).

About 3 months ago, there was a situation wherein I'd had a drink and did something completely out of my character that i'll probably regret for the rest of my life. I won't go into details, but my girlfriend was there and i'm surprised she's still with me following it.

Now every time I come close to exiting the relationship, she brings up this 'secret' and says how she'll tell my family and everyone will know about it, pretty much wrecking my life. That results in a u-turn, and while I still love her in a way, I feel like I've made a wrong decision.

I understand I've done plenty wrong and these are my own mistakes, but it's incredibly difficult to deal with, and I don't want to be stuck here forever. Any advice would be appreciated, so, so much.

Well honey she's blackmailing you. You might have to hang in there for sometime..

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Reply 2

Vav Sartrean Po

Tell your parents first about your "secret", and they should accept you (or they're not being the best of parents). As a result, she will be weaponless, and you should be allowed to walk free!

Reply 3

Esoteric-

Original post by JakeHorsey

I'm guessing your secret is you did some gay sh*t right? or maybe committed some sort of crime?

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tell us the secret

Just tell us your secret; it's TSR.

Reply 6

JakeHorsey

Original post by RamocitoMorales

Just tell us your secret; it's TSR.

Never, funny thing is that to this day, I cannot recall the thought process toward what I did. Nothing is there.

Reply 7

ckfeister

Original post by JakeHorsey

End it, let them know then there will be no problem, we're all human.

Reply 8

Jammie_x

Okay I'm going to comment on from her perspective because her behaviour is a behaviour I have had in the past. When my grandma died, my life turned to the worse. I won't go into details of why it affected me so much but these contributed towards mental health issues and this guy who I was sort of seeing/liked/ was friends with at the time sort of got the blunt of all my bad behaviour... I really liked him and at the same time, I needed that comfort. I don't know your girlfriend but what I'm trying to say is that the blackmailing is probably because she doesn't want to be alone, it's unbearable for yet another person to leave her life? I did the same, blackmailed this guy...

In all fairness though, he did need to be honest and in the end he was... Despite all the bad things I done, I can never forgive him for lying to my face multiple times when I asked for the truth... I'm the sort of person whom even if I don't wanna hear it, I appreciate the honesty and he wasn't that to me. We ain't friends anymore and we don't talk and he's gone back to his ex girlfriend anyway -.-. The best thing you can do is be honest with her, even if she gets angry. If you ain't happy, get out and don't let her blackmail you. Tell your family before she does.. I do genuinely think it's a threat to make you stay. When she's seen how you acted once before, to make you stay - she keeps using it. That's all it is. A threat.

It isn't her fault that she is afraid to loose you and tbh, in this case, she is going to.. But sometimes you need to be apart form people to build your own character up and in the long run. This might help you both.

I do regret what I done, but I am only human and so is your girlfriend. Sometimes we just get too attached and afraid to loose someone which brings out a bad side to us :/... It's definitely made me realise though on what maybe I should work on as a person.. To not repeat the same mistakes again.

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(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 9

Jammie_x

I think she would genuinely appreciate the honesty in the long run.

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Reply 10

Protoxylic

Eh best to damage control and tell your parents and anybody you feel would react bad to the news so that they hear it from you first so then you can explain it in your words before she can, probably the best option if you want to leave her. Otherwise if you want to stay, I'd do the same still to get rid of blackmail, blackmail is horrible so try to get rid of it and then focus back on the relationship