Really don't want to go to uni as a virgin

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Anonymous #1
#1
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Hey,

So basically, I'm an 18 year old girl who has never really done anything with anybody before. I've made out with a female friend once, but that's only because I was extremely drunk and I don't remember it.
And it's not like I haven't dated- I dated a guy for a few weeks in year 11 and then dated another guy in year 12 for 2 weeks before I dumped him. It's not like I haven't had offers either - guys have tried to get off with me at parties, I always get a load of matches and messages on Tinder (though I think that's just the typical tinder experience, haha) and most recently a guy in my year was forward enough to come right up to me and tell me he thought I was fit, and then we proceeded to flirt outrageously over texts.
My problem is that I never let it get too far, or far enough really. Once guys start hinting at something more than just flirting/holding hands I get scared and back off. It's not that I don't want to do it, because I do - the most recent guy was somebody that I thought was really fit. I think it's more to do with the fact that I'm scared that if I let these guys get too close then they'll see that I'm actually not that attractive, or they may be repulsed by my lack of experience or my many, many flaws.

But the point is that I don't want to go to uni and still be this way, because I kind of feel like it'll hold me back. How can I get over this? Any tips?
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shawn_o1
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I went to uni a virgin,
I came out of uni a virgin (with First Class degree).
NO BIG DEAL
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loveleest
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Go lose your virginity then.
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BrianMcEgg
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"I haven't had offers"

Seriously, do you have any self-respect? I think you should've said that the opportunities haven't come up… I'm not judging you, but saying "offers" implies something I'm sure you can work out for yourself…

However, no big deal. You deep down want to lose it to someone special and are just getting hung up on the moment. No point losing it to Gary, 66 year old homeless bloke the streets of Manchester when it could be someone special…
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username1884577
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You're clearly not ready as you feel uncomfortable when confronted with the possibility of losing your virginity.

There's nothing to be ashamed of. Don't do anything you're likely to regret.
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shawn_o1
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(Original post by Withengar)
You going in as a virgin and coming out as a virgin probably had something to do with the fact you got a First Class degree.
No, what I mean is, OP going to uni just to lose her V-Card is wishful thinking. Ideally she should be spending half her time there studying and the rest for planning her career after uni.
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Lkathryn08
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There is no pressure to lose your virginity before uni. Believe me, there are people like you who will be virgins and haven't really experimented that much! So don't worry, you won't be the odd one out!
Just do what you want when you feel ready and when you've found the right person to do it with. I understand how your insecurities can make you doubt yourself but uni is the perfect chance to start a fresh and try and be more comfortable with yourself. Don't panic about it all too much! Just take it at your pace!!!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BrianMcEgg)
"I haven't had offers"

Seriously, do you have any self-respect? I think you should've said that the opportunities haven't come up… I'm not judging you, but saying "offers" implies something I'm sure you can work out for yourself…

However, no big deal. You deep down want to lose it to someone special and are just getting hung up on the moment. No point losing it to Gary, 66 year old homeless bloke the streets of Manchester when it could be someone special…
What? Is my wording of it really that important? Both pretty much mean the same thing so I don't think it matters.
Haha, I'm not running off to Gary just yet. But yeah, you may be right - that's probably why I'm backing away from everything so far. It's just frustrating because it's not exactly like anybody knows exactly when the 'right' person will come along (or if they'll ever come along?)

(Original post by Lkathryn08)
There is no pressure to lose your virginity before uni. Believe me, there are people like you who will be virgins and haven't really experimented that much! So don't worry, you won't be the odd one out!
Just do what you want when you feel ready and when you've found the right person to do it with. I understand how your insecurities can make you doubt yourself but uni is the perfect chance to start a fresh and try and be more comfortable with yourself. Don't panic about it all too much! Just take it at your pace!!!
Thank you, this was reassuring I guess part of the pressure comes from everybody around me being sexually active and the fact that I'm constantly having to lie about my experience to fit in
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Xellah
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Don't rush into it, it's not as important as it seems.. I was lucky enough to find someone who I thought was special to lose it to, we're still together 10 years on, and it's a great feeling to know that we shared that experience together!! The guys worth losing it to wouldn't mind waiting a bit longer, otherwise it'll more than likely be an empty fling, which sounds like something you don't want.
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BrianMcEgg
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What? Is my wording of it really that important? Both pretty much mean the same thing so I don't think it matters.
Haha, I'm not running off to Gary just yet. But yeah, you may be right - that's probably why I'm backing away from everything so far. It's just frustrating because it's not exactly like anybody knows exactly when the 'right' person will come along (or if they'll ever come along?)
The right person is out there, it's just your job to find them- clubbing is the best way to find that person imo. Just focus on your degree, once you stop worrying everything will slot into place. Life's too short to be hung up about that kind of issue
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❃ Stardust ❃
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If I was you I'd be more worried about sailing through uni then losing your virginity. Don't make that 9k go to waste.

Whether your a virgin or not doesn't matter, don't conform because of pressure - otherwise you will be regretting it.
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TheGreatImposter
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Why are you in such a rush to lose your virginity may I ask?
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P357
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how do you feel guys would be "repulsed by your lack of experience"?You think that's men's attitude towards (non-ugly)women's virginity? Honey you couldn't be more clueless if you tried.
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physicsphysics91
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Plenty of willing candidates on TSR. RobML
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Anonymous #2
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Tbh OP, I wouldn't think about it. I've just finished GCSEs, still a virgin, but it's not a big deal. I'm just seeing college as an opportunity to meet new people, but I'm not trying to plan anything out, instead I'm letting things just happen and become what they become. You should do the same for uni
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BrianMcEgg)
The right person is out there, it's just your job to find them- clubbing is the best way to find that person imo. Just focus on your degree, once you stop worrying everything will slot into place. Life's too short to be hung up about that kind of issue
Clubbing? That's a first, nobody's ever said clubbing is a good way to meet people before, haha. Will give it a go
Yeah, I'm just a worrybot. Exams just finished (on tuesday) so I now have nothing to stress about - hence this new worry that's sprung up

(Original post by ❃ Stardust ❃)
If I was you I'd be more worried about sailing through uni then losing your virginity. Don't make that 9k go to waste.

Whether your a virgin or not doesn't matter, don't conform because of pressure - otherwise you will be regretting it.
Yeah, that's true. Even more so for me, since I'll be doing medicine so will be at uni for 6 years. Definitely won't be wasting that 54k

Hm, yeah. But then is your first time really that much of a big deal?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TheGreatImposter)
Why are you in such a rush to lose your virginity may I ask?
I wouldn't say I'm in a rush to lose it, I just want to work through some of the self-confidence issues I have and lose it in the process. If all of that could happen before uni, that would be ideal. So it's not really a rush to lose it, I'd just prefer to have lost it by then.

(Original post by P357)
how do you feel guys would be "repulsed by your lack of experience"?You think that's men's attitude towards (non-ugly)women's virginity? Honey you couldn't be more clueless if you tried.
Bolded bit is very true, I have almost no experience as I said above :lol:

So honestly, I have no clue how a guy would react to it
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Asolare
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It doesn't matter, young people put so much pressure on themselves to lose sex when literaly 99% of wider society simple does not give a **** if you're going to university a virgin.

I will be a virgin when I go to university next year and I am several years older than you, but I simply don't care as there is a LOT more to life than just ****ing someone.

And also by rushing into losing your virginity you're just gonna lose it to someone you later regret. Many people I've met who were determined to lose their v-card at 16/17/18 have said they regretted the decision and wished they waited for the right person - you can't "undo" losing your virginity so my God please ignore the social pressure and wait for the right person.
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Platopus
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey,

So basically, I'm an 18 year old girl who has never really done anything with anybody before. I've made out with a female friend once, but that's only because I was extremely drunk and I don't remember it.
And it's not like I haven't dated- I dated a guy for a few weeks in year 11 and then dated another guy in year 12 for 2 weeks before I dumped him. It's not like I haven't had offers either - guys have tried to get off with me at parties, I always get a load of matches and messages on Tinder (though I think that's just the typical tinder experience, haha) and most recently a guy in my year was forward enough to come right up to me and tell me he thought I was fit, and then we proceeded to flirt outrageously over texts.
My problem is that I never let it get too far, or far enough really. Once guys start hinting at something more than just flirting/holding hands I get scared and back off. It's not that I don't want to do it, because I do - the most recent guy was somebody that I thought was really fit. I think it's more to do with the fact that I'm scared that if I let these guys get too close then they'll see that I'm actually not that attractive, or they may be repulsed by my lack of experience or my many, many flaws.

But the point is that I don't want to go to uni and still be this way, because I kind of feel like it'll hold me back. How can I get over this? Any tips?
I'm an 18 year old girl too. I'm a virgin and unless something very strange happens in the near future, I will be going to uni a virgin but that doesn't upset me. I've never even been on a date, so you're one ahead of me. I have friends who are also in the same situation as us, so don't feel like you will be weird.
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P357
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I wouldn't say I'm in a rush to lose it, I just want to work through some of the self-confidence issues I have and lose it in the process. If all of that could happen before uni, that would be ideal. So it's not really a rush to lose it, I'd just prefer to have lost it by then.



Bolded bit is very true, I have almost no experience as I said above :lol:

So honestly, I have no clue how a guy would react to it
I can assure you with pretty much 95% certainty that, provided you're not ugly, you won't get any sort of negativity for being a virgin. It's the other way around.
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