Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

If someone is struggling, does it give them an excuse to treat you badly? watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Say someone you are fairly close with is going through a depressive episode or something similar, does it give them an excuse to ignore you even if they know you are waiting for them, and just generally behave in an ill manner?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I guess you can excuse them, but at the end of the day if they are hurting you and they know that, it's pretty ill mannered to keep it going even though they are aware that they are hurting you. It's difficult because at what point is an action not excusable. I've had this happen to me and it's horrible, you try to reach out to help and they outright refuse and just ignore you, yet when they want to talk to me, I'm always there for them. But humanity sucks so there's that.
    • Political Ambassador
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Political Ambassador
    a little because they have so much on their mind they dont know what to deal with first
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Protoxylic)
    I guess you can excuse them, but at the end of the day if they are hurting you and they know that, it's pretty ill mannered to keep it going even though they are aware that they are hurting you. It's difficult because at what point is an action not excusable. I've had this happen to me and it's horrible, you try to reach out to help and they outright refuse and just ignore you, yet when they want to talk to me, I'm always there for them. But humanity sucks so there's that.
    Agreed. I would say that it is excusable to an extent, but not for such a long period of time. Whenever I have struggled a lot, I still make an effort to talk to those that I am conversing with and don't just ignore them for time, even though others do that to me. You can tell them that I can't talk right now or whatever

    (Original post by ihatePE)
    a little because they have so much on their mind they dont know what to deal with first
    This is true, but if they know that you are worrying about them then I don't think it's excusable to such an extent. Obviously, you don't always feel like talking to someone when you are feeling like that, but it's still unfair on the person that is trying to be there for you.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Wretch)
    Agreed. I would say that it is excusable to an extent, but not for such a long period of time. Whenever I have struggled a lot, I still make an effort to talk to those that I am conversing with and don't just ignore them for time, even though others do that to me. You can tell them that I can't talk right now or whatever



    This is true, but if they know that you are waiting and worrying about them then I don't think it's excusable to such an extent. Obviously, you don't always feel like talking to someone when you are feeling like that, but it's still unfair on the person that is trying to be there for you.
    Exactly this. Why does nobody understand this. It isn't hard to say. And yeah when I struggle I don't block people out or push people away, you just risk losing friends that way.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Protoxylic)
    Exactly this. Why does nobody understand this. It isn't hard to say. And yeah when I struggle I don't block people out or push people away, you just risk losing friends that way.
    Exactly. I have absolutely no idea why people don't do that. I'm glad that I'm not the only one that feels like that though haha. Like, how hard is it to say "I can't talk right now" so the other person knows what is going on instead of just ignoring you?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Wretch)
    Exactly. I have absolutely no idea why people don't do that. I'm glad that I'm not the only one that feels like that though haha. Like, how hard is it to say "I can't talk right now" so the other person knows what is going on instead of just ignoring you?
    No idea. Apparently it's an oblivious statement to some. I still agree, however, that they should be excused on the off chance, but on the regular, it's not entirely nice to be ignored or pushed away.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Protoxylic)
    No idea. Apparently it's an oblivious statement to some. I still agree, however, that they should be excused on the off chance, but on the regular, it's not entirely nice to be ignored or pushed away.
    I agree.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I'd try to understand that they're going through a tough time and excuse them but not continuously*
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    That is a really good question. I'd say that it would depend upon who the person is and what the extent of their depression is. I think that it's essential to be understanding of what a person is going through, especially if you yourself have never experienced depressive episodes or gone through serious issues, and part of that understanding is about being supportive and respectful of another person's rights to privacy freedom from interference.

    There are times when I think that it is ok to say something if you genuinely believe that the other person is consistently intending to hurt you or themselves, but I also think that (for the most part), people should be given support through a degree of understanding and patience. Again, it depends, but that's my opinion anyway.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    hmmmmmmmm tricky tricky :hmmmm2: errrmmm, i would defo get a proper treatment for them, if needed admit them in a hospital or whatever is good for them, people with mental problems such as being a psychotic etc can do crazy things which can be harmful :unsure:
    Offline

    15
    (Original post by Wretch)
    Say someone you are fairly close with is going through a depressive episode or something similar, does it give them an excuse to ignore you even if they know you are waiting for them, and just generally behave in an ill manner?
    I'd say yes because if they act this way it's because they generally have tough issues to deal with and don't even know anymore how to do so.

    Also sometimes, they just need some space, they want to be alone and they're tired of explaining what they want to everyone, especially because everyone is asking them what is wrong all the time.

    Really, forgive them, it was not their intention to upset you
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Sometimes
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    If it was depression, I would be quite sympathetic towards them, show empathy and maybe try and help them and make them feel better. If they were having a bad day however, I would expect them to distance themselves from people they are likely to upset, get it together and then re-integrate into the situation. There is no reason to make someone feel like **** or upset just because they're having a bad day. Even if they feel like they are going to do or say something out of line, they should take a time out and sort themselves out. So if they were ignoring me to sort themselves out id be fine with that and not be mad at them- but it does depend on the nature of the situation and how long they take. If their behaviour is always intolerant and being ill mannered is part of them, I don't know how I would react, I'd probably distance myself from them idek.

    If their feelings just spiralled out of control and said something to upset me, I guess i would judge them on their character (how they usually behave towards me), and just wait for them to sort themselves and apologise. If the bad treatment they gave me is somewhat their personality, I would cut them loose.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AthiaKarim)
    If it was depression, I would be quite sympathetic towards them, show empathy and maybe try and help them and make them feel better.
    I agree, to an extent. I can understand ignoring someone for a few days when you are really struggling, but if you know that they are worrying about you then you should at least talk to them or at least just say that "I can't talk right now". Even when I am really struggling, I still make a conscious effort to talk to others, even if it is just to tell them that I can't talk right now or whatever

    If they were having a bad day however, I would expect them to distance themselves from people they are likely to upset, get it together and then re-integrate into the situation. There is no reason to make someone feel like **** or upset just because they're having a bad day. Even if they feel like they are going to do or say something out of line, they should take a time out and sort themselves out. So if they were ignoring me to sort themselves out id be fine with that and not be mad at them- but it does depend on the nature of the situation and how long they take.
    How long is acceptable, in your opinion?

    If their behaviour is always intolerant and being ill mannered is part of them, I don't know how I would react, I'd probably distance myself from them idek.

    If their feelings just spiralled out of control and said something to upset me, I guess i would judge them on their character (how they usually behave towards me), and just wait for them to sort themselves and apologise. If the bad treatment they gave me is somewhat their personality, I would cut them loose.
    This is understandable!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    I'd say yes because if they act this way it's because they generally have tough issues to deal with and don't even know anymore how to do so.

    Also sometimes, they just need some space, they want to be alone and they're tired of explaining what they want to everyone, especially because everyone is asking them what is wrong all the time.

    Really, forgive them, it was not their intention to upset you
    I understand that, but I still don't think it excuses them to continually treat you like that.

    We all need space at times, and there is nothing wrong with that, at all. What is wrong is when you consciously ignore those that worry about you.
    Offline

    15
    (Original post by Wretch)
    I understand that, but I still don't think it excuses them to continually treat you like that.

    We all need space at times, and there is nothing wrong with that, at all. What is wrong is when you consciously ignore those that worry about you.
    If the person you are refering to did ignored you more than once, it's annoying indeed.. Because being depressed or something like that just means you're not 100% yourself, it does not mean you can be completely someone else \:

    Have you talked to them about that ? I think that's what I would do if I were in a similar situation
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Not an excuse, as such, but gives us greater space for empathy/compassion. Demand a basic level of respect, but be kind to those in need
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    It depends on the situation. I've been told that depression is fine for harassing someone. Ok, we'll just ignore the **** I was going through. (my granddad was dying and quite frankly, I didn't care about this guy's depression)

    If your friend does have depression, I think you need to understand that maybe they don't want to talk. I think maybe you should let them know that you're there if they do wish to talk though.
 
 
 
Poll
Do you like carrot cake?
Useful resources

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.