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    I want to apply for a job that requires data entry and some research and attention to detail. It required a cover letter so I have made a quick one, but don't know if it is good or not. I would attach my CV as well, but don't know if it is safe or not.
    Please give me feedback on it.Name:  my cover letter for TSR.png
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    This might seem like I am tearing it apart, but I am purposely being overly critical to show you what people are likely to think of it:1) you don't need spaces between the / in your date format. It might be the current view but it also looks like it is in a different font - if so change it do the font is consistent throughout the letter2) Try and find the name of the person who is looking after the vacancy and address it to them (if possible) - not to worry if this information is not available3) Your first sentence of the second paragraph is just odd and repetitive (you repeat just finished A-levels). It would read better if you deleted everything from "and I am not an ordinary" in the first sentence and combined it with your second sentence in the paragraph.4) Get rid of vague sayings like "some sort of" as seen in the first sentence of your third paragraph. It comes across as much more persuasive if you say "all my previous experience involved data entry and research".5) For example rarely adds anything to what you are saying, you can probably remove this6) Different systems? What kind of systems are you talking about - be more specific (e.g. database systems?)7) Your second sentence in the third paragraph is far too long and therefore unclear. Think about structuring this into separate sentences or cutting down the words to make it easier to read and therefore clearer.8) If you are going to use terms like GUI then use their full name rather than abbreviation. You don't know who is reading your cover letter and they might not be aware of what a GUI is, particularly if they work in a HR department that covers a lot of different type of roles/responsibilities.9) No comma needed after attention in your last sentence, third paragraph, but after perfect would make more sense.10) First sentence of your fourth paragraph is also quite long - might work better as two sentences.11) I might be wrong on this if the UK spelling is with a Z, but you use optimization (US spelling) but organisation (UK spelling). Make sure it is all UK spelling unless you are applying for a role in the US.12) It is hard to tell this without seeing your CV but I suspect some of the detail of your cover letter will repeat information in your CV - try to avoid this.13) Put in a little more as to why you have applied specifically for this role and to this company - this is not going to be evident from your CV.14) any way can be anyway15) The second sentence in your fourth paragraph is very repetitive - you use the word business three times - think about how you can reword it so their is less repetition.
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    Sorry for the poor formatting of the previous posts - unfortunately every time I try to edit it to make it easier to read, it doesn't save for some reason
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    (Original post by J-SP)
    Sorry for the poor formatting of the previous posts - unfortunately every time I try to edit it to make it easier to read, it doesn't save for some reason
    No problem at all! I just want to start of by saying, thank you soo much for this amazing and informative reply. I really appreciate it. By the way, do you just have experience in this stuff or is it part of your job? Since you seem to be pretty good at it.

    I have dealt with all the changes you have mentioned and noted some notes about each point, please see them below, and let me know if I have made any improvements and if it's good to go.
    Name:  Cover letter 2 PNG.PNG
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Size:  114.4 KB

    1) Spaces gone2) Name is nowhere to be found.3) Dealt with, please let me know if it’s better now.4) Got rid of that, but left “almost” is that fine?5) “For example” removed.6) Changed.7) Kinda dealt with this, removed a few words and changed some of the wording.8) GUI dealt with. Good point.9) Transferred comma.10) I split it up into 2 sentences. New sentence now starting with “Discovering”.11) I think you are right. After some research I found out that it is optimisation.12) I don’t think I have repeated anything from my CV directly.13) I added a bit to the end of the last paragraph but after that I want to put “and” another reason that I cannot think of.14) I did change it but, Word is telling me to change it to “any way” hehe.15) I replaced one of the “Business” with industry which makes way more sense. But still have it repeated twice, is that ok? I was going to replace one of the other ones with “firm”?

    Thank you very much.
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    Ah, I faced the same problem, it's not keeping the texts format.
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    There are some grammatical mistakes. The GUI required a great level of attention, as an example.

    It is a bit longer than it need be- suggest you look carefully at each sentence.*
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    (Original post by barnetlad)
    There are some grammatical mistakes. The GUI required a great level of attention, as an example.

    It is a bit longer than it need be- suggest you look carefully at each sentence.*
    Thanks for the reply. Can you please be more specific if you don't mind?
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    I have a deep knowledge of database systems and how they work, as I have developed two where I determined the data entry the end user needed for system access.

    I was required to understand the client's business thoroughly, which I gained via online research, so I could then develop an optimised website.*
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    (Original post by barnetlad)
    I have a deep knowledge of database systems and how they work, as I have developed two where I determined the data entry the end user needed for system access.

    I was required to understand the client's business thoroughly, which I gained via online research, so I could then develop an optimised website.*
    Perfect! This is it now:
    In my role as a Web developer, I was responsible for creating and maintaining client websites. Discovering customer needs through different marketing research was a big part of that process. I was required to understand the client's industry thoroughly, which I gained via online research, so I could then develop an optimised website. This coupled with my enthusiasm and dedication has helped the business increase the number of clients exponentially.
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    (Original post by Reda2)
    No problem at all! I just want to start of by saying, thank you soo much for this amazing and informative reply. I really appreciate it. By the way, do you just have experience in this stuff or is it part of your job? Since you seem to be pretty good at it.

    I have dealt with all the changes you have mentioned and noted some notes about each point, please see them below, and let me know if I have made any improvements and if it's good to go.
    Name:  Cover letter 2 PNG.PNG
Views: 163
Size:  114.4 KB

    1) Spaces gone2) Name is nowhere to be found.3) Dealt with, please let me know if it’s better now.4) Got rid of that, but left “almost” is that fine?5) “For example” removed.6) Changed.7) Kinda dealt with this, removed a few words and changed some of the wording.8) GUI dealt with. Good point.9) Transferred comma.10) I split it up into 2 sentences. New sentence now starting with “Discovering”.11) I think you are right. After some research I found out that it is optimisation.12) I don’t think I have repeated anything from my CV directly.13) I added a bit to the end of the last paragraph but after that I want to put “and” another reason that I cannot think of.14) I did change it but, Word is telling me to change it to “any way” hehe.15) I replaced one of the “Business” with industry which makes way more sense. But still have it repeated twice, is that ok? I was going to replace one of the other ones with “firm”?

    Thank you very much.
    I've spent my career reviewing CVs and applications forms 1)The "not an ordinary student" is still an odd phrase - I think you can get the sentiment across better. Your sentence could be something like "Despite only just finishing my A-levels, I have gained significant relevant work experience...." or something similar.2)The term "almost" is again not assertive enough. You can say "my previous work experience have involved..." and it keeps its meaning, you are not lying and it is suitable.3)The sentence structure is still clunky in places which makes it unclear and difficult to read/understand. It is too difficult to try and edit on here where it is an image rather than a word doc, but if you want to PM me with the text, I'll have a play around with it to show you what I mean by it.4) There are some grammatical issues as already pointed out - again it is more difficult to go through these where it is a word document.5) Don't worry about the anyway - I might be wrong, you can change it back. Or just get rid of that part of the sentence (it is a bit of an odd phrase again).6) I still don't get enough of why you want to do the job with that organisation from what is there. Think about why you are applying to this and other jobs. What would make you pick this job rather than other ones you have seen, what attracted you to this company rather than others you could have applied to. Be specific as possible. If the company has a website look to see if they have a careers section and if they do look at what they offer their employees in terms of training/development/career progression (or whatever else is important to you - as long as it is not money!).6)
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    (Original post by J-SP)
    I've spent my career reviewing CVs and applications forms 1)The "not an ordinary student" is still an odd phrase - I think you can get the sentiment across better. Your sentence could be something like "Despite only just finishing my A-levels, I have gained significant relevant work experience...." or something similar.2)The term "almost" is again not assertive enough. You can say "my previous work experience have involved..." and it keeps its meaning, you are not lying and it is suitable.3)The sentence structure is still clunky in places which makes it unclear and difficult to read/understand. It is too difficult to try and edit on here where it is an image rather than a word doc, but if you want to PM me with the text, I'll have a play around with it to show you what I mean by it.4) There are some grammatical issues as already pointed out - again it is more difficult to go through these where it is a word document.5) Don't worry about the anyway - I might be wrong, you can change it back. Or just get rid of that part of the sentence (it is a bit of an odd phrase again).6) I still don't get enough of why you want to do the job with that organisation from what is there. Think about why you are applying to this and other jobs. What would make you pick this job rather than other ones you have seen, what attracted you to this company rather than others you could have applied to. Be specific as possible. If the company has a website look to see if they have a careers section and if they do look at what they offer their employees in terms of training/development/career progression (or whatever else is important to you - as long as it is not money!).6)
    Thank you again for your amazing reply. I have already sent you my CV and I will send you that cover letter now as well. Thank you for your time. I won't do any changes to it yet until you had a look at the actual document so we don't make too many versions of it, and get confused hehe.
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    Out of curiosity are you applying for uni or just going straight into work after A Levels
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    (Original post by Chrisateen)
    Out of curiosity are you applying for uni or just going straight into work after A Levels
    I have applied to uni. I just want to work in the summer as I have always done each year, but each job in those years didn't require a cover letter, but I found this nice job that needed it this year, so I have to make one now, no way around it hehe.
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    (Original post by Reda2)
    I have applied to uni. I just want to work in the summer as I have always done each year, but each job in those years didn't require a cover letter, but I found this nice job that needed it this year, so I have to make one now, no way around it hehe.
    Oh don't worry just asking as if you were I may have a role you might be interested in
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    (Original post by Chrisateen)
    Oh don't worry just asking as if you were I may have a role you might be interested in
    Oh really? What role?
 
 
 
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