Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

19 and never had a GF, cant find anyone! Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Im 19 and i've never been in a relationship. never done anything vaguely intimate with a girl. not even a holding of the hands!

    I have no idea what i can do though.

    I lost weight, fixed up my style, just started working out, im a funny guy and im intelligent. I wouldn't call myself bad looking, and my female friends rate me higher than most of my male friends who have been in relationships in terms of looks (dont ask how i know this, but trust me that i do).

    I asked out my crush and, although i didnt get a definitive 'no' im pretty certain its not a yes.

    I'm just lost on what im doing wrong...
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    install tinder
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    By the sounds of it, the thing you're doing wrong is not asking anyone out. Maybe you're not even showing interest. You say you asked out your crush and didn't get a definitive answer. That's fine. Who else have you tried to date?

    There's an expectation that you'll show some interest in a girl if you are in fact interested in dating them. If you're not actively asking anyone, or even just flirting, trying to hang out, or whatever else you want to class as showing an interest then you can't really expect much else.

    If you're that worried, get on a dating website, go to places you may find potential dates (clubs, bars if that's your thing, or wherever else may be appropriate) and so on. Put yourself in a position to find other women. Keep in mind though you probably won't find "the girl of your dreams" like this. It really all depends on what you want from a relationship.

    Make sure you aren't coming across as desperate as well. If you posted on TSR about it then it obviously bothers you and you're likely communicating that subconsciously to the people you meet. It's a huge turn off and pretty much guarantees you won't find anyone unless they appear as desperate as you.

    Things will likely happen naturally in their own time. There's absolutely no rush but if you don't want to move things along a bit faster than take an active interest. Meet lots of girls. Put yourself in positions where you might meet potential dates. Ask for help from friends if you want, especially as they can give feedback for why you're still single. Ask for honest advice from people you trust.

    But above all else don't let it bother you.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im 19 and i've never been in a relationship. never done anything vaguely intimate with a girl. not even a holding of the hands!

    I have no idea what i can do though.

    I lost weight, fixed up my style, just started working out, im a funny guy and im intelligent. I wouldn't call myself bad looking, and my female friends rate me higher than most of my male friends who have been in relationships in terms of looks (dont ask how i know this, but trust me that i do).

    I asked out my crush and, although i didnt get a definitive 'no' im pretty certain its not a yes.

    I'm just lost on what im doing wrong...
    How many girls do you talk to?:holmes: nvm jsut saw "female friends" okay how many females who arent close friends?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Same here dude! I've given up I can't be bothered anymore it's just so discouraging!
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    > Install Tinder
    > Swipe everything right
    > Talk to the girls you find attractive
    > eventually meet them, try to arrange something in 24 hours
    > meet as many chicks as you can
    > try different things with them
    > trial and error
    > build a framework on how to talk with girls, get them in bed etc
    > eventually you will get laid etc if you consistently try and employ new methods

    ^ best advice

    many people get rejected and thats good. You have to approach a huge number of girls, and ateast 10% will find you attractive, if not more.

    Also, the way you look does not play a big role, as you may think. Its more about confidence and humor, but looking good helps, that includes physical shape and being dressed fairly well.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im 19 and i've never been in a relationship. never done anything vaguely intimate with a girl. not even a holding of the hands!

    I have no idea what i can do though.

    I lost weight, fixed up my style, just started working out, im a funny guy and im intelligent. I wouldn't call myself bad looking, and my female friends rate me higher than most of my male friends who have been in relationships in terms of looks (dont ask how i know this, but trust me that i do).

    I asked out my crush and, although i didnt get a definitive 'no' im pretty certain its not a yes.

    I'm just lost on what im doing wrong...
    just be confident and dont be shy to talk with girls. just go out their and see what happens. i am sure you will find someone xx
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    thanks everyone

    (Original post by SuperHuman98)
    How many girls do you talk to?:holmes: nvm jsut saw "female friends" okay how many females who arent close friends?
    Id probably only say I've got 2 close female friends, and only one of which I regularly go out drinking with. (we're definitely just friends though, theres hugs and stuff but she's like a sister to me).
    non-close female friends i've got a lot more. More than i care to count up in my head.

    (Original post by Acsel)
    By the sounds of it, the thing you're doing wrong is not asking anyone out. Maybe you're not even showing interest. You say you asked out your crush and didn't get a definitive answer. That's fine. Who else have you tried to date?

    There's an expectation that you'll show some interest in a girl if you are in fact interested in dating them. If you're not actively asking anyone, or even just flirting, trying to hang out, or whatever else you want to class as showing an interest then you can't really expect much else.

    If you're that worried, get on a dating website, go to places you may find potential dates (clubs, bars if that's your thing, or wherever else may be appropriate) and so on. Put yourself in a position to find other women. Keep in mind though you probably won't find "the girl of your dreams" like this. It really all depends on what you want from a relationship.

    Make sure you aren't coming across as desperate as well. If you posted on TSR about it then it obviously bothers you and you're likely communicating that subconsciously to the people you meet. It's a huge turn off and pretty much guarantees you won't find anyone unless they appear as desperate as you.

    Things will likely happen naturally in their own time. There's absolutely no rush but if you don't want to move things along a bit faster than take an active interest. Meet lots of girls. Put yourself in positions where you might meet potential dates. Ask for help from friends if you want, especially as they can give feedback for why you're still single. Ask for honest advice from people you trust.

    But above all else don't let it bother you.
    I go to clubs now and then, and If there's a party then im there (im always invited to them, because apparently im 'great fun' whatever that means). I havent tried to date anyone apart from my crush (she was quite a long-term crush).

    (Original post by MissOvoxo)
    Same here dude! I've given up I can't be bothered anymore it's just so discouraging!
    Thats why weightlifting exists xD the heavier you lift the less you can think about other things.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im 19 and i've never been in a relationship. never done anything vaguely intimate with a girl. not even a holding of the hands!

    I have no idea what i can do though.

    I lost weight, fixed up my style, just started working out, im a funny guy and im intelligent. I wouldn't call myself bad looking, and my female friends rate me higher than most of my male friends who have been in relationships in terms of looks (dont ask how i know this, but trust me that i do).

    I asked out my crush and, although i didnt get a definitive 'no' im pretty certain its not a yes.

    I'm just lost on what im doing wrong...
    I can't say I agree with the posters suggesting Tinder. I use the app myself; I'm not exactly Quasimodo, but trying to chat with the girls on there is like talking to a brick wall.

    Anyway, I'm possibly the worst person to suggest anything related to women as they run a mile from me, but here's a few things I've picked up through experience;

    - Relationships really are not that difficult. If you truly click with someone then things will just fall into place. Hand holding, kissing, sex etc will all just come naturally, so there's literally no reason to fret over it. If nothing else, remind yourself that when it happens, it happens, and usually for the right reasons.

    - Losing weight, maximizing your appearance and working out are all well-and-good, tried-and-tested strategies to boost one's appeal, but are you doing it exclusively for women or for yourself? If it's the former, you're going the wrong way about it. Do things for YOU alone, and enjoy life the way YOU want to.

    - As a funny, intelligent, non-bad looking guy who is rated higher by female friends in comparison to his male friends, I can wholeheartedly understand how frustrating this is for you. Without blabbering on about myself too much, there's been many occasion when I've been the best dressed, best groomed, most outgoing person within my entire social group enjoying myself with a carefree attitude, and not so much as had one girl look my way. It is disheartening, and it does hurt one's self-esteem. Here, a mindset change would come in handy; instead of wondering why you aren't attracting anyone's attention, remind yourself that you are a catch and if these girls would rather go for a muppet then it's their loss, not yours.

    Now, here's a few things you can continue to do/can do better;

    - Improve your skills = Improve your confidence = More appealing
    - Pursue your interests = Improve your happiness = More appealing
    - Practice conversation - Improve your conversational skills = More appealing

    As long as you live a life that you are happy with, as long as you do stuff for yourself, eventually a woman will walk into your life and will love you unconditionally. DO NOT CHANGE YOURSELF. Only improve.
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I go to clubs now and then, and If there's a party then im there (im always invited to them, because apparently im 'great fun' whatever that means). I havent tried to date anyone apart from my crush (she was quite a long-term crush).
    If you're not actively trying to pursue women then I'm not really sure what you'd expect. Of course you won't have a girlfriend. You can't just expect them to come to you. Going to parties and so on is good (if you enjoy them) and you can meet new people. Which in your case means more potential dating partners.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 6, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.