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Living with high ambition but lack of self confidence and direction to follow through Watch

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    Basically I'm having a bit of a crisis right now. It's related to not feeling happy or content with my life in the present.

    It's kind of like I'm searching for a meaning but I can't find it anywhere. I know what it is I want to do, but I don't have the self belief, but because I'm an idealist and often unrealistic and full of passion I'm often caught in a trap. It's a vicious cycle.

    This has resulted in my feeling very depressed. In some ways I'm a perfectionist and always view myself as less than perfect, although sometimes my work isn't as good as I project it to be.

    Currently, I finished uni in January with a 2:1 in the arts, I want to go into Graphic Design. Admittedly I had a rough last year and didn't utilise careers as much as I should've. All things considered I did well to come out with my 2:1 which I'd always aspired too. Had I not had the issues with anxiety and depression I'd have got a higher grade. See, it took me various attempts to get my degree.

    Anyhow, I'm currently living in a industrial northern town on the outskirts of a major city. It's grotty here, poverty stricken and generally people have no ambition. Ironically, I moved here from a fairly affluent area out of parents home to live with my longer term partner. It's important to note. I'm not wealthy or spoiled, my mum was very fortunate to be able to get a subsidy for our rent to live where we did and was a hard worker. The reason I moved was personal and career related as I'd hoped to get a job in the city.*

    I've applied for jobs and recently was invited for an internship with a large public health organisation. My CV and resume got me to interview which I was pleased about. However was not put forward after that.

    In the meantime I'm working in McDonalds to pay bills and I hate it. It's horrible. The treatment I get. I'm looking for other work but it's hard.

    I have such an ambitious nAture, I want to travel the world to do the things that many cant do. Perhaps I should just accept the fact I ain't rich, I live in a rubbish area, I work at McDonald's and I have no confidence in my design ideas (enough to get a better job in industry).

    Anyone relate to not feeling good enough?*
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    (Original post by royal1990)
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    Can definitely relate to this, I think a lot of people can especially new graduates. Other than job-hunting, is there anything you can be doing in your spare time to work towards your goal, or that makes you feel like you're being productive towards it? There's loads of online courses and things- you could always start learning a language or something which works for employability and travel! Aside from that, have you seen your GP about any of it at all? It sounds like something like CBT could help you a lot, again there's online versions of it like Moodgym (google it) which are good although a professional would obviously be better. Hope that helps bit!
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    (Original post by furryface12)
    Can definitely relate to this, I think a lot of people can especially new graduates. Other than job-hunting, is there anything you can be doing in your spare time to work towards your goal, or that makes you feel like you're being productive towards it? There's loads of online courses and things- you could always start learning a language or something which works for employability and travel! Aside from that, have you seen your GP about any of it at all? It sounds like something like CBT could help you a lot, again there's online versions of it like Moodgym (google it) which are good although a professional would obviously be better. Hope that helps bit!
    I haven't looked for free online courses as such, but that is a good suggestion. I guess the thing that has affected me most is having moved from a fairly stable and well to do area- I had a bit more money, was paid weekly as opposed to now fortnightly- I could afford to do a bit more. I could go out for walks in the fresh air- as I lived in the tranquil countryside, not many people about and it was fine.

    I live in a much bigger area, very industrial and I guess I feel less free to do things I used to do.

    I haven't seen a doctor here yet, because I'm not registered. Although, its worth pointing out, my GP back home was familiar with me, and I used to go in a lot about mental health issues. It fact, we had more of a personal close relationship- more akin to mates down the pub than a GP. Obviously, I am not there anymore so none of that matters.

    I have followed the procedure and found a surgery. I filled in their extraordinary long application form, and they sent me a letter a fortnight later telling me they wanted to undertake a health assessment as part of my registration. The letter explained what this entailed, but gave no indication of where, when and how to arrange this- which was bizarre.

    All of this coupled with depression, not feeling so good in myself makes me less likely to bother- even though I know things will get worse- I've been here before!

    All things considered, I've decided to pay a private psychotherapist again and find one in this area. Unfortunately, I am unable to schedule an appointment with her right now, because of my supervisor and timetabling constraints in work. They're really bad with releasing the rota last minute, and i have to book time off weeks and weeks in advance. Which makes arranging weekly or fortnightly sessions a pain!

    There is an NHS programme called Healthy Minds or so im told in my area. I know someone who's doctor recommended it to her, although I'm not sure if it is via GP referral only.

    I've had mixed success in the past with the NHS, and I gave up and went private with therapy. It's just I moved away and had to end therapy with my last therapist.
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    (Original post by royal1990)
    I haven't looked for free online courses as such, but that is a good suggestion. I guess the thing that has affected me most is having moved from a fairly stable and well to do area- I had a bit more money, was paid weekly as opposed to now fortnightly- I could afford to do a bit more. I could go out for walks in the fresh air- as I lived in the tranquil countryside, not many people about and it was fine.

    I live in a much bigger area, very industrial and I guess I feel less free to do things I used to do.

    I haven't seen a doctor here yet, because I'm not registered. Although, its worth pointing out, my GP back home was familiar with me, and I used to go in a lot about mental health issues. It fact, we had more of a personal close relationship- more akin to mates down the pub than a GP. Obviously, I am not there anymore so none of that matters.

    I have followed the procedure and found a surgery. I filled in their extraordinary long application form, and they sent me a letter a fortnight later telling me they wanted to undertake a health assessment as part of my registration. The letter explained what this entailed, but gave no indication of where, when and how to arrange this- which was bizarre.

    All of this coupled with depression, not feeling so good in myself makes me less likely to bother- even though I know things will get worse- I've been here before!

    All things considered, I've decided to pay a private psychotherapist again and find one in this area. Unfortunately, I am unable to schedule an appointment with her right now, because of my supervisor and timetabling constraints in work. They're really bad with releasing the rota last minute, and i have to book time off weeks and weeks in advance. Which makes arranging weekly or fortnightly sessions a pain!

    There is an NHS programme called Healthy Minds or so im told in my area. I know someone who's doctor recommended it to her, although I'm not sure if it is via GP referral only.

    I've had mixed success in the past with the NHS, and I gave up and went private with therapy. It's just I moved away and had to end therapy with my last therapist.
    I can imagine that. It'll get better though- are there any parks or anything near where you live? They're better than nothing. I can understand it though definitely. Hope you can register with a new GP soon and they're good, it sounds like a real pain trying to register like that! With your work too, the healthy minds thing sounds like it could be worth looking into though. The NHS can be amazing or terrible, unfortunately mental health support is more often at the terrible end but there are some good people and the intent is there, worth a try anyway especially if you're in a new area. Good luck!
 
 
 
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