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    A man goes into Tesco one day and is enraged to find his wife walking around hand-in-hand with another man. He leaves, though decides not to confront his wife about this, and just to make sure, he keeps returning for several weeks at the same time each week and, sure enough, finds her holding hands with this unknown man every time.

    The man can take no more and begins drinking in his local at every opportunity, and one evening he strikes up conversation with a bloke called Arti. He tells him the story and Arti says that he will do her over in Tesco. The man asks about a fee and Arti tells him that he loves to kill people and will accept a token fee of a pound. He describes his wife to Arti: she always wears a long beige coat and has short, blonde hair.

    The deal is done and the place is set to Tesco on Friday lunchtime. Arti awaits their arrival and follow them around the shop for a while and then pounces on them, strangling them both with his bare hands.

    As Arti runs out of the shop two security guards tackle him to the ground and wait for the police. He is caught and tried for murder and found guilty. The headline in the paper the next day read:

    ARTI CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO Boom, Boom!


    Can anyone else do any worse? Post your worst jokes here!
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    How do you kill a circus?

    Go for the juggler.
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    (Original post by Mr White)
    How do you kill a circus?

    Go for the juggler.
    I don't get that one! Could you explain?
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    Jugular vein?
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    (Original post by musicman)
    I don't get that one! Could you explain?
    It must be bad.
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    What's green and hard?








    A frog with a knife!

    (As told to me by Mr White )
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    Anybody hear about the blonde tap dancer? She fell down the sink.

    (No, I have nothing against blonde people, and don't go starting a 'blonde jokes' thread.)
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    (Original post by Acaila)
    Jugular vein?
    oooh right :rolleyes:
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    Q: A blonde and a brunette both jump of a cliff. Which hits the ground first?

    A: The brunette: the blonde has to stop off and ask for directions!

    Sorry couldn't resist!!!
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    Musicman, you'll be famous soon enough already - congratulations.
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    What do you get if you cross a marxist with a lizard?

    Commie commie commie commie commie chamaeleon


    (Thanks to Faboba for that)
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    What do you call a Russian satellite full of stolen potatoes?









    Spudnick!

    oh dear.....
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    (Original post by tis_me_lord)
    Musicman, you'll be famous soon enough already - congratulations.
    hehe thanks...partly down to you!
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    knock knock

    whos there

















    biggish





















    biggish who?












    no thanks not today
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    (Original post by meepmeep)
    What do you call a Russian satellite full of stolen potatoes?









    Spudnick!

    oh dear.....

    That's so bad, even I winced
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    (Original post by Acaila)
    What do you get if you cross a marxist with a lizard?

    Commie commie commie commie commie chamaeleon


    (Thanks to Faboba for that)
    That one made me laugh! Hehe thats funny!
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    (Original post by Chicken)
    That one made me laugh! Hehe thats funny!
    Yay! I like it too. Few people seem to share our opinion
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    (Original post by Acaila)
    What do you get if you cross a marxist with a lizard?

    Commie commie commie commie commie chamaeleon


    (Thanks to Faboba for that)
    :rolleyes: yes very funny!
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    (Original post by Chicken)
    That one made me laugh! Hehe thats funny!
    lol hahha thats funny!
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    I dont get the first one, anyone explain?
 
 
 
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