Jokes so bad, they're kinda funny

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Amb1
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#61
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#61
2 pieces of bread walking down the street and it starts to rain. One of them says "Oh sh*t! I've left my washing out!"
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Amb1
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#62
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#62
Knock knock
Who's there?
Winnie thep....!
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not1
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#63
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#63
(Original post by musicman)

ARTI CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO Boom, Boom!


Can anyone else do any worse? Post your worst jokes here!
Heh, my humanities teacher at the school in the US I was visiting told that joke He used to tell us his 'joke of the day' before the start of every lesson.
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SamTheMan
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#64
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(Original post by Amb1)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Winnie thep....!
Is that what you shout on when you're on the loo?
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musicman
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#65
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#65
lol
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Leslee
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#66
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#66
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.

Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
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sniper999
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#67
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when i head this 1, i was crackin up hard... listen up ppl

A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and
relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit
the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance
who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest

feature: a mirror, which, if you look into it and say something truthful,
you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something
false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness
for all eternity!"

The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette
said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she
was surrounded by a pile of money.

The redhead stepped up and said "I think I'm the most talented of us
three" and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde
looked into the mirror and said, "I think... " and was promptly sucked
into the magic mirror...
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Economics
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#68
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#68
What happened when a pussy swallowed a penney??













There was money in the kitty!
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sniper999
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#69
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#69
(Original post by DazYaTTT)
um

how do you get 10,000,000 ethiopions into a telephone booth?

chuck a can of beans in

how do you get them out again>?

run past with a tin opener

whats the fastest thing in the world?

an ethiopian with a dinner ticket

thats similar to this 1.

how do u get a jew in a bus

throw a penny in

how do u get him out

tell him hitlers driving

(no offence to jews)
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Rose in Bloom
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#70
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(Original post by sniper999)
when i head this 1, i was crackin up hard... listen up ppl

A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=fitness&v=56">fitne ss</a> <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=spa&v=56">spa</a> for some fun and
relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit
the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance
who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest

feature: a mirror, which, if you look into it and say something truthful,
you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something
false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness
for all eternity!"

The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette
said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she
was surrounded by a pile of <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=money&v=56">money</a>.

The redhead stepped up and said "I think I'm the most talented of us
three" and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde
looked into the mirror and said, "I think... " and was promptly sucked
into the magic mirror...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...(sorry, no offence to anyone)...This one really made me laugh!
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Rose in Bloom
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#71
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#71
Now this is a chemistry kind of joke (even though I hate that subject, this is something that I actually understand and find a bit amusing...):

An atom said to another, I think I have lost an electron....The other atom replies: are u sure?....The first says: I am POSITIVE!!!
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sniper999
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#72
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#72
(Original post by Rose in Bloom)
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...(sorry, no offence to anyone)...This one really made me laugh!
yeah, tell me about it, i felt sorry for the blonders though, they must be goin mad
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dogtanian
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#73
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#73
(Original post by sniper999)
yeah, tell me about it, i felt sorry for the blonders though, they must be goin mad
I'm blonde and I don't understand why other blondes get offended by them. If they know they're not dippy, why should the stereotype matter?


Besides, there's always the The Brunette Joke...

What's the reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet?"

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their moustache

What do you call a brunette whose phone rings on a Saturday night?
Shocked
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kolyainamerika
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#74
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#74
knock-knock

who's there?

interrupting cow

interrupting cow wh- MOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!



A man walks into a bar, he says ouch. why does he say ouch?

because he walked into a bar.



and the one stupid joke that made me fall off my chair laughing......

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.
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Jak Spencer
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#75
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#75
What did one tomato say to the other?.............












You Go on ahead and i'll ketchup.
sorry
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Mighty
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#76
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#76
What did the lesbian vampires say to each other?

"Same time next month then?"

(If you don't get this joke DO NOT ask someone else to explain it. It's too dirty.)
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Nylex
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#77
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#77
(Original post by Mighty)
What did the lesbian vampires say to each other?

"Same time next month then?"

(If you don't get this joke DO NOT ask someone else to explain it. It's too dirty.)
Yuck.
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Mighty
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#78
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#78
(Original post by Nylex)
Yuck.
Har har, he got it.
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Rose in Bloom
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#79
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#79
(Original post by Nylex)
Yuck.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!..now thats sick!...but still a joke since humour has many forms.........
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jonas123
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#80
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#80
How do you get 300 elephants into Safeway?

Take the 's' out of safe, and the 'f' out of way...


--------------------------------------------------------------


There's an englishman, an irishman and a scotsman driving in the desert when their car breaks down. They all agree to take one item to help them survive as they go and search for help. The englishman takes an umbrella to shield him from the sun, the scotsman takes a bottle of water to drink when he gets thirsty, and the irishman takes the car door, so he can wind down the window when it gets hot :P


---------------------------------------------------------------


Englishman, irishman and a scotsman in a plane. They hear the pilot announce on the speakers 'we've got a problem, we're gonna crash. There are three parachutes on the plane and i'm taking 1 of them...' So a mad flurry starts in search of the 2 remaining parachutes. The scotsman finds one and jumps out the plane. The irishman finds one and jumps out of the plane. The englishman, accepting his fate, sits down on a box and to his surprise a parachute falls out. On his descent, he sees the pilot, then he sees the scotsman, then at last he sees the irishman with a plastic bag over his head...


(No offence to Irish ppl, I love you really )
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