My girlfriend has gone on holiday, and I feel sh*t, help please
I've been with her just a little under a year. We are best friends and spend most of our time together. We were planning a holiday together, until her friends (2 guys and 4 girls) invited her on a holiday. She instead, slowly but surly moved her attention to the holiday with her friends. To the point she could no longer afford our holiday.
So shes now gone on holiday for a week, to Barcelona, with all friends while I'm stuck at home virtually on my own. Oh, and by the way... I've never left the UK before!! And she was meant to be taking away for the first time.
Now its just me, netflix and my *****y job, while shes off having a great time in the sunshine. All paid for her by her middle class family, while im sitting her in my council house bedroom pondering about what could have been a great experience for me. I don't know how i feel, i feel let down and m going to be honest, I'm very jealous, to the point I've come to tears.
So shes now gone on holiday for a week, to Barcelona, with all friends while I'm stuck at home virtually on my own. Oh, and by the way... I've never left the UK before!! And she was meant to be taking away for the first time.
Now its just me, netflix and my *****y job, while shes off having a great time in the sunshine. All paid for her by her middle class family, while im sitting her in my council house bedroom pondering about what could have been a great experience for me. I don't know how i feel, i feel let down and m going to be honest, I'm very jealous, to the point I've come to tears.
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Original post by Tiger Rag
It's only a week. Go out and do things with your friends?
I plan to, or at least I try. I don't have the longest list of friends! But I'm more asking how to deal with this feeling? and why I'm getting it etc? Or maybe even a bit of confirmation you'd feel the same way?
It's not a trust issue, I don't feel like shes going to cheat etc.
From my knowledge it seems as if she does not value you as much as you value her. If you were planning a holiday together but she decides to go on the holiday with her friends instead, and as such has no money to go on holiday with you then that proves my point. Also it shows she's very selfish, she could have potentially invited you along with her friends? That way everyone is happy. My advice would be to confront her and say how this situation has made you feel. If she's too busy having fun to care, find someone else. Also, keep yourself busy, do things you like to do, that way she'll be back before you know it and you'll start feeling better. Think of this, would you let your girlfriend feel the way you're feeling? If it's no then you know what to do.
All the best
All the best
Original post by Zarek
Why do you think she did this? Is the relationship on the slippery slope.
She says she did this because she has been friends with them since she was little, and they had been flirting with the idea of a holiday for years gone by and as soon as it started to materalise she couldn't say no.Honestly, I think she just thinks she'd have a better time with them, than me.
I completely understand why you're feeling down about this, I'd probably be the same. Did you speak to her about it? Was she aware you were hurt by the fact she did this?
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Keep yourself distracted OP. She'll come back, it will just give yourself something to loko forward too.
1. Sort out what you are going to do in the week. I suggest keeping busy and not sulking or stalking her. One social medica contact maybe mid holiday hoping shes having a good time etc or none and just leave her to it.
2. Decide if you have an issue with her. I cna see how you might be disappointed, but it is only a week and its better if you just hope she has a good time and that should be enough.
3. When she gets back do not sulk or overplay things. If you do she will sense that your relationship will go down hill (immature/ controlling/ insecure/ tryst/ miserable etc) and then you wont have any relationship. Be warned. Your best stragey is to be fine, trust her and show her she can have just as much fin with you when she gets back.
If you confront her and you are clumsy (you will be) then you are forcing the issue and no good will come of it. The last thing she wants after coming back off a good holiday is an insecure boyfriend with jealousy and misery issues. Not what she will wnat to hear.
2. Decide if you have an issue with her. I cna see how you might be disappointed, but it is only a week and its better if you just hope she has a good time and that should be enough.
3. When she gets back do not sulk or overplay things. If you do she will sense that your relationship will go down hill (immature/ controlling/ insecure/ tryst/ miserable etc) and then you wont have any relationship. Be warned. Your best stragey is to be fine, trust her and show her she can have just as much fin with you when she gets back.
If you confront her and you are clumsy (you will be) then you are forcing the issue and no good will come of it. The last thing she wants after coming back off a good holiday is an insecure boyfriend with jealousy and misery issues. Not what she will wnat to hear.
Original post by Gaffers96
From my knowledge it seems as if she does not value you as much as you value her. If you were planning a holiday together but she decides to go on the holiday with her friends instead, and as such has no money to go on holiday with you then that proves my point. Also it shows she's very selfish, she could have potentially invited you along with her friends? That way everyone is happy. My advice would be to confront her and say how this situation has made you feel. If she's too busy having fun to care, find someone else. Also, keep yourself busy, do things you like to do, that way she'll be back before you know it and you'll start feeling better. Think of this, would you let your girlfriend feel the way you're feeling? If it's no then you know what to do.
All the best
All the best
I would defiantly agree the first point, even though she'd probably say the same about herself, but in my view I value her in every aspect of life while most of the time she resents me, pushing me away when it comes to any sort of affection etc. We haven't kissed in a week (and we've seen each other for 5 days straight) or do "anything" in over a month. - Anyway, that's a separate issue all together.
I couldn't of gone along with her friends, as it was just the "group" and significant others were not allowed.
When this first started to become a problem in Feb, i expressed my feelings about it then but she just said "we've been planning this for years" and "we can go anytime." And in fairness to her she has been trying to scrape together some holiday ideas for the end of the august but its just cheap 2 day holidays to places I'd never really dreamed of going - but shes noticed my feelings, and tried to correct it, even though it only annoys me further.
Honestly, there's no really way i could message her and even if i could. I would not like to ruin her holiday - that would be selfish of me.
Original post by Changing Skies
I completely understand why you're feeling down about this, I'd probably be the same. Did you speak to her about it? Was she aware you were hurt by the fact she did this?
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Posted from TSR Mobile
Thank you, I'd been waiting for someone to say that
I did spear to her about this, in fact we argued about it a couple of times, I told her her that i feel 2nd best to all her friends since our holiday that we have been planning for months as just been trained wrecked by the idea of a holiday with you're friends. This was in Feb, and at the time she calmed me down by saying that she'd find the money for ours... and obviously she never did. But even now, shes looking at holidays on the cheap for 2 days, to places I've never wanted to go, just to make me feel better... but it just makes me feel worse. Blow you're money on a £1,000 holiday with your friends, then see what you can get with the change with me.
During the planning stage, my parents even bought me a passport, which was a big deal since their both on min wage. But now, im not going to use it because she decided on going on holiday with her friends.
Original post by Damien17
I would defiantly agree the first point, even though she'd probably say the same about herself, but in my view I value her in every aspect of life while most of the time she resents me, pushing me away when it comes to any sort of affection etc. We haven't kissed in a week (and we've seen each other for 5 days straight) or do "anything" in over a month. - Anyway, that's a separate issue all together.
.
.
that's not a separate issue all together, it means she's no longer attracted to you and you should be ready for a break up. This is the reason why she chose her friends over you
Don't be so bloody selfish she is allowed a life. It's not up to her to give you opportunity for a holiday - go with your own friends if it means that much to you. Seems like you care less about her happiness and more about what she can give you.*
Original post by Damien17
Thank you, I'd been waiting for someone to say that
I did spear to her about this, in fact we argued about it a couple of times, I told her her that i feel 2nd best to all her friends since our holiday that we have been planning for months as just been trained wrecked by the idea of a holiday with you're friends. This was in Feb, and at the time she calmed me down by saying that she'd find the money for ours... and obviously she never did. But even now, shes looking at holidays on the cheap for 2 days, to places I've never wanted to go, just to make me feel better... but it just makes me feel worse. Blow you're money on a £1,000 holiday with your friends, then see what you can get with the change with me.
During the planning stage, my parents even bought me a passport, which was a big deal since their both on min wage. But now, im not going to use it because she decided on going on holiday with her friends.
I did spear to her about this, in fact we argued about it a couple of times, I told her her that i feel 2nd best to all her friends since our holiday that we have been planning for months as just been trained wrecked by the idea of a holiday with you're friends. This was in Feb, and at the time she calmed me down by saying that she'd find the money for ours... and obviously she never did. But even now, shes looking at holidays on the cheap for 2 days, to places I've never wanted to go, just to make me feel better... but it just makes me feel worse. Blow you're money on a £1,000 holiday with your friends, then see what you can get with the change with me.
During the planning stage, my parents even bought me a passport, which was a big deal since their both on min wage. But now, im not going to use it because she decided on going on holiday with her friends.
You are being needy. Whilsy most people will sympathise at your disappointment if you go emo about it and argue, then you will be seriously undermining your relationship with her. Strange you can't see that.
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
Don't be so bloody selfish she is allowed a life. It's not up to her to give you opportunity for a holiday - go with your own friends if it means that much to you. Seems like you care less about her happiness and more about what she can give you.*
Original post by 10BElla
Don't put her down because she has a middle class family. It's not her fault, all I'd say is just hope that she has a good time and chill!
I think you're misunderstanding the story, I'll do a time line for you:
1. We, as a couple, begin to start planning a holiday, my parents by a pass port, we get everthing sorted, literally to the stage where we need to put in our bank details
2. Her friend, ask her to on holiday with her instead, she says yes and says to me, the guy who's never left the country before and who had just folked out for a passport, that she can no longer afford to go on holiday with me and she is going to on holiday with her friends
Original post by Damien17
I think you're misunderstanding the story, I'll do a time line for you:
1. We, as a couple, begin to start planning a holiday, my parents by a pass port, we get everthing sorted, literally to the stage where we need to put in our bank details
2. Her friend, ask her to on holiday with her instead, she says yes and says to me, the guy who's never left the country before and who had just folked out for a passport, that she can no longer afford to go on holiday with me and she is going to on holiday with her friends
1. We, as a couple, begin to start planning a holiday, my parents by a pass port, we get everthing sorted, literally to the stage where we need to put in our bank details
2. Her friend, ask her to on holiday with her instead, she says yes and says to me, the guy who's never left the country before and who had just folked out for a passport, that she can no longer afford to go on holiday with me and she is going to on holiday with her friends
Why did your parents buy your passport? Look, there will be plenty of opportunities to go on holiday don't get too het up about this one time. Maybe she thought she would prefer to go with her friends, maybe she didn't realise how much it meant to you, maybe she doesn't see your relationship lasting. Moaning about it isn't going to help it's just going to drive her away, talk to her about it when she's back - if she's as "middle class" as you say I'm sure in a few months she will be able to afford a holiday with you again. **
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
Why did your parents buy your passport? Look, there will be plenty of opportunities to go on holiday don't get too het up about this one time. Maybe she thought she would prefer to go with her friends, maybe she didn't realise how much it meant to you, maybe she doesn't see your relationship lasting. Moaning about it isn't going to help it's just going to drive her away, talk to her about it when she's back - if she's as "middle class" as you say I'm sure in a few months she will be able to afford a holiday with you again. **
It was a Christmas gift.
Original post by Damien17
Thank you, I'd been waiting for someone to say that
I did spear to her about this, in fact we argued about it a couple of times, I told her her that i feel 2nd best to all her friends since our holiday that we have been planning for months as just been trained wrecked by the idea of a holiday with you're friends. This was in Feb, and at the time she calmed me down by saying that she'd find the money for ours... and obviously she never did. But even now, shes looking at holidays on the cheap for 2 days, to places I've never wanted to go, just to make me feel better... but it just makes me feel worse. Blow you're money on a £1,000 holiday with your friends, then see what you can get with the change with me.
During the planning stage, my parents even bought me a passport, which was a big deal since their both on min wage. But now, im not going to use it because she decided on going on holiday with her friends.
I did spear to her about this, in fact we argued about it a couple of times, I told her her that i feel 2nd best to all her friends since our holiday that we have been planning for months as just been trained wrecked by the idea of a holiday with you're friends. This was in Feb, and at the time she calmed me down by saying that she'd find the money for ours... and obviously she never did. But even now, shes looking at holidays on the cheap for 2 days, to places I've never wanted to go, just to make me feel better... but it just makes me feel worse. Blow you're money on a £1,000 holiday with your friends, then see what you can get with the change with me.
During the planning stage, my parents even bought me a passport, which was a big deal since their both on min wage. But now, im not going to use it because she decided on going on holiday with her friends.
You are being really quite selfish. I'm not quite sure where you were planning on going with her... but it seems that she would rather go on a bigger holiday, spend a grand and enjoy it with her friends.
I understand that you haven't been out of the country before etc - but honestly that's really not her problem, nor is that a reason for her to 'owe you' a holiday.
She is trying to suggest other places to go with whatever money she can afford, and quite honestly, since you're someone who is not as well off as her, I can imagine there have been several times before this that she has compromised with what you can afford, why can't you do the same? Not to mention, if she is as well off as you say, then it won't take her too long to have money ready for the next holiday.
It seems that you're at home feeling bitter about it. She didn't "choose her friends over you"... she saw her friends booking a holiday, she didn't want to be left out, she booked it with them and hoped that you would understand (evidently not), and has suggested other holidays for you both to go on.
Even if you don't have a long list of friends, what were you doing before you met her? The idea that she is literally all your happiness is a little worrying.
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