OK, so me and my girlfriend have been together for two years, I relocated to be with her leaving my home town with just a backpack of possessions to be with her, I love her deeply.
So far I have been the one who pays for everything, the rent, the food, the days out etc as she doesn't work (this was a later development), she got offered jobs and accepts, does a maximum of 3 days and leaves without discussing it with me. The last one I had to call and lie because she couldn't face speaking to them! I even had to take her uniform / locker key back and spin a web of lies. I have always worked pretty much, I have a long term health problem and often need to go into hospital and I have to say she supports me amazingly but I do get up and work as someone needs to keep a roof over our head. I am on reduced hours but realistically I think I need to go back full time otherwise I don't know how we will survive.
She has recently gone off sex, I have quite a high sex drive and I have stopped initiating, I have experience in the past of being made to feel disgusting because of it. She knows this and would get upset about feeling undesired so when I took my courage and was turned down it hurt alot. Now I don't want to make her feel pressured by me but I miss the intimacy and connection not just how good it feels. It has been almost 6 weeks and my libido is raging but I am trying to ignore it even though she turns me on like nobody before.
Anyway, last night after I had finished work I travelled across London to take back the uniform, I was feeling really terrible and almost having an anxiety attack but I did it for her. I got back and the atmosphere was so heavy. I asked what was up and I got ignored. I asked again and I touched her back to comfort her and I was told nt to touch her and I was pushed away.
I felt like I had really upset her. About 2 hours of silence later she touched my hand and asked me what was wrong. I said that I felt pushed away and ignored and she told me that I am too sensitive and it annoys her that I don't say anything immediately, truth is I was scared of her and also felt like I had done everything wrong.
I am not allowed to spend my own money because we need it for stuff and if I do spend I get told off.
I don't know what has happened I don't want to leave her, has anyone else found this?
I am 33 (f) and my girlfriend is 37.
My Dad passed away in March, it is quite hard on us both and she says she is going to look for work again next week but now I have lost faith as she always says that and then never stays yet if I am off she pushes me to return even if I am struggling.
Thank you in advance xx
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Rather worried and a bit sad watch
- Thread Starter
Last edited by hypnocharlie; 10-07-2016 at 15:21. Reason: Wanted to add some additional details.
- 10-07-2016 15:17
- 10-07-2016 15:23
You need to talk to her about this. It seems like to me she is taking advantage of your kindness and generosity and you really don't deserve to be doing EVERYTHING for her. You are human as well, and you have feelings. You don't need to let her treat you that way. You need to ask her how much you mean to her and if she is actually willing to fight for this relationship or not and if she is, to make some changes i.e get a job. Ask her why she is so distant and not willing to have sex with you. It could be that she has lost feelings?
- 10-07-2016 15:30
I know you love her. But you need to leave her. She is using you. She does not love you if she did she would not have pushed you away. You need to find someone else, someone who will allow you to satisfy your desire, someone who listens to you and is there for you and calms you down!
- 10-07-2016 15:32
She's taking advantage of you and from what you've written here, it sounds like she doesn't care about or respect you. You should break up with her. You'll get over her eventually and hopefully you'll find someone who isn't a complete ****.
- 10-07-2016 17:14
If your going to stick with this I think it's time for a serious talk, maybe even relationship counselling..