Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
Turn on thread page Beta
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Last year i moved house and my neighbor has some form of 'mental' disability. I know he is 28 years old currently, i know he's not allowed to drink energy drinks or have caffeine, he's not allowed to eat pork but is not religious.

    He has a weird obsession with baseball caps and WILL NOT leave the house without one but his mum has now banned him from wearing them. He is in his garden 90% of the time and 'plays pretend' which he apparently takes medication for, he pretends he is a builder, he has an imaginary fiance, imaginary flat, imaginary job and 3 imaginary cats....

    but he knows, admits and is proud of the fact they are imaginary and openly talks about them.

    I find it really awkward because he keeps asking me to play with his cats and i obviously can't see them, he asked me if he could have some dinner with me so i agreed and he asked me to plate some up for his imaginary fiance. He invited his imaginary friends to a BBQ of mine and got upset that i wasn't talking to them or wasn't replying or replying with the wrong answers or if i didn't answer (because they aren't asking anything, because they aren't there).

    Rain, sun or shine- whenever i open my side door or front door he calls me and starts talking to me, literally every time, or even a window. When we do talk he repeats himself, doesn't talk to me, more at me. He keeps talking about his dads death but then says he hates talking about it. Everything he eats he throws it back up and for the last 12 months we have had the exact same repeated conversation again and again and again.

    Sometimes i'll go outside and he'll be sat in my garden playing imaginary football games because apparently he doesn't have enough room in his, he keeps breaking things and moving things.

    He is obsessing over me sitting in my garden with him, always invites himself over for tea, keeps asking for alcohol (he's only allowed one can of mild beer- i do not drink alcohol), but he is allowed it,

    he watches me through the gaps in the fence for as long as 4 hours at a time- ignores me if i speak to him and even sometimes gives a running commentary of what i'm doing- talking to himself eg....

    '***** look she's gardening, now she's walking over there. What is she doing, oh she's bending over, look she's tying her hair up' which obviously makes me uncomfortable. and if i'm in the front garden he leans over the hedges, extremely obviously, to watch me. The last time he was over, he came at around 10am whilst i was doing some gardening, he asked if he could sit with me so i said i could sit with him for one hour, after 3 hours he then said he was going to stay until 11pm then he had to go to bed, i said i had to go in and then he sat in my garden waiting for me to come back out until 11pm, i told him numerous amounts i wasn't coming back out and he simply replied 'Oh, i'll just wait here for you...until you come back out' but he says it really kindly,not aggressively, like he's abit slow. I don't have any more information but i would like to know what he has so i am able to talk to him less uncomfortably because his mum pretty much just lets him walk into my house.

    It sounds horrid but i haven't left the house for days because i just know he's there, i can't wear a bikini or invite friends over because he literally talks 100 mile an hour none stop, talks over everybody and raises his voice over their's. He doesn't let anybody respond to him, it's like he is reciting a book at full volume from 10am-11pm, whether anyone is there or listening or not. He will not leave unless he wants to and he stands out in the pouring down rain,sleet and snow. His mum just ignores the situation.I know the last neighbor got fed up of him following her to the shops and down town so she gave him a bottle of vodka and then he wasn't allowed to go back, his mum banned him. I've spoke to her and she says to send him back to home but he doesn't listen. she then replied 'well i can't just cage him up', he climbs over my locked 8ft side gate..... it's like having a stalker but he can't help it and the police won't get involved because of his disability. I'm angry and upset at the same time.
    Online

    21
    ReputationRep:
    if it's a spectrum disorder then it's obviously mismanaged or not managed at all, a 28 year old shouldn't still be acting like a 12 year old

    Another thing to add: I think his mother has a lot to answer for why he is 28 and still acting this way. Where have the social services been all this time? If she couldn't spot the weird behaviours when he was young then why weren't they spotted at all throughout his education?
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by GreekTea)
    Last year i moved house and my neighbor has some form of 'mental' disability. I know he is 28 years old currently, i know he's not allowed to drink energy drinks or have caffeine, he's not allowed to eat pork but is not religious.

    He has a weird obsession with baseball caps and WILL NOT leave the house without one but his mum has now banned him from wearing them. He is in his garden 90% of the time and 'plays pretend' which he apparently takes medication for, he pretends he is a builder, he has an imaginary fiance, imaginary flat, imaginary job and 3 imaginary cats....

    but he knows, admits and is proud of the fact they are imaginary and openly talks about them.

    I find it really awkward because he keeps asking me to play with his cats and i obviously can't see them, he asked me if he could have some dinner with me so i agreed and he asked me to plate some up for his imaginary fiance. He invited his imaginary friends to a BBQ of mine and got upset that i wasn't talking to them or wasn't replying or replying with the wrong answers or if i didn't answer (because they aren't asking anything, because they aren't there).

    Rain, sun or shine- whenever i open my side door or front door he calls me and starts talking to me, literally every time, or even a window. When we do talk he repeats himself, doesn't talk to me, more at me. He keeps talking about his dads death but then says he hates talking about it. Everything he eats he throws it back up and for the last 12 months we have had the exact same repeated conversation again and again and again.

    Sometimes i'll go outside and he'll be sat in my garden playing imaginary football games because apparently he doesn't have enough room in his, he keeps breaking things and moving things.

    He is obsessing over me sitting in my garden with him, always invites himself over for tea, keeps asking for alcohol (he's only allowed one can of mild beer- i do not drink alcohol), but he is allowed it,

    he watches me through the gaps in the fence for as long as 4 hours at a time- ignores me if i speak to him and even sometimes gives a running commentary of what i'm doing- talking to himself eg....

    '***** look she's gardening, now she's walking over there. What is she doing, oh she's bending over, look she's tying her hair up' which obviously makes me uncomfortable. and if i'm in the front garden he leans over the hedges, extremely obviously, to watch me. The last time he was over, he came at around 10am whilst i was doing some gardening, he asked if he could sit with me so i said i could sit with him for one hour, after 3 hours he then said he was going to stay until 11pm then he had to go to bed, i said i had to go in and then he sat in my garden waiting for me to come back out until 11pm, i told him numerous amounts i wasn't coming back out and he simply replied 'Oh, i'll just wait here for you...until you come back out' but he says it really kindly,not aggressively, like he's abit slow. I don't have any more information but i would like to know what he has so i am able to talk to him less uncomfortably because his mum pretty much just lets him walk into my house.

    It sounds horrid but i haven't left the house for days because i just know he's there, i can't wear a bikini or invite friends over because he literally talks 100 mile an hour none stop, talks over everybody and raises his voice over their's. He doesn't let anybody respond to him, it's like he is reciting a book at full volume from 10am-11pm, whether anyone is there or listening or not. He will not leave unless he wants to and he stands out in the pouring down rain,sleet and snow. His mum just ignores the situation.I know the last neighbor got fed up of him following her to the shops and down town so she gave him a bottle of vodka and then he wasn't allowed to go back, his mum banned him. I've spoke to her and she says to send him back to home but he doesn't listen. she then replied 'well i can't just cage him up', he climbs over my locked 8ft side gate..... it's like having a stalker but he can't help it and the police won't get involved because of his disability. I'm angry and upset at the same time.
    Scary. I'd move out.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by GreekTea)
    Last year i moved house and my neighbor has some form of 'mental' disability. I know he is 28 years old currently, i know he's not allowed to drink energy drinks or have caffeine, he's not allowed to eat pork but is not religious.

    He has a weird obsession with baseball caps and WILL NOT leave the house without one but his mum has now banned him from wearing them. He is in his garden 90% of the time and 'plays pretend' which he apparently takes medication for, he pretends he is a builder, he has an imaginary fiance, imaginary flat, imaginary job and 3 imaginary cats....

    but he knows, admits and is proud of the fact they are imaginary and openly talks about them.

    I find it really awkward because he keeps asking me to play with his cats and i obviously can't see them, he asked me if he could have some dinner with me so i agreed and he asked me to plate some up for his imaginary fiance. He invited his imaginary friends to a BBQ of mine and got upset that i wasn't talking to them or wasn't replying or replying with the wrong answers or if i didn't answer (because they aren't asking anything, because they aren't there).

    Rain, sun or shine- whenever i open my side door or front door he calls me and starts talking to me, literally every time, or even a window. When we do talk he repeats himself, doesn't talk to me, more at me. He keeps talking about his dads death but then says he hates talking about it. Everything he eats he throws it back up and for the last 12 months we have had the exact same repeated conversation again and again and again.

    Sometimes i'll go outside and he'll be sat in my garden playing imaginary football games because apparently he doesn't have enough room in his, he keeps breaking things and moving things.

    He is obsessing over me sitting in my garden with him, always invites himself over for tea, keeps asking for alcohol (he's only allowed one can of mild beer- i do not drink alcohol), but he is allowed it,

    he watches me through the gaps in the fence for as long as 4 hours at a time- ignores me if i speak to him and even sometimes gives a running commentary of what i'm doing- talking to himself eg....

    '***** look she's gardening, now she's walking over there. What is she doing, oh she's bending over, look she's tying her hair up' which obviously makes me uncomfortable. and if i'm in the front garden he leans over the hedges, extremely obviously, to watch me. The last time he was over, he came at around 10am whilst i was doing some gardening, he asked if he could sit with me so i said i could sit with him for one hour, after 3 hours he then said he was going to stay until 11pm then he had to go to bed, i said i had to go in and then he sat in my garden waiting for me to come back out until 11pm, i told him numerous amounts i wasn't coming back out and he simply replied 'Oh, i'll just wait here for you...until you come back out' but he says it really kindly,not aggressively, like he's abit slow. I don't have any more information but i would like to know what he has so i am able to talk to him less uncomfortably because his mum pretty much just lets him walk into my house.

    It sounds horrid but i haven't left the house for days because i just know he's there, i can't wear a bikini or invite friends over because he literally talks 100 mile an hour none stop, talks over everybody and raises his voice over their's. He doesn't let anybody respond to him, it's like he is reciting a book at full volume from 10am-11pm, whether anyone is there or listening or not. He will not leave unless he wants to and he stands out in the pouring down rain,sleet and snow. His mum just ignores the situation.I know the last neighbor got fed up of him following her to the shops and down town so she gave him a bottle of vodka and then he wasn't allowed to go back, his mum banned him. I've spoke to her and she says to send him back to home but he doesn't listen. she then replied 'well i can't just cage him up', he climbs over my locked 8ft side gate..... it's like having a stalker but he can't help it and the police won't get involved because of his disability. I'm angry and upset at the same time.
    It might be, severe autism, but then again I've known people severly on the autistic spectrum and usually they aren't interested in social interaction at all so this case is very odd. It might be a mental health problem which is different from autism
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I've not a lot of experience with Autism, but I did work in a school for Autism last year. Whilst some behaviours do seem consistent with autism, it's impossible to say for certain. Every person with autism is different, and everyone behaves in a unique way. I never found two autistic individuals who were the same.

    It could well be autism, along with something else. But what's for certain is like another says, he is not being managed appropriately. It is not right that he is behaving like this, and his mum ignoring him is wrong. He would be much better off in a centre where people are better equipped and experienced to care for him. I honestly think he'd be happier there. Or at least in supported living.

    I've no idea what to recommend. But I do really feel that he should be recieving more professional help than he currently is :unsure:

    And I really do feel for you in this situation. It's not fair that this has affected your life so much, you are just the neighbour.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    if it's a spectrum disorder then it's obviously mismanaged or not managed at all, a 28 year old shouldn't still be acting like a 12 year old

    Another thing to add: I think his mother has a lot to answer for why he is 28 and still acting this way. Where have the social services been all this time? If she couldn't spot the weird behaviours when he was young then why weren't they spotted at all throughout his education?
    When i first moved in she claimed he had the mind of a 7 year old, which led me to believe it was Autism due to what a university colleague had said about her autistic cousin. His 'mother' adopted him when he was around 7 and he just doesn't seem to have grown up. There always seems to be health workers at their house but he never interacts with them, only his mother....He has regular hospital updates and takes medication but i'm just so annoyed with it now but i know he can't help it. The last woman who lived here moved out but that just isn't adoption for me. It is an unusual situation because his mother is not only his adoptive mother, rather than biological,but she also has 4 40-50 year old sons and she looks 70-80 herself. It's hard to comment on the situation with her being elderly, i feel bad complaining. Really, i think he should be in his brothers care (adoptive), because she won't live long, she's ill herself. She obviously loves him to pieces to have him live there.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AngryRedhead)
    It might be, severe autism, but then again I've known people severly on the autistic spectrum and usually they aren't interested in social interaction at all so this case is very odd. It might be a mental health problem which is different from autism
    That's what i'm hoping to find out, as his mother is elderly, i very rarely see her so haven't had time to discuss it with her other than a few occasions when she's been very ill or tired.

    I just guessed at autism after a comment made to me at university.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AngryRedhead)
    It might be, severe autism, but then again I've known people severly on the autistic spectrum and usually they aren't interested in social interaction at all so this case is very odd. It might be a mental health problem which is different from autism
    Well that's the thing, he doesn't talk to me, not really at me, he just likes to talk in my presence if that makes sense, in my garden or in my house- he does shout and swear alot in his garden when playing pretend football matches but other than that he's quiet as a mouse.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Some of the obsessional things are autistic in flavor, but a lot of the other stuff is not necessarily. Of course, an autistic childhood with some other illness or trauma could have contributed to the really wacky stuff.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by GreekTea)
    That's what i'm hoping to find out, as his mother is elderly, i very rarely see her so haven't had time to discuss it with her other than a few occasions when she's been very ill or tired.

    I just guessed at autism after a comment made to me at university.
    (Original post by GreekTea)
    Well that's the thing, he doesn't talk to me, not really at me, he just likes to talk in my presence if that makes sense, in my garden or in my house- he does shout and swear alot in his garden when playing pretend football matches but other than that he's quiet as a mouse.
    It's possible he has autism, having obessions and not understanding social rules of conduct are one of the hallmarks of an individual on the autistic spectrum (I'm an aspie myelf)

    He might not understand that what he's doing is offensive or upsetting to you. The thing about people on the autistic spectrum is that you have to be very straightfoward and upfront with him, they don't get subtle clues like body language and voice tones. You have to tell them that what they're doing is wrong and upsetting. Have you told him this? Ideally it should be his mothers job but it looks like she's failing on this front to properly socialise him
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AngryRedhead)
    It's possible he has autism, having obessions and not understanding social rules of conduct are one of the hallmarks of an individual on the autistic spectrum (I'm an aspie myelf)

    He might not understand that what he's doing is offensive or upsetting to you. The thing about people on the autistic spectrum is that you have to be very straightfoward and upfront with him, they don't get subtle clues like body language and voice tones. You have to tell them that what they're doing is wrong and upsetting. Have you told him this? Ideally it should be his mothers job but it looks like she's failing on this front to properly socialise him
    I could never do that, he's so lovely but it really has been every day for just over a year. I can't even understand how he can memorize the conversation, that's what i meant when i said it was like he was reciting a book- its exact word for word every time, he doesn't need an answer sometimes, he just talks. My mum once started crying in my garden and it made him cry which i thought was odd, then he ran off and he didn't speak to me for a month- that's why i only classed it as 1 year because i didn't see him then.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    That's so creepy, yet I feel guilty for saying that because it's not his fault. Few doors down we have an autistic guy in his mid-20's and he does some of the things you mention too. How does he just let himself into your house though?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    This is actually really disturbing.... I would be living in constant fear and anxiety if I were you and would probably move out
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by GreekTea)
    I could never do that, he's so lovely but it really has been every day for just over a year. I can't even understand how he can memorize the conversation, that's what i meant when i said it was like he was reciting a book- its exact word for word every time, he doesn't need an answer sometimes, he just talks. My mum once started crying in my garden and it made him cry which i thought was odd, then he ran off and he didn't speak to me for a month- that's why i only classed it as 1 year because i didn't see him then.
    Hmmm... I think tbh you should have an honest, frank conversation with his mum about how his actions are making you feel. I don't think he's dangerous or means you any harm, he just sounds a little bit over-enthusiastic to me. Like I said, he might not realise he's upsetting you. He obviously likes you so you already have an advantage of sorts.

    However I agree with posters above when they say whatever it is he's got, he isn't being managed properly. It's possible that his mum needs carers, both to look after her and to watch him. Outside help is clearly needed in this situation. I'm not really sure on what to advise further, maybe contact social services or the citizens advice bureau? It's a tricky one.
    • #1
    #1

    I've had quite a bit of experience with those with autism and it's pretty impossible to say. It could be autism, it might not be. It could be autism and something else alongside it. It sounds somewhat mismanaged, and I know how you feel. If you feel unsafe, or that it's really becoming an issue then call the police when he's trespassing again. Once they have to deal with it, they should hopefully understand. If his condition is being very much mismanaged as well, they'll be able to get social services involved to help him. Other than that, you just have to be very direct and tell him that you don't want him to watch you and you don't want him to come over to your garden unless you ask him to, because it upsets you and you don't always have the time.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Some good information here on autism. But don't try amateur diagnosis - try talking to his mum as calmly, honestly and reasonably as possible.
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    [QUOTE=. My mum once started crying in my garden and it made him cry which i thought was odd, then he ran off and he didn't speak to me for a month- that's why i only classed it as 1 year because i didn't see him then.[/QUOTE] A lot of people with autism would not realise that it wasnt their fault that your mum was upset and they think and would think that they are in trouble if they were to see you or your mum. i personally get upset every time others are upset cause i cant figure out what ive done wrong, even though its often nothing to do with me
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by GreekTea)
    That's what i'm hoping to find out, as his mother is elderly, i very rarely see her so haven't had time to discuss it with her other than a few occasions when she's been very ill or tired.

    I just guessed at autism after a comment made to me at university.
    You should read up more about autism first. It's a spectrum disorder so what you're colleague told you is a very narrow view of it. Autism isn't just a disorder which makes people "slow," it can actually have the complete opposite effect as well. Asperger's syndrome, now more commonly called high-functioning autism, causes insanely high IQ as well as the anxiety problems, sensory issues and lack of social skills. To give you an idea of the kind of intelligence I mean, my mum's colleague is currently working with a 6 year old who has an IQ of 170. That's 1 point higher than Einstein's. He taught himself to read and write at the age of 2 and he's currently out of school because they simply can't teach him anything. It's even been predicted that he'll be ready for uni by the age of 10.

    I also know an 18 year old with low-functioning autism who displays the same behaviors as the guy you've described. He's always off in his own imaginary world in which he's a superhero who goes around saving everyone. He's got a serious crush on me as well, so now I'm always there in his imaginary world as a superhero who fights alongside him. The guy you've described sounds just like him so it's possible he also has low-functioning autism.

    As the others said above, it's likely that he's got no concept of his actions being annoying to others, the guy I know certainly doesn't. I'd be happy to tell you more about it if you want. I'm actually Aspergic myself, though my IQ is no where near that 6 year old's.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Peroxidation)
    You should read up more about autism first. It's a spectrum disorder so what you're colleague told you is a very narrow view of it. Autism isn't just a disorder which makes people "slow," it can actually have the complete opposite effect as well. Asperger's syndrome, now more commonly called high-functioning autism, causes insanely high IQ as well as the anxiety problems, sensory issues and lack of social skills. To give you an idea of the kind of intelligence I mean, my mum's colleague is currently working with a 6 year old who has an IQ of 170. That's 1 point higher than Einstein's. He taught himself to read and write at the age of 2 and he's currently out of school because they simply can't teach him anything. It's even been predicted that he'll be ready for uni by the age of 10.

    I also know an 18 year old with low-functioning autism who displays the same behaviors as the guy you've described. He's always off in his own imaginary world in which he's a superhero who goes around saving everyone. He's got a serious crush on me as well, so now I'm always there in his imaginary world as a superhero who fights alongside him. The guy you've described sounds just like him so it's possible he also has low-functioning autism.

    As the others said above, it's likely that he's got no concept of his actions being annoying to others, the guy I know certainly doesn't. I'd be happy to tell you more about it if you want. I'm actually Aspergic myself, though my IQ is no where near that 6 year old's.
    HFA and Aspergers are two different diagnoses.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    One thing that often happens on the spectrum is that people are so overwhelmed with sensory data that they look for ways to control it. Some of that is watching the same videos over and over again, or becoming experts on, say, the parts catalogue of the '57 Corvette.

    In social settings, you might be doing a favor by letting him know what the rules are. Not in a nasty way, but just saying "It's 5 o'clock now so it's time for me to have friends over and for you to go home to your own garden." Or, "No-one here understands your imaginary friends so you'll have to ask the questions for them. We're not trying to be mean-- you just need to help them out."

    Once he gets a few procedures and limits under his belt, he may be more comfortable. If he's basically friendly and non-violent, it shouldn't be hard to remind him about that (or tell him when you're cutting him slack if he misses one). You're not being harsh (I hope)-- you're letting him know how his life can be easier and more predictable.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 11, 2016
Poll
“Yanny” or “Laurel”

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.