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Can I keep him as a friend?

So way back last year in say July ish I got cast in a show [Romeo and Juliet, ironically], not as the lead thank god [I would have been suicidal learning those lines and A-Levels] but as Rosaline. And, of course, Romeo was involved. So time past and we started rehearsing in August/September and all was fine, well, I felt lonely at rehearsals as there was a shortage of girls to talk to so I just carried on... But, the end September marked my 18th birthday, his was 2 days before mine and he posted the standard 'Happy Birthday' on my wall... but we got talking for 200 messages, over the course of two days and casually kept talking for a while till the show in October, where we had the idea that [well by this point he was pretty much keeping me up till 2am talking] we would 'pretend' to date, and would talk about our tactics, just to prank everyone... I think at this point I was a bit bored and wanted a prank because I had literally no lines and no one to talk to. But... the after party happened and it was rumoured from his friend that he would possibly be asking me out... He did... I thought he was so drunk he wouldn't remember [ah ha my lack of alcoholic experience showing], so I said 'haha yeah' and we were dating the Wednesday the next week, which was half term. Tuesday I had managed to hang out with him at his house, offering to ensure he was working on his script. [no sex, a bit of kissing/hugging]. Then Wednesday I was being 'passionately' [as he said] kissed under the stars. Thursday, at his house, was where it became evident I was a virgin as the kissing wanted to escalate. It felt unusual because a force became apparent and I felt that rape could possibly occur [I know, I know, but it felt weird and to be ultimately honest he didn't sexually attract me]. So yeah we separated and he confessed that when he auditioned, he had had stopped seeing his therapist about his schizophrenia for two weeks. I had no idea what to say, just that there was a reason for the force earlier... But I still did not feel crazy for him, yes I smiled a lot and found him funny and that, but I think he was just a filler because I was perhaps feeling lonely from not just the school but also school- which was just revision focussed.

It's now July and well, since then we have had the occasional conversation via messenger. We had our first argument in November, where we met at auditions for another show and he blatantly ignored me infront of a bunch of strangers, whom he was pally with and did not even say hi, only 'sit on my lap' jokily, which I didn't. [Yes I had deliberately looked good for the audition panel, not him, which he may have not figured]. So then we had an argument and I just yeah, as he did later admit to blatantly ignoring me after a little while of pleasant correspondence.

On and off conversations occured. [One drunk conversation where I admitted I loved him 'rather rapturously', very funny, called him 24 times and he found it funny thank god... but I think he was secretly a tiny bit irritated]. I was his first person to say happy new year too... I returned it at 8pm during the day and he didn't mind haha. He then flipped out at me, as I had been feeling a bit like he would start a conversation with me, then give up to talk to his friends, whilst he was still apparently online. - 'we speak online alot and honestly everytime I am not on the ball you attack me or berate me...' and how 'thank god we're over because we would've been an awful couple'. So on January 2nd I told him to never speak to me ever again as it kicked in I was talking to someone who could have raped me and I don't think that's a smart web to be within.

So now it's July and 2 weeks ago I drunkenly texted him saying 'WANNA GET DRUNK' as I had hit depressed drunk and long story short, yes it was a funny conversation, but his slow, short replies and overall tone suggested that he was not really sure what to do and he did keep bringing up 'you told me never to speak to you again :smile:

'... so he had stuck to it and I ended the conversation [the next morning] saying there was a valid reason for that decision and I wish for that to stand and he agreed.
But now I have no idea what to do as he keeps cropping back into my mind and perhaps as I'm in a show where I do have to be in love, the memories keep coming back and I think him as a friend is cool, but I think that's the loneliness talking as I've had an expensive drama foundation course offer, [which I'm not sure I can afford to go on] and everyone's separating to uni/holiday... and I'm also in a show and I kind of want him to come but I kind of don't... What do I do from this point onwards as I know this show will end in 2 weeks and I'll be back to feeling lonely

Reply 1

guilbert

I don't entirely follow the potential rape thing - it sounds like he wanted to escalate things which you were uncomfortable with, which is fine but doesn't make him a potential rapist. I wasn't there of course though...

It's understandable that he's a bit confused if you told him not to contact you any more and then made contact yourself.

I don't think you're ever going to be just friends and I don't think you're going to be able to have a healthy relationship either - I suggest it is in both your best interests if you keep away from each other.