He keeps standing me up?

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TheReckless
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Report Thread starter 5 years ago
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So I've been dating this guy for 7 now (short-term, I know).
At the beginning, things were great. Even though I was always the one suggesting we'd meet up, he'd be more than happy to come and never cancelled.
But after about one month, he became super flaky. He started bailing on me, coming up with all sorts of excuses as to why he couldn't come.
I understand some of the reasons why - I'm aware that inevitably life will sometimes get in the way - but 9/10 whenever we plan to do something he bails.
We live about 20 minutes from each other, and yet I only get to see him one afternoon a week, if that. He's ADAMANT that I can't go to his flat; whenever I bring up the possibility of me coming to see him, he always says "No." Whenever I ask him why he tells me I ask too much questions and then he gets pissed off.
Last week we decided to go to the park and just chill there for the day. I got there at the arranged time and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
I finally called him and he said, no lie "I'm so sorry baby, something came up, I can't make it." When I asked why he didn't call me, he said "I ran out of credit, I said I'm sorry, stop with the attitude."
Later on he told me he wanted to make it up to me by coming out with me today.We made plans to meet again at the same park, same time. I double checked last night to see if he was still up for it and he was.
And yet, he's bailed on me AGAIN. I was all ready and stuff and called him to ask whether he was still up for today, and he said:"No."No apology, nothing like that. I asked why and he said something came up before he said he had to go.

I'm honestly so frustrated at this moment. Believe it or not, he's such a nice guy besides the flakiness, and whenever we do get the chance to meet he's so nice to be around. But I can't stand that he's always bailing on me.

ALSO: he has no job, and is literally doing nothing with his time at the mo, whereas I have a job and I babysit 4 times a week on the side, yet I feel like I'm hounding him to just spend time with him.


What the hell can I do?
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thecatwithnohat
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Report 5 years ago
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(Original post by TheReckless)
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Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through quite a rough patch at the moment in regards to your boyfriend. An important thing in relationships is that you are open to each other, so it certainly is a bit bizarre why he won't give you a simple explanation as to why you can't come over to him, and doesn't go into much detail about why he can't come to you.

I do have a question, though. Are you both exclusive, on both sides? Like have you met people he knows and he met those you know and they're fully aware that you're dating and everything? Do you ever get a gut instinct that something isn't right, or things just don't make sense?

I can't advise you to speak to him about it because it's clear that he gets easily agitated about things that could spark curiosity i.e. him bailing on you, and he seems to turn the blame on you e.g. "stop asking too many questions". This bailing is consistent, too, and you've confronted him about it once and he refuses to talk about it. Perhaps send him a full paragraph on how you feel, and then leave him the space to properly explain himself - no ifs, not buts - because he is not worth your full attention if he doesn't give you his all in return.
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