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    i'm just calling it depression although it's not diagnosed. i fit so many of the symptoms. yes i know it could be something else but it's definitely not nothing so for the sake of ease i'm calling it depression.

    i always feel at best like crap, at worst nothing at all, but random things trigger really bad patches, and it's never anything at all big. the other day i finished a great book i was reading, and immediately i could feel all the crap come rushing back. when this happens i feel totally detached and dont want to do anything at all. it's always on my mind at every point and i even consider....doing something stupid and irreversible. if you get what i mean.

    now that that phase is over, i'm so desperate for the depression itself to clear off. i'm sick of it and worried i'm going to act on my thoughts in a really bad patch. i so desperately want to be happy again and haven't been for 4 years.

    i've tried on three separate occasions in the last year to tell my doctor, but each time i've chickened out and made up some other ailment. i go to say it, but the words physically will not come out. it's so hard. and nobody else in the world knows either.

    so for now, i need some things to help me. natural things that help depression. i'm all ears, i'll try anything. i just want to be me again

    -leaving the house even for a few minutes' walk
    -talking to people about it (strangely you'll find more sympathisers online than in real life)

    They'll tell you that you're not alone, and that they're always looking out for you (even if they can't physically be there for you). Then you'll be brave enough to leave the house for longer, and do things you used to enjoy

    As much as you don't want tot hear this but the best thing you can do with the best chances of helping is go to the doctors, like you said it's undiagnosed so you may find that it could be other things such as SAD. I know how hard it is but you need to tell someone professional as only they can truly give you the help that you need. It might be scary at first but you'll be glad you did it.

    Kittens or puppies.

    Seriously, you need to tell a professional. Maybe write a letter and hand it over if you're struggling to say the words. Maybe show them what you wrote here.

    You'll get through this 😀
    • Peer Support Volunteers

    Peer Support Volunteers
    It could also be dysthymia. You should really try to tell your GP. Or maybe go to a local charity and see what services they offer ie Mind?

    I understand how hard it can be to talk to a doctor about how you are feeling. Sometimes it is hard to just get those words out. There are a few things that you could try which might help get the consultation started if you want to go down the route of seeing doctors (which if this has been going on for a long time seems like a sensible thing to do). One option would be to write down what you are feeling and then when you get there say that you have written down what you want to talk about and hand it too them. They should then be able to take the consultation from there. Another option would be to when you book ask the receptionist (or put it in yourself if you are making an ebooking) that you want to talk about your mood. That way the doctor will have that on record and will be able to bring it up if you can't.

    If you want to try things that you can do to try and improve your mood without seeing a doctor there are a couple of things that might help. Regular exercise and improving the quality of your diet can sometimes lift your mood and also give you more energy. Making sure that you are getting enough sleep. There are a couple of online CBT (a type of psychological therapy) tools that you can work through online if you wanted to.

    St Johns Wort
    Good food
    Finding something to put time into like a new hobby

    Of course if it is severe depression you should see a doctor. Those are just ideas.
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