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    Hello, I'm a university student and my girlfriend graduated this year. We both share a room at the moment. ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________ I feel really lonely and depressed. I can't talk to my girlfriend about it because she gets angry at me and threatens to leave me. I haven't been able to talk to friends or family about my relationship problems in the past either because she would get angry about that too because it's disrespectful. Although she's changed her mind on that today when I asked her. But I don't have many people I'm close to and at this point I feel too depressed/anxious to talk to anyone I know which is why I'm on here. (there is one friend I've talked about my relationship to and she always tells me I should break up with her and I think she's fed up of hearing about it now). There's quite a lot but I'm just going to summarise and leave out most of it.
    ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________ The thing thats bugging me at this moment. My girlfriend has had some fairly bad drug/alcohol addiction problems and I also ended up getting dragged into it a bit and I think my health has suffered because of it.
    ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________ For the past two-three months I've been helping her with it and always putting her before myself and have been really patient. I even find her scary a lot of the time when she's drunk and it can make me anxious because she can be unpredictable and sometimes violent, and then she doesn't remember in the morning. I've given her so many chances when she's done horrible stuff to me. She's also given me chances when I've been bad tempered about the things she's done that upset me. But whats happened recently this past month I just find really horrible.
    ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________ I went back to visit my parents and she asked me if I wanted to go on holiday but I said I couldn't afford it and to wait until I get back. Then the night before I was to get back to our house she booked a holiday with everyone in the house without telling me. She said that she tried to call/message me but I had no missed calls or facebook messages about it.
    ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________ I spent the week with my parents gathering camping equipment for us and getting her birthday presents and was really excited to finally get her out of the house (because she had decided to quit taking drugs so we could do things together again. She spent the past two months being hungover in bed while I was waiting for her to finish basically). We'd planned on going camping for quite a while and she knew I was gathering the things for us. But when I came back to see her and gave her a hug in bed thats when I found out she was going to Tenerife for a week with all of our housemates. My heart just sank and I had to go back downstairs and I didn't know what to do with myself for a bit. My parents were there and I started walking to Asda with them then halfway I had to go back to the house with them and I started crying. To be honest I've never gone crying to my parents (we're not even close) over a girl until I met my current girlfriend but it's the second time now. I just feel like I get disappointed by her so much and it gets harder every time. Because now I'd have to wait another two weeks before we could start being a proper couple again that go out and do things together. We had an argument about it and she wasn't happy that I was upset. She always says it's wrong that I make her feel guilty and that it makes her want to leave me. So then when everyone in the house left for a week I spent basically the whole week cleaning the house so it would be nice for when she arrived back (hasn't lasted long though cus my housemates are pretty messy).
    ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________ She came back on Saturday 6am. We ended up agreeing that we could do whatever I wanted for the week and she said she would hand out CVs on Monday and we'd both get jobs so we could be a normal couple. We'd talked over this alot, that we could do what I wanted for the week. So on Sunday we went exploring in the countryside to find a camping spot which was great. Then Monday we went rock climbing. And then over the next few days we were supposed to go camping. But when we got back from rock climbing she got her laptop out to book train tickets to see her parents. She showed me and asked me to pick Wednesday or Thursday for when she leaves so I said Thursday so we'd have more time together.
    ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________ What I didn't realise because I was tired and not thinking properly was that the dates were for this week. I just assumed they were next week because we already agreed we were doing what I wanted that week and that we'd both start looking for jobs on Monday. So later on when we were talking about it and I realised and that she'd be gone for another week and that the 'week' where we'd finally get to do things together was cut short to basically 3 days. I just went upstairs so I could be on my own and cry. I made a conscious effort not to have a go at her about it because I knew she'd talk about leaving me again. She was asking me about it but I was just too tired and upset to put things into words at the time. I spent the whole night moping about it and didn't sleep. And she slept downstairs on the sofa. We talked about it in the morning and to cut it short she said she wants to get away from me and go to Leeds for the week and she may or may not stay with me. She's coming back in a week. It's just that things like that happen again and again and again and it's really hard to deal with the disappointment all the time.
    ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________ I've made her sound really bad but when we're not having these problems and in the few times I've managed to get her out of the house so we can have a normal relationship she's been really lovely. And when we first met I was really lonely and depressed and she helped me a lot and was really nice to me. I just think that the past two to three months she's been struggling with her own problems and has been thinking about herself mostly. Which has left me in a bad position. I just still have some hope that it will go back to how it was the first few months when we met. She says she knows she can be horrible and is trying to work on it and she does get me presents and we cook food together and things like that.
    ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________ But I have had mood swings when I think about some of the nasty stuff she's done which she finds difficult. One of the things she always says to me is that when she's not with me she always enjoys herself and when she's with me she doesn't. But I don't think she takes into account that it's because when she's been with me the majority of the time she just spent it getting high or being hungover in bed eating crap food. While I have to take care of her (even when I'm ill myself). But the rare times I've actually managed to get her out we've both had a lot of fun. I just don't get that chance very often. I'm finding it difficult to cope at the moment though I just need advice. I feel depressed, anxious and lonely. It's difficult to eat at the moment because I always get this constant feeling of wanting to throw up when I get depressed.
    ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________

    Edit: didnt know how to stop it being a block of text. Pressing enter isn't working.
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    Hello,
    It sounds like you're in an bad relationship to me. A relationship in my opinion is supposed to be mutually beneficial, this means that both people are supposed to benefit. By looks of it, as the relationship is making you depressed and even cry, this is not case. Another part of a good relationship is that both people can talk about their feelings without the other member getting angry, this also isn't the case. What I recommend you do as you obviously love your girlfriend, is to wait a little while to see if the relationship can heal on its own. If it doesn't then it's time to talk about your depression to her. If she doesn't help you or gets angry at you like you said she would. Then it's time to end the relationship as it's going to have a long lasting negative effect on your mental health and therefore your university life and possibly your grade in whatever you're doing. I know I might sound like your Dad now, but that grade will stay with you forever. Your girlfriend clearly won't.

    Best of luck with your relationship.
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    (Original post by Edward12345)
    Hello,
    It sounds like you're in an bad relationship to me. A relationship in my opinion is supposed to be mutually beneficial, this means that both people are supposed to benefit. By looks of it, as the relationship is making you depressed and even cry, this is not case. Another part of a good relationship is that both people can talk about their feelings without the other member getting angry, this also isn't the case. What I recommend you do as you obviously love your girlfriend, is to wait a little while to see if the relationship can heal on its own. If it doesn't then it's time to talk about your depression to her. If she doesn't help you or gets angry at you like you said she would. Then it's time to end the relationship as it's going to have a long lasting negative effect on your mental health and therefore your university life and possibly your grade in whatever you're doing. I know I might sound like your Dad now, but that grade will stay with you forever. Your girlfriend clearly won't.

    Best of luck with your relationship.
    Thanks for the reply. Ye I think maybe if I can try to forget about it for a bit while she's away and try to focus on other things like studying to take the relationship off my mind that might help.
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    If you two can't work it out together and try to fix what's wrong, you really need a break from this relationship.
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    you need to leave the relationship full stop, its easier said than done i know but thats the ultimate outcome of an atrocious relationship like the one youre in, im sorry youve had to go through this but its so obvious this isnt working
 
 
 
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