The Student Room Group

Nobody cares no more

Hey,

I don't know what to do no more, it would seem all my friends seem to have given up on me. It's like I am always there for them, but when I need a bit of support - nobody is there.

I am sitting alone in my bedroom and I just can't see the point of anything is no more. I am at the end of my tether with everythings, and now it would seem that cutting and alcohol are my saviours. I actually can't stop crying and have started taking painkillers, and I know that none of my friends wnt to know - it would seem they can't cope with my mental health problems.

I am lost, sorry not sure why I am posting but just having some sort of outlet is a help.

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firstly dont hurt yourself, I know it may help but its not a good coping mechanism. (lol not that i can talk!) Can you talk to your parents? a counsellor? anyone, its better than bottling everything up and dealing with it all yourself. If your friends are treating you like **** then get away from them. But maybe you just think they're not there for you, but they are. Have you ever asked for support? im sure (if theyre proper friends) they'll be happy to help.
Agreed cutting yourself and turning to alcohol will not make your problems go away but in fact make them much worse for you.
Reply 3
They have helped me in the past, but I have had the same problems for 5 years and to be honest, I think they think that I should be 'okay' now.

I wish I could talk to my shrink or something, but I have no direct way of contacting her unfortunately. My parents are even worse than my friends, can't talk to them at all. I am trying to avoid the alcohol, just having some Irn Bru just now, trying to keep myself calm but not sure how long it will last :frown:
Sigh.

It's sad to see people reduced to this. And I know what you're going through. My friends have more or less abandoned me over the last couple of years... sadly, some people just can't handle the thought of other people having **** lives. Of course it's easy to look at them from your position and say that their support would cost nothing relative to your suffering, but that's not what they're used to. They simply can't play the older sibling role and be a shoulder to cry on rather than a friend... it's not in their genes or their upbringing. Friends are for going out and having a laugh with, and not for serious "I-might-just-kill-myself-tonight" issues. This is how they see everything, of course - it's not the reality, but you can't make them think any differently.

Hurting yourself won't help you at all. Self-harm is an addiction, granted, but it certainly doesn't make you feel better, it just makes you feel worthless and unable to respond to anything bad in your life without hurting yourself. You don't want to go down that road, trust me. Alcohol... well, I'd be a hypocrite if I said alcohol didn't help. Sometimes I've been depressed as hell for a few days and just got drunk one night and felt great. Difference is, I know when to stop - I'm lucky like that. I'd never get hooked on alcohol because I know how dangerous it really is. If alcohol seems to be the only thing that makes you feel good then the danger is that you will start drinking it every night, leading to alcoholism, leading to more problems and an addiction that you just can't shake. So again... I wouldn't bother.

If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me or any of the other people on this forum who have suffered from depression - there's plenty of people with it in their sigs. Or you could go and have a look at the depression society and just talk your problems through with people who'll listen - click 'my societies' above my post and there's a link straight to it. I'm aware it's not a perfect solution, nor is it really a temporary solution, but it does feel good to get it out of your system sometimes. Maybe it'll help you think straight long enough to see what the problems are in your life and try to sort them out one way or another, whether that be by making more friends or getting a job or simply getting in touch with some old friends... in the end, if your friends don't like being with you because you're depressed, maybe there's some underlying issue you need to sort out before you go and make more friends.

If none of this sounds like something you want to do, go and talk to your GP, who will refer you to a counsellor. These are professionals and although they can't fix your life for you, they can advise you on what to do and they act as a completely confidential buffer between you and the real world. Again, sometimes just talking really helps. If all else fails they can prescribe you antidepressants which, while they shouldn't be a permanent measure, should put you back on track for long enough to be able to sort out the things in your life that are depressing you before coming back off the drugs to a new, improved life. Breaking the vicious circle.

Either way, don't fight it alone. There are plenty of people who know exactly what you've gone through and what you're going through and we're all happy to help. :smile:

Hope this helps. :smile:
Hollz
They have helped me in the past, but I have had the same problems for 5 years and to be honest, I think they think that I should be 'okay' now.

I wish I could talk to my shrink or something, but I have no direct way of contacting her unfortunately. My parents are even worse than my friends, can't talk to them at all. I am trying to avoid the alcohol, just having some Irn Bru just now, trying to keep myself calm but not sure how long it will last :frown:

If you've had problems for the past 5 yrs I honestly dont think your 'friends' are able to help you through them. And I know it's tough being on your own, but you just have to be strong. Use the net as a way of connecting with people with similar problems. And the alcohol? its a band-aid solution. Once it wears off your problems will still be there...
Reply 6
generalebriety
Sigh.

It's sad to see people reduced to this. And I know what you're going through. My friends have more or less abandoned me over the last couple of years... sadly, some people just can't handle the thought of other people having **** lives. Of course it's easy to look at them from your position and say that their support would cost nothing relative to your suffering, but that's not what they're used to. They simply can't play the older sibling role and be a shoulder to cry on rather than a friend... it's not in their genes or their upbringing. Friends are for going out and having a laugh with, and not for serious "I-might-just-kill-myself-tonight" issues. This is how they see everything, of course - it's not the reality, but you can't make them think any differently.

Hurting yourself won't help you at all. Self-harm is an addiction, granted, but it certainly doesn't make you feel better, it just makes you feel worthless and unable to respond to anything bad in your life without hurting yourself. You don't want to go down that road, trust me. Alcohol... well, I'd be a hypocrite if I said alcohol didn't help. Sometimes I've been depressed as hell for a few days and just got drunk one night and felt great. Difference is, I know when to stop - I'm lucky like that. I'd never get hooked on alcohol because I know how dangerous it really is. If alcohol seems to be the only thing that makes you feel good then the danger is that you will start drinking it every night, leading to alcoholism, leading to more problems and an addiction that you just can't shake. So again... I wouldn't bother.

If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me or any of the other people on this forum who have suffered from depression - there's plenty of people with it in their sigs. Or you could go and have a look at the depression society and just talk your problems through with people who'll listen - click 'my societies' above my post and there's a link straight to it. I'm aware it's not a perfect solution, nor is it really a temporary solution, but it does feel good to get it out of your system sometimes. Maybe it'll help you think straight long enough to see what the problems are in your life and try to sort them out one way or another, whether that be by making more friends or getting a job or simply getting in touch with some old friends... in the end, if your friends don't like being with you because you're depressed, maybe there's some underlying issue you need to sort out before you go and make more friends.

If none of this sounds like something you want to do, go and talk to your GP, who will refer you to a counsellor. These are professionals and although they can't fix your life for you, they can advise you on what to do and they act as a completely confidential buffer between you and the real world. Again, sometimes just talking really helps. If all else fails they can prescribe you antidepressants which, while they shouldn't be a permanent measure, should put you back on track for long enough to be able to sort out the things in your life that are depressing you before coming back off the drugs to a new, improved life. Breaking the vicious circle.

Either way, don't fight it alone. There are plenty of people who know exactly what you've gone through and what you're going through and we're all happy to help. :smile:

Hope this helps. :smile:


Thankyou for the post mate. I wish that anti-depressants were the answer, but I have been on a variety of them since I was 17. I am currently waking Escitalopram - but have been on many types. I also have a physiatrist, physcologist and physcotherapist - the problem is, nothing is helping me. It is now like I am at the end of my tether. I am just getting so frustrated than I am whittling my life away and nothing is getting better, and I have tried :frown:
Hollz
Thankyou for the post mate. I wish that anti-depressants were the answer, but I have been on a variety of them since I was 17. I am currently waking Escitalopram - but have been on many types. I also have a physiatrist, physcologist and physcotherapist - the problem is, nothing is helping me. It is now like I am at the end of my tether. I am just getting so frustrated than I am whittling my life away and nothing is getting better, and I have tried :frown:

Maybe you should stop looking to your friends to make you feel better over what is clearly in your case a serious mental illness.
Reply 8
Who do I look to then, I am not asking a lot from them even just to pick up the phone if I need to talk.
Make new friends, socialize.
If they don't want to help you, let them be.

Just remember this.
It's your life, you can do whatever the hell you want with it. As long as it's sane there is nothing at all stopping you from getting out of your room and embracing the world and the millions of people around you.

This may seem a tad inappropriate, but in primary school, I was bullied for sometime, and just kept to myself on a bench. After that 'sometime' that bully came upto me, and I knocked the **** out of him.
Sure, I got in trouble, but it was my choice, and it ultimately resolved the issue.
Reply 10
is there not a support group in your area which you could attend? It's a bit much to expect your friends to be there all the time in these circumstances because chances are they don't understand just how bad a problem it is and they may get tired of it. If you don't have such groups, come and talk to some people on here, we may be able to help (well, you know that already since you are here :p:) Just keep strong, don't cut yourself, that's not healthy. Perhaps eat lots and lots of sugar rather than the alcohol? Sugar always cheers me up (although I can't relate to what you are feeling). Good luck with it all.
Reply 11
I feel very much the same, these holidays after my A-levels have shown me that most my friends are not actually "real" friends. Even someone who I thought of as my bestfriend basically just threw it all back at me yesterday. Please dont hurt yourself tho:frown:.

I suppose everyone is different, but it comforts me to think that one day there WILL be people that genuinely care for you one day in the future! sending you a hug! x
Hollz
Who do I look to then, I am not asking a lot from them even just to pick up the phone if I need to talk.

I'm not suggesting don't talk to them, I'm just saying if it really is that serious, your friends will be no more of a cure than cutting yourself or drinking heavily will. It'll be something that feels good to do and calms you down but that in the end really doesn't get anything sorted.
You probably already tried, but seek professional help, get back in touch with your shrink
Get a new outlook on life, find some purpose and meaning. The problem I believe is your attitude to life which can be sorted out. Perhaps turn to religion too if you are secular. Im sure you can find support there.

Either way be optimistic and set some personal goals. Stop the cutting, alcohol and painkillers too because they are only making things worse.

Regardless of what you think, someone cares
That's good advice, little_woozie. I want to echo that.

Hollz, people do care about you. I know it often feels like there is nobody (believe me, I've been there too :hugs:) but there is always somebody. If your current friends are being useless then you need to get out and make some new friends who do care about you. I know it might be difficult but please remember that you are worth it.

If you ever want to talk but feel that you can't talk to your friends, then feel free to PM me. I know it's not the same as having a proper friend, but it helps sometimes just to get your feelings off your chest.

And please please try to stop the cutting, alcohol and painkillers. None of them work. I've been there and it just made me feel worse.

:hugs: so much.
Reply 15
Hollz
Hey,

I don't know what to do no more, it would seem all my friends seem to have given up on me. It's like I am always there for them, but when I need a bit of support - nobody is there.

I am sitting alone in my bedroom and I just can't see the point of anything is no more. I am at the end of my tether with everythings, and now it would seem that cutting and alcohol are my saviours. I actually can't stop crying and have started taking painkillers, and I know that none of my friends wnt to know - it would seem they can't cope with my mental health problems.

I am lost, sorry not sure why I am posting but just having some sort of outlet is a help.


(These are just opinions based on experience)

They're, in search for a better term, a kind of coping mechanism but, trust me, they are nobody's saviours. Especially alcohol which has no mercy on its victim. You think you're depressed now? Alcohol will amplify your bad feelings and, one of these days, you may find yourself in a hole that only you've dug because you failed to find another outlet. However, since you've taken the opportunity to ask advice advice before you resort to such measures, I trust that you have enough understanding to know that your ideas for coping, so far, are flawed. To be honest, it was a smart move, coming to us first. It shows that you know there are other methods out there.

As for the cutting. I've been there, done that. I have around 1500 scars all over my body. Apart from the fact that cutting did help me in a way (I'm not going to lie to you - you're not a child) I've had so much **** from other people about it. I'll list some of these difficulties (because lists are easier than prose! :p: )

* Walking through London one day, a completely random guy walked up to me and called me a "crazy bitch" and then threatened to kill me. You think I'm exaggerating? Self-harm triggers that reaction in some people. Having said that, I did call that nutter's bluff, and nothing happened (namely, because we were on a busy London street). But anyway, it was f88king scary!

* My family near-enough alienated me and ignored that fact that there was a problem. Self-harm is just not something that some people can or want to deal with.

* Self-harm, far from actually helping me, became another problem that I had to work through. It's a typical snowball effect - you pick up new problems as you go along to help mask/'fix' the old ones.

Having said all this, cutting isn't even worth it. When I'm 50 (in a quarter of a century!) I'll still have evidence written all over my body that says I'm a nutter, that I can't handle pressure, that I'm not right for the job, that I'm dangerous, untrustworthy, weak... you get the picture. It's what other people see when they see my scars.

Maybe you could trying viewing self-harming as potentially pictorial evidence of the fact you're a nutcase. YOU'RE NOT A NUTCASE; don't get me wrong but, trust me, this is how other people will view you.

You want people to know about your depression; you don't want people thinking you belong in an asylum of some sort.

So, I've told you why you shouldn't resort to these measures, but I'm a little less opinionated on the matter of what you should resort to.

I recommend counselling, even if only to say that you've tried it. If it works, brilliant! You may find clarity in your issues by saying them out loud and having someone relay the issues back to you from an outsider's point of view. There are counsellors around that you can see for free (see your doctor, or look up "mind" on the internet for more details).

I recommend that you leave the idea of antidepressants until last. There is such a thing as mind over matter. If you can do this without resorting to happy pills, you'll be much better off than alot of people out there who see their 'happiness' as relied on an external substance.

Meditation might help. I'm not much of spiritualist but, every now and again, I visit a buddhist temple and find peace and wisdom there. You don't have to start walking around bare-foot carrying prayer beads... but, you never know, it could do the trick.

Okay, so I've gone on and on and on. I'll leave you at that. Let us know what happens, yeah? :smile:

;console;
thesard
(These are just opinions based on experience)

They're, in search for a better term, a kind of coping mechanism but, trust me, they are nobody's saviours. Especially alcohol which has no mercy on its victim. You think you're depressed now? Alcohol will amplify your bad feelings and, one of these days, you may find yourself in a hole that only you've dug because you failed to find another outlet. However, since you've taken the opportunity to ask advice advice before you resort to such measures, I trust that you have enough understanding to know that your ideas for coping, so far, are flawed. To be honest, it was a smart move, coming to us first. It shows that you know there are other methods out there.

As for the cutting. I've been there, done that. I have around 1500 scars all over my body. Apart from the fact that cutting did help me in a way (I'm not going to lie to you - you're not a child) I've had so much **** from other people about it. I'll list some of these difficulties (because lists are easier than prose! :p: )

* Walking through London one day, a completely random guy walked up to me and called me a "crazy bitch" and then threatened to kill me. You think I'm exaggerating? Self-harm triggers that reaction in some people. Having said that, I did call that nutter's bluff, and nothing happened (namely, because we were on a busy London street). But anyway, it was f88king scary!

* My family near-enough alienated me and ignored that fact that there was a problem. Self-harm is just not something that some people can or want to deal with.

* Self-harm, far from actually helping me, became another problem that I had to work through. It's a typical snowball effect - you pick up new problems as you go along to help mask/'fix' the old ones.

Having said all this, cutting isn't even worth it. When I'm 50 (in a quarter of a century!) I'll still have evidence written all over my body that says I'm a nutter, that I can't handle pressure, that I'm not right for the job, that I'm dangerous, untrustworthy, weak... you get the picture. It's what other people see when they see my scars.

Maybe you could trying viewing self-harming as potentially pictorial evidence of the fact you're a nutcase. YOU'RE NOT A NUTCASE; don't get me wrong but, trust me, this is how other people will view you.

You want people to know about your depression; you don't want people thinking you belong in an asylum of some sort.

So, I've told you why you shouldn't resort to these measures, but I'm a little less opinionated on the matter of what you should resort to.

I recommend counselling, even if only to say that you've tried it. If it works, brilliant! You may find clarity in your issues by saying them out loud and having someone relay the issues back to you from an outsider's point of view. There are counsellors around that you can see for free (see your doctor, or look up "mind" on the internet for more details).

I recommend that you leave the idea of antidepressants until last. There is such a thing as mind over matter. If you can do this without resorting to happy pills, you'll be much better off than alot of people out there who see their 'happiness' as relied on an external substance.

Meditation might help. I'm not much of spiritualist but, every now and again, I visit a buddhist temple and find peace and wisdom there. You don't have to start walking around bare-foot carrying prayer beads... but, you never know, it could do the trick.

Okay, so I've gone on and on and on. I'll leave you at that. Let us know what happens, yeah? :smile:

;console;


Thanks for your post bud, sorry I have taken so long to reply but I have been in hospital, took an overdose.

Anyway, thanks for the suggestions with regards to cousnelling and anti-ds, well I been down all these roads for the past 5 years and I am simply not getting anywhere. I have been on so many different type on anti-ds, none have worked and counselling has also not worked for me.

That is to say the last time I spoke to a counsellor, she told me that I was beyond any help that she could give me and I need physiatrict support, which I do have.

Anyhow, again - thanks for all your replies and support.
How are you feeling now? Now that you're home from hospital again?
Was there anything in particular, like a particular event, that triggered you taking an overdose? Or was it just everything on top of each other.
Depression is such a hard thing to get through, and I am speaking from experience here. It can seem like you'll never get out from under its black cloud but you have to keep going.
Are you sure there isn't a friend or cousin that you could talk to about this?
I understand that selfharm can help, can make you feel better, but as said by thesard, it leaves you permanently marked so that everyone can see.
Keep posting, writing or talking if you can about how you feel. Go back to your GP and demand that they help, you need some kind of treatment and yes it can take a while to find the right treatment, but please keep trying. And there are loads of us on here if you ever want to talk. You can get through this.
I am feeling pretty low at the moment to be honest, which obviously isn't helping. Someone I work with triggered me off because he was talking about serious things in such a disregarding way, that had a profound effect on me and well it just triggered me off.

I just feel pretty alone right now.
Hollz
Hey,

I don't know what to do no more, it would seem all my friends seem to have given up on me. It's like I am always there for them, but when I need a bit of support - nobody is there.

I am sitting alone in my bedroom and I just can't see the point of anything is no more. I am at the end of my tether with everythings, and now it would seem that cutting and alcohol are my saviours. I actually can't stop crying and have started taking painkillers, and I know that none of my friends wnt to know - it would seem they can't cope with my mental health problems.

I am lost, sorry not sure why I am posting but just having some sort of outlet is a help.


Firstly you aren't alone :hugs:

Seconly do not try to harm yourself or start using alcohol to block things out. It'll just make things worse :frown: Most friends can't handle mental health problems. I've discovered this in the past. If you want to talk about it or anything just give me a PM. It'll hopefully help to talk to someone about it. Or have you spoke to a counsellor on Connexions Direct, The Samartians or Child line? They could offer advice?