I just want to know people's advice on this. I get sexual longings towards beautiful women, people seem to think I must be picky or have negative views of womens attractiveness(I am not, I don't). I have been told I'm not bad, don't believe it necessarily. I am used, for various reasons, to denial, conditioned in a way. My way of dealing with what I sometimes feel as overwhelming emotion plus physical longing, is to try and shut it off. If I look or let the feeling continue I know it is torment, because I want her body, but also emotions too, and I know also the script in my head, I am so used to women being cold and calculating, I have become demoralised. So I try and rid myself of the urge, it's tough. Then I also want to not have a child, so I feel longings but also a real natural longing to make love with no condom, but I know I will have to to not have a kid. I take the responsibility and what I have to be as a Dad seriously, so think I cannot be a Dad, and also that my sex or romantic life will be over then. Is this common? What is going on with me? Everyone thinks it weird or even that I must be gay-I think younger women than the people who talk to me have much higher standards, and maybe I am too used to coldness. And then there is the conflict, the longing for that passion and closeness and natural, no condom love making,when I am attracted, vs the magnitude of having a kid. Do I just need to stop analysing myself, and be more engaged, more passionate, stop denying my emotions or longings, some have said I should go with the flow more, or is it wise? Am I missing a whole side to life, if my desires are this way and most people act on their sexuality? Am I letting past or individual experiences affect my whole approach? Am I too negative about the outcome or consequences? Am I underestimating how I could benefit from passion and intimacy? I tend to just think more sexual frustration might be there, and that I might have a kid and regret it. Here is the final issue. I have thought to get the real intimate feel, and no condom, plus no kid, I should have a vasectomy, then finally I can have the close relationship I want, I can pursue attractions more enthusiastically, I can experience the joy of what I'm missing out on without a child. But that is a big step.
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