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Feel left out at ncs (national citizen service) bad experience watch

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    So I've just completed my first week at ncs and about to start again on Monday.

    I've only really made 4 friends 😔
    Ncs isn't what I thought it'd be because basically 70% of the people all went to the same school or knew of eachother schools already or had seen eachother around in the area: at gym etc and I know no-one so I'm at a big disadvantage

    I'm a confident girl
    - wouldn't say I'm bad looking
    - was head girl at my secondary school
    - funny
    - have loads of friends

    It just seems to me that my self confidence has been crushed because of ncs and since everyone has pretty much formed cliques/relationships what's the point of making friends now?

    I just really need some advice because I'm honestly struggling to make convo with people and just overall feel a bit crap about myself

    I get the impression that the other girls there talk about me and my group finds me awkward.

    Help would be appreciated, I'm even considering not attending next week

    Thanks
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    Anyone? Can someone please help
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    (Original post by Eggsandrice)
    So I've just completed my first week at ncs and about to start again on Monday.

    I've only really made 4 friends 😔
    Ncs isn't what I thought it'd be because basically 70% of the people all went to the same school or knew of eachother schools already or had seen eachother around in the area: at gym etc and I know no-one so I'm at a big disadvantage

    I'm a confident girl
    - wouldn't say I'm bad looking
    - was head girl at my secondary school
    - funny
    - have loads of friends

    It just seems to me that my self confidence has been crushed because of ncs and since everyone has pretty much formed cliques/relationships what's the point of making friends now?

    I just really need some advice because I'm honestly struggling to make convo with people and just overall feel a bit crap about myself

    I get the impression that the other girls there talk about me and my group finds me awkward.

    Help would be appreciated, I'm even considering not attending next week

    Thanks
    Awwww it's just the first week
    How long are you going to be there?

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    (Original post by Eggsandrice)
    Anyone? Can someone please help
    I feel for you gurl.

    I did NCS after Summer(weird time to do it) and it was horrendous, we were supposed to go to this pretty nice place but it turns out the place we went to was absolute crap. The rooms were less than an arms width, the shoutouts were bent af, the instructor people there treated us like kids. Generally the activities weren't brilliant but the stuff they made us do while on them made me want to kill myself really.

    Then on the week of college or whatever when you had to make a change in your local community they told us and advertised it as 4 days long for the college bit. Then they suddenly decided to tell us while we were at the NCS place they said that actually that's wrong and we had to do it for 5 days. Due to the circumstances of major amounts of homework, we refused because it was their fault they advertised it wrong and it's not fair to make us do an extra day just because you make a mistake. Eventually we managed to bargain until midday for the session to end. It sucked so hard. Everything about it, from the time at the college to the place we went to for activities and all that.

    The college was especially horrible since the tasks they set us to do were again aimed at silly little kids. Obviously who wants to run around with a blindfold on finding other people as an "activity" and other trust and friendship related activities? No-one does, just get into the project already.


    In any case i feel your pain, everything about it was horrible would never do again.
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    (Original post by Eggsandrice)
    So I've just completed my first week at ncs and about to start again on Monday.

    I've only really made 4 friends 😔
    Ncs isn't what I thought it'd be because basically 70% of the people all went to the same school or knew of eachother schools already or had seen eachother around in the area: at gym etc and I know no-one so I'm at a big disadvantage

    I'm a confident girl
    - wouldn't say I'm bad looking
    - was head girl at my secondary school
    - funny
    - have loads of friends

    It just seems to me that my self confidence has been crushed because of ncs and since everyone has pretty much formed cliques/relationships what's the point of making friends now?

    I just really need some advice because I'm honestly struggling to make convo with people and just overall feel a bit crap about myself

    I get the impression that the other girls there talk about me and my group finds me awkward.

    Help would be appreciated, I'm even considering not attending next week

    Thanks
    Rushed answer, will re-edit later.

    Sorry its a bit rubbish for you.

    if it were me then I would stick it out and not let it get to you. You cna use it for your CV abd UCAS application or in interviews for a job, so just completing it has value.

    It wont really destroy your confidence, its just out of your comfort zone.

    Dont give up

    Just be polite and sociable, they might have cliqued out, but there may be others there feeling exactly the same. Make friends as best you can and see the course out. It could get a lot better or interesting.

    You obviously have internet access, so use social media and get a bit of support from your other friends to keep your confidence going.

    If at the end of the course you hated it, then you know you stick it out and didnt quit, which is an important trait. You can use that fact in job interviews.

    Could you have a word with the organiser or even head office to express your disappointment and that they should put more thought into making sure couse members are mixed better rather than being pre formed cliques and importnatly suggest improvements so other people dont experience what you have.

    It will make you feel better standing up about this. Hang in there and feel free to PM if you still cnat see a way though. Some things in life are a bit meh, but there is still value in doing them.
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    (Original post by Eggsandrice)
    So I've just completed my first week at ncs and about to start again on Monday.

    I've only really made 4 friends 😔
    Ncs isn't what I thought it'd be because basically 70% of the people all went to the same school or knew of eachother schools already or had seen eachother around in the area: at gym etc and I know no-one so I'm at a big disadvantage

    I'm a confident girl
    - wouldn't say I'm bad looking
    - was head girl at my secondary school
    - funny
    - have loads of friends

    It just seems to me that my self confidence has been crushed because of ncs and since everyone has pretty much formed cliques/relationships what's the point of making friends now?

    I just really need some advice because I'm honestly struggling to make convo with people and just overall feel a bit crap about myself

    I get the impression that the other girls there talk about me and my group finds me awkward.

    Help would be appreciated, I'm even considering not attending next week

    Thanks
    Lol just don't go back next week

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    (Original post by maggie43)
    Awwww it's just the first week
    How long are you going to be there?

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    About 3 more weeks

    (Original post by richpanda)
    you slide in my dms nomsayin
    Sorry?
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Rushed answer, will re-edit later.

    Sorry its a bit rubbish for you.

    if it were me then I would stick it out and not let it get to you. You cna use it for your CV abd UCAS application or in interviews for a job, so just completing it has value.

    It wont really destroy your confidence, its just out of your comfort zone.

    Dont give up

    Just be polite and sociable, they might have cliqued out, but there may be others there feeling exactly the same. Make friends as best you can and see the course out. It could get a lot better or interesting.

    You obviously have internet access, so use social media and get a bit of support from your other friends to keep your confidence going.

    If at the end of the course you hated it, then you know you stick it out and didnt quit, which is an important trait. You can use that fact in job interviews.

    Could you have a word with the organiser or even head office to express your disappointment and that they should put more thought into making sure couse members are mixed better rather than being pre formed cliques and importnatly suggest improvements so other people dont experience what you have.

    It will make you feel better standing up about this. Hang in there and feel free to PM if you still cnat see a way though. Some things in life are a bit meh, but there is still value in doing them.
    Thank you for your reply

    I'll still continue on with it until the end and try to make the best out of everything

    I've been very reluctant to speaking to my mentor about this just because I don't want to make things awkward. He'd probably end up telling the other mentors/ the programme leader and my group that I'm not feeling welcomed. But tbh, I feel as though it's just me preventing myself from being who i really am because of the environment I'm in. I've never really been put into sociable situations like this and I honestly thought I'd cope A LOT better 😓

    There have been many opportunities for me to speak in my group but most of the time when I do, nobody listens

    I just don't want this experience to go to waste. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to see the positives
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    (Original post by bigdonger)
    I feel for you gurl.

    I did NCS after Summer(weird time to do it) and it was horrendous, we were supposed to go to this pretty nice place but it turns out the place we went to was absolute crap. The rooms were less than an arms width, the shoutouts were bent af, the instructor people there treated us like kids. Generally the activities weren't brilliant but the stuff they made us do while on them made me want to kill myself really.

    Then on the week of college or whatever when you had to make a change in your local community they told us and advertised it as 4 days long for the college bit. Then they suddenly decided to tell us while we were at the NCS place they said that actually that's wrong and we had to do it for 5 days. Due to the circumstances of major amounts of homework, we refused because it was their fault they advertised it wrong and it's not fair to make us do an extra day just because you make a mistake. Eventually we managed to bargain until midday for the session to end. It sucked so hard. Everything about it, from the time at the college to the place we went to for activities and all that.

    The college was especially horrible since the tasks they set us to do were again aimed at silly little kids. Obviously who wants to run around with a blindfold on finding other people as an "activity" and other trust and friendship related activities? No-one does, just get into the project already.


    In any case i feel your pain, everything about it was horrible would never do again.
    Oh wow :/
    I'm sorry to hear that

    The activities for me went pretty well it's just team bonding and making friends that I'm struggling with heavily

    The only thing that's keeping me going is convincing myself that the weeks to come will be better
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    (Original post by Eggsandrice)
    Oh wow :/
    I'm sorry to hear that

    The activities for me went pretty well it's just team bonding and making friends that I'm struggling with heavily

    The only thing that's keeping me going is convincing myself that the weeks to come will be better
    It was actual hell for about 3 weeks in total for the duration i was doing NCS stuff(excluding project)

    well hopefully you can make at least one friend... i have faith in you, you can do it
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    (Original post by Eggsandrice)
    Thank you for your reply

    I'll still continue on with it until the end and try to make the best out of everything

    I've been very reluctant to speaking to my mentor about this just because I don't want to make things awkward. He'd probably end up telling the other mentors/ the programme leader and my group that I'm not feeling welcomed. But tbh, I feel as though it's just me preventing myself from being who i really am because of the environment I'm in. I've never really been put into sociable situations like this and I honestly thought I'd cope A LOT better 😓

    There have been many opportunities for me to speak in my group but most of the time when I do, nobody listens

    I just don't want this experience to go to waste. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to see the positives
    Glad to hear that Im sorry if you feel that way and remember to use this as an advantage for CV and Personal statement. I would advise you to go next week and enjoy yourself learning skills and spend time to talk people. If they are being backbiting you or whatever that makes your confidence down, just ignore them and carry on to the end. Talk to mentors and staff they should be able to help you
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    (Original post by Ordo)
    Glad to hear that Im sorry if you feel that way and remember to use this as an advantage for CV and Personal statement. I would advise you to go next week and enjoy yourself learning skills and spend time to talk people. If they are being backbiting you or whatever that makes your confidence down, just ignore them and carry on to the end. Talk to mentors and staff they should be able to help you
    Don't really feel confident enough to speak to staff about it, might be slightly awkward but thank you Anyways x
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    (Original post by Eggsandrice)
    Thank you for your reply

    I'll still continue on with it until the end and try to make the best out of everything

    I've been very reluctant to speaking to my mentor about this just because I don't want to make things awkward. He'd probably end up telling the other mentors/ the programme leader and my group that I'm not feeling welcomed. But tbh, I feel as though it's just me preventing myself from being who i really am because of the environment I'm in. I've never really been put into sociable situations like this and I honestly thought I'd cope A LOT better 😓

    There have been many opportunities for me to speak in my group but most of the time when I do, nobody listens

    I just don't want this experience to go to waste. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to see the positives

    Talk to your mentor, but as a young adult. They will be required eat it confidentially. Rather than saying booo hoo nobody makes friends whith me, just get ideas that you are finding the groups hard to break into becayse they all know each other already. I was once in such a situation, everyone had been in the same uni together, but after being a bit disappointed I didnt care tbh. I got on doing my own thing. There will be others in the grop who dont know each other as well. Perhaps the mentor can put you there. The non mixing and open mindedness is their problem, just make yourself available rather than becoming withdrawn. You will be fine and learn stiff about yourself.
    You are out of your comfort zone.
    It may genuinely be crap.
    Be yourself, they may be being jerks or you may be a bit paranoid and they cling to cliques because they are scared of not belonging. The best friend you cna have is yourself.

    Having looked at the course it seems to change in the 2nd week into skills, so maybe that will be more group tasks where people cna interact with you? People are shy at the beginning, people are lazy. Please dont let it deter you.

    Leave the course with no regrest in your own behaviour. Running away qwouldnt solve it and neither will feeling crushed or sorry for yourself. Uf there are changes that would help, then ask the mentor. They must have encuntered it before and tbh part of it seems to be poorly thought out by them and groups should have been broken up.

    Hang in there and post your progress back here.
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    I did Ncs and I did find that a lot of. People stayed in their friendship groups from school and certain people from grammar schools and stuff didn't want to hang around with the comprehensive school kids, which was especially apparent when on my residential it was myself someone from my school and a group of posh kids who didn't even try and start a conversation with us :/ I would say that it does get better as you go on so the first week was pretty awful but then by the time we did out fundradiing event everyone could speak to everyone without feeling awkward so idk just stick with it and it should get better. Ncs for me was just average overall cause I had fun doing the activities but then my group had a weird mix of mostly quite ' rough ' kids who I would never have been friends with so idk it just depends who you end up with .
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    When I did Ncs they said that the groups were mixed but they did it so there was 2/3 people from each school which still means people just stuck together with those they knew so personally I would've preferred it if they had just totally mixed it up with one person from each school so everyone actually has to try and make new friends as I found that in my group you had a big group of people who liked each other and then quite a few people who were on their own and felt lost, including myself :/ I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations for Ncs and think they're gonna meet loads of new people but most people come with their mates so it just defeats the whole point :/
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    I have NCS next week
    Now I'm scared
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    (Original post by Eggsandrice)
    Thank you for your reply

    I'll still continue on with it until the end and try to make the best out of everything

    I've been very reluctant to speaking to my mentor about this just because I don't want to make things awkward. He'd probably end up telling the other mentors/ the programme leader and my group that I'm not feeling welcomed. But tbh, I feel as though it's just me preventing myself from being who i really am because of the environment I'm in. I've never really been put into sociable situations like this and I honestly thought I'd cope A LOT better 😓

    There have been many opportunities for me to speak in my group but most of the time when I do, nobody listens

    I just don't want this experience to go to waste. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to see the positives
    I think you should stick it out. I think if you don't you could regret the lose opportunity and the fact you gave up. If you stick with it you can put it on your CV and you have the potential to better yourself. It sounds like this is a situation you haven't been up against before and actually that could be really good to expose yourself to. When you enter a workplace you're going to have to establish yourself with people who already know each other etc so this will come up again, knowing you can get through it will be a good thing.

    I would focus on the positives - you do have people you're getting on with even if it doesn't feel like many. Try and stick close to them. Continue being friendly and polite and stay involved and if people are being petty and sticking with those they know remember that is probably due to insecurity in a new environment so they adopt a them and us attitude so they feel safe in their group. It's not personal to you it's just the way they are coping with the same stress you're experiencing.
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    (Original post by Eggsandrice)
    I've only really made 4 friends 😔
    My goodness. First world problems. Four friends is brilliant. And if you focus your efforts on those four people they will possibly become proper friends too. Not like Facebook friends which are just people you permit to comment on your life. Enjoy what you have rather than crave what you haven't. The latter will only bring constant misery to your life.

    And enjoy your NCS. Our babysitter is doing it and from what she was saying, it sound absolutely brilliant. Wish I had the opportunity when I was a lad.

    Good luck!
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    I did it last Summer, and as a person I find it generally easy to make friends, talk to people. I never felt more alienated and I made one or two friends. If you don't act like a typical person your age but have your own identity, it seems to backfire. I enjoyed the activities, but not the people. My mentor also didn't help as he seemed to have issues with me.
 
 
 

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