Turn on thread page Beta

Boyfriend addicted to alcohol :S Help appreciated x watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    My boyfriend became addicted to alcohol. I only found out when he broke up with me because of it. We got back together, and he quit. He hasn't drank for a few months and now wants to start drinking again, but not as much as he used to. Is it reasonable for me to be angry and upset about this? I have told him I don't want him to drink again yet because it hurt me and the relationship so much. Any advice on what I should do? Thank you all <3
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Assert yourself. Tell him it's either you or the alcohol.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    Assert yourself. Tell him it's either you or the alcohol.
    and if he chooses the alcohol it was never going to work in the first place
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    I wouldn't be too happy either. If you're not happy, leave.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    Assert yourself. Tell him it's either you or the alcohol.
    I was thinking about saying that, but I can't control his life and decisions. I don't want to be a controlling *****.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MissFun)
    I was thinking about saying that, but I can't control his life and decisions. I don't want to be a controlling *****.
    It has a direct effect on your relationship, a negative one at that. It is your business, even if it is his choice.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    There are varying degrees of alcohol problems. Has it being diagnosed as addiction or is that just your description of it?

    Its up to you really. Give him the ultimatum if you don't think he is capable of drinking responsibly and your not prepared to put up with it. Or you can tell him you'd prefer him not to drink. If he drinks, you can give him a chance to see if he can drink responsibly.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Sternumator)
    There are varying degrees of alcohol problems. Has it being diagnosed as addiction or is that just your description of it?

    Its up to you really. Give him the ultimatum if you don't think he is capable of drinking responsibly and your not prepared to put up with it. Or you can tell him you'd prefer him not to drink. If he drinks, you can give him a chance to see if he can drink responsibly.
    He hasn't been diagnosed but he drank every day and it led to the break up eventually. It brings back horrible feelings for me and I won't be happy when he is drinking. Maybe I could wait and see.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    Yes, it is reasonable for you to be angry with this. Eventually, alcohol is going to start controlling the relationship.
    Talk to him about how you feel. I would be assertive with him and ask him he can pick the alcohol or you. And if he picks the alcohol, he never really loved you. You aren't controlling the relationship, you are looking out for him.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MissFun)
    He hasn't been diagnosed but he drank every day and it led to the break up eventually. It brings back horrible feelings for me and I won't be happy when he is drinking. Maybe I could wait and see.
    Why did it break up the relationship? I would judge him on his behaviour towards you and not how much he drinks. To me drinking every day is not a problem in itself, only if it leads to other undesirable behaviour. But if drinking in itself is a problem for you, that is perfectly valid. You have to decide.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Sternumator)
    Why did it break up the relationship? I would judge him on his behaviour towards you and not how much he drinks. To me drinking every day is not a problem in itself, only if it leads to other undesirable behaviour. But if drinking in itself is a problem for you, that is perfectly valid. You have to decide.
    He felt like the drinking would end up hurting me so didn't want to put me through it, and it meant we couldn't see each other as much as he was drunk often. Yeah it became a problem and its much better now that he doesn't drink.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    is he drinking in moderate amounts i.e less than 21 units per week? If not, then he has to make a choice between you or the bottle
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    1. See doctor.
    2. Get prescribed substitute (benzos I believe) to help with the withdrawal and cravings. Might as well check his liver and also assess for any mental health issues.
    3. Check back with doctor regularly until course is complete and results are satisfactory.
    4. Live happily ever after...
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MissFun)
    He felt like the drinking would end up hurting me so didn't want to put me through it, and it meant we couldn't see each other as much as he was drunk often. Yeah it became a problem and its much better now that he doesn't drink.
    I'd be asking him why if he thought drinking would end up hurting you before, what has changed since. It is strange that he realised it was a problem for him before but has changed his mind about it.

    It is possible for people who previously had a drinking problem, to develop more healthy drink habits without complete abstinence. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Final Fantasy)
    1. See doctor.
    2. Get prescribed substitute (benzos I believe) to help with the withdrawal and cravings. Might as well check his liver and also assess for any mental health issues.
    3. Check back with doctor regularly until course is complete and results are satisfactory.
    4. Live happily ever after...
    He has already detoxed though so there is nothing a doctor can do other than advise not to drink.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by Sternumator)
    He has already detoxed though so there is nothing a doctor can do other than advise not to drink.
    I'm sure they can refer him elsewhere more appropriate, or at the very least offer his some advice and guidance in overcoming their alcohol cravings. Besides, it's worth checking what damage has been done to his body.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    Easy fix, be strict an say only drink when he's with you, that way it's not you or the alcohol it's more a group/social thing and he enjoys spending time with you and drinking, obviously not every time he's with you and if he begins to go overboard you can help him. Explain how you don't want to be co trolling hut supportive and that you understand. Best of luck

    Sent from my ONE A2003 using Tapatalk
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Sternumator)
    I'd be asking him why if he thought drinking would end up hurting you before, what has changed since. It is strange that he realised it was a problem for him before but has changed his mind about it.

    It is possible for people who previously had a drinking problem, to develop more healthy drink habits without complete abstinence. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
    He is convinced he won't get addicted again and that he knows how bad it would be if he did, so I'm hoping he will drink moderately and it'll be fine.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Sternumator)
    There are varying degrees of alcohol problems. Has it being diagnosed as addiction or is that just your description of it?

    Its up to you really. Give him the ultimatum if you don't think he is capable of drinking responsibly and your not prepared to put up with it. Or you can tell him you'd prefer him not to drink. If he drinks, you can give him a chance to see if he can drink responsibly.
    You don't need to be diagnosed as an alcoholic to be an alcoholic.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MissFun)
    He is convinced he won't get addicted again and that he knows how bad it would be if he did, so I'm hoping he will drink moderately and it'll be fine.
    As someone who has studied addiction at degree level, and also as someone whose father is and always has been an alcoholic, he will not drink moderately. It will not be fine. If he is an alcoholic, going backing to drinking will not be moderate. You need to lay down his options, you or alcohol.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 18, 2016
Poll
Do you think parents should charge rent?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.