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Sick of being insulted by my bf, or is it me with the faults? Watch

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    Im sick of my bf trying to insult me, I dont know why he does it. When we go for meals he has often said that i eat with my mouth open. Ive made an effort to keep my mouth closed (i put that down to constructive criticism), now he says that i eat too fast.

    He said today that i eat like a pig. I pointed out the fact that he took a chewed piece of sausage out of his mouth and put it near my plate and he said 'there you go again bringing other people into it'. He also used to get annoyed because i didnt put my knife and folk together when id finished and blamed my parents for bringing me up wrong/being ignorant.

    He is quite a bit older than me but still im fed up of being insulted. Sometimes i enjoy being with him we have a laugh and he's fine but others i end up feeling offended/low in some way. He also says that i think and act like a 13 year old and that living with my parents for so long has affected my personal development. He doesnt like me swearing yet he swears himself, when i point it out he denies swearing. Ive wondered if its me being too over sensitive and that maybe i should laugh it all off as my family have said that i dont take criticism well.

    I dont know. I find my aunt is similar, will pick faults and shake her head over minor things. Can really have this many faults?
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    I wouldn't call these faults. I would call them traits that make you, you, as a person.

    Sure, you may eat with your mouth open (i can slightly understand why he's a bit iffy over that, but it's not a habit that's alarmingly detrimental to the relationship), eat a bit fast because; hey, you're a foodie, and you're a bit more laid back in your table manners i.e with your knives and forks. But that is no reason for your boyfriend to insult you and make you feel bad for having habits like that. This relationship is definitely a red flag, and you shouldn't let your boyfriend treat you like that. Soon enough, he will start controlling you over what you wear, who you hang out with, what you do, etc. It's just a vicious cycle. I would suggest that you leave him and say that you are a bit fed up for him treating you like that.

    Alternatively, you could sit him down and talk to him about your feelings and ask him what you really mean to him; and that if he is so annoyed by such trivial things that you do then maybe you aren't the right person for him.

    Also, may I point out, that if you do leave this guy, one day you will find someone who loves you despite the fact that you eat with your mouth open, eat fast, and who doesn't even care what way you place your knives and forks on the plate.

    I'm sure your parents bought you up to be a lovely person, and from this post, i think you are a lovely person.

    Really, you deserve better, and it's coming from experience. Good luck.
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    I understand the eating with your mouth open tbh, people have their own bug bears and honestly it is a bit off-putting to many people.

    Tbh it's difficult to say, is he being controlling by pointing out aspects of etiquette? I wouldn't necessarily say so, however clearly it causes a clash of personalities, since you're more relaxed about such things. So you have to ask yourself if these sort of things wind him up, is every small action he perceives as poor etiquette/behavior going to cause him to come out with such remarks about you being a pig, uncivilised etc? If you fold your towel in a different way, if you hang washing out a certain way, if you clean in a certain way etc. Since clearly that's going to cause friction/bitterness which won't work in the long run.
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    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    I wouldn't call these faults. I would call them traits that make you, you, as a person.

    Sure, you may eat with your mouth open (i can slightly understand why he's a bit iffy over that, but it's not a habit that's alarmingly detrimental to the relationship), eat a bit fast because; hey, you're a foodie, and you're a bit more laid back in your table manners i.e with your knives and forks. But that is no reason for your boyfriend to insult you and make you feel bad for having habits like that. This relationship is definitely a red flag, and you shouldn't let your boyfriend treat you like that. Soon enough, he will start controlling you over what you wear, who you hang out with, what you do, etc. It's just a vicious cycle. I would suggest that you leave him and say that you are a bit fed up for him treating you like that.

    Alternatively, you could sit him down and talk to him about your feelings and ask him what you really mean to him; and that if he is so annoyed by such trivial things that you do then maybe you aren't the right person for him.

    Also, may I point out, that if you do leave this guy, one day you will find someone who loves you despite the fact that you eat with your mouth open, eat fast, and who doesn't even care what way you place your knives and forks on the plate.

    I'm sure your parents bought you up to be a lovely person, and from this post, i think you are a lovely person.

    Really, you deserve better, and it's coming from experience. Good luck.
    Thanks, I have probably made him sound bad but this is how he is, even though he does have good points and has helped me in the past in general life. He is looking to move to another house and has asked me to move with him. I said that i cant afford at the moment but the real reason is i dont think i could live with his nic picking and getting annoyed at minor things.

    When ive stayed at his he has commented on me not putting the coffee back in the right place (it was a little out of line with the other jars lol), been annoyed at me for not leaving the bathroom door open (tho this is so his cat doesnt get shut in), not buttering toast properly (he said i did it like a 10 year old) and he says i have a problem because i start looking around after 30 mins rather than watching most film

    I do lose concentration but im not big on tv. He says this is why i 'lack worldly knowledge'. His cat gets fleas sometimes which get on the sofa (happened last week, he is using spray to get rid) and he got annoyed cause i looked for fleas on me rather than watching tv lol.

    The thing is he has been my only bf so i dont know what other relationships tend to be like.
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    Honestly, it sounds like something is wrong with this guy... unless you enjoy being bullied don't waste your time any further.
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    Sounds like a really annoying teacher rather than a boyfriend, stand your ground, if he acts up, you should consider leaving him
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, I have probably made him sound bad but this is how he is, even though he does have good points and has helped me in the past in general life. He is looking to move to another house and has asked me to move with him. I said that i cant afford at the moment but the real reason is i dont think i could live with his nic picking and getting annoyed at minor things.

    When ive stayed at his he has commented on me not putting the coffee back in the right place (it was a little out of line with the other jars lol), been annoyed at me for not leaving the bathroom door open (tho this is so his cat doesnt get shut in), not buttering toast properly (he said i did it like a 10 year old) and he says i have a problem because i start looking around after 30 mins rather than watching most film

    I do lose concentration but im not big on tv. He says this is why i 'lack worldly knowledge'. His cat gets fleas sometimes which get on the sofa (happened last week, he is using spray to get rid) and he got annoyed cause i looked for fleas on me rather than watching tv lol.

    The thing is he has been my only bf so i dont know what other relationships tend to be like.
    Like someone said earlier, it does sound like he is bullying you. There's no reason why you should put up with this. I really do advise you to talk to him and tell him that this is how you are as a person and you don't appreciate him insulting you over trivial things, alternatively leave him.
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    leeve him U kan do beter
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    I understand the eating with your mouth open tbh, people have their own bug bears and honestly it is a bit off-putting to many people.

    Tbh it's difficult to say, is he being controlling by pointing out aspects of etiquette? I wouldn't necessarily say so, however clearly it causes a clash of personalities, since you're more relaxed about such things. So you have to ask yourself if these sort of things wind him up, is every small action he perceives as poor etiquette/behavior going to cause him to come out with such remarks about you being a pig, uncivilised etc? If you fold your towel in a different way, if you hang washing out a certain way, if you clean in a certain way etc. Since clearly that's going to cause friction/bitterness which won't work in the long run.

    You think being told your parents didn't raise you properly, that you've stunted personal development, that you behave like a thirteen year old is justified in the name of etiquette?

    Well aren't you a good person.
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    I do this too and I don't know why.
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    I'd leave.

    And there are ways of says "I don't like it when you do this" without being so rude about it.

    I don't know of any happy relationship like this. Sure, most people do get pissed off at their partners for minor things. But putting the coffee back in the right place? That's a bit silly. Unless of course the "right place" was a different cupboard.
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    Don't put up with it. Partners should never aim to insult their partners! I know I have faults, but my boyfriend would never use them against me like that and actively try to hurt me. He could have said "please try to eat with your mouth closed" or "could you try to remember to put the cutlery together, thanks" just asking in a nicer way, not insulting you.
    Leave him.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, I have probably made him sound bad but this is how he is, even though he does have good points and has helped me in the past in general life. He is looking to move to another house and has asked me to move with him. I said that i cant afford at the moment but the real reason is i dont think i could live with his nic picking and getting annoyed at minor things.

    When ive stayed at his he has commented on me not putting the coffee back in the right place (it was a little out of line with the other jars lol), been annoyed at me for not leaving the bathroom door open (tho this is so his cat doesnt get shut in), not buttering toast properly (he said i did it like a 10 year old) and he says i have a problem because i start looking around after 30 mins rather than watching most film

    I do lose concentration but im not big on tv. He says this is why i 'lack worldly knowledge'. His cat gets fleas sometimes which get on the sofa (happened last week, he is using spray to get rid) and he got annoyed cause i looked for fleas on me rather than watching tv lol.

    The thing is he has been my only bf so i dont know what other relationships tend to be like.
    Not like this. Partners are supposed to build each other up, work on "flaws" together and in a nice way or just accept them and love them for who they are, flaws and all. This isn't healthy, it's bullying and you need to leave him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im sick of my bf trying to insult me, I dont know why he does it. When we go for meals he has often said that i eat with my mouth open. Ive made an effort to keep my mouth closed (i put that down to constructive criticism), now he says that i eat too fast.

    He said today that i eat like a pig. I pointed out the fact that he took a chewed piece of sausage out of his mouth and put it near my plate and he said 'there you go again bringing other people into it'. He also used to get annoyed because i didnt put my knife and folk together when id finished and blamed my parents for bringing me up wrong/being ignorant.

    He is quite a bit older than me but still im fed up of being insulted. Sometimes i enjoy being with him we have a laugh and he's fine but others i end up feeling offended/low in some way. He also says that i think and act like a 13 year old and that living with my parents for so long has affected my personal development. He doesnt like me swearing yet he swears himself, when i point it out he denies swearing. Ive wondered if its me being too over sensitive and that maybe i should laugh it all off as my family have said that i dont take criticism well.

    I dont know. I find my aunt is similar, will pick faults and shake her head over minor things. Can really have this many faults?
    Don't put with it then, leave him, nothing worse than your other half putting you down.
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    I know someone SO similar to this. He even comes on TSR.
    Everytime we go out to eat, he criticises my limited food palate. Last time we went for a meal, he called me a barbarian for not knowing to put my knife and fork together on my plate, and he kept going ON about it.
    He criticises the way my parents brought me up, he says I have the personal development of a young teenager (I'm 21), and constantly patronises me. I feel like nothing I ever do will please him.

    I really think you need to get out of your relationship. He's a bully.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know someone SO similar to this. He even comes on TSR.
    Everytime we go out to eat, he criticises my limited food palate. Last time we went for a meal, he called me a barbarian for not knowing to put my knife and fork together on my plate, and he kept going ON about it.
    He criticises the way my parents brought me up, he says I have the personal development of a young teenager (I'm 21), and constantly patronises me. I feel like nothing I ever do will please him.

    I really think you need to get out of your relationship. He's a bully.
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