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Rejected my best guy friend...don't know what to do to make it better watch

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    Hello, so I've never really done this before but I'm desperate for help.

    In my group of friends at Uni there was this guy. Didn't think much of him for the first semester but when we returned from Winter break we got to know each other better and very quickly became very close friends. We started hanging out alone a lot. One drunken night we ended up kissing. We talked about it the day after and agreed everything was good between us and that it was "no big deal".
    However, a week or so later he promised to take me to the train station at 5 AM so we stayed up all night together instead of sleeping. We watched movies and stuff but in the middle of it ended up kissing again. We laughed it off and claimed if we were both mature people it didn't have to affect our friendship just like he previous time hadn't. While I was away we talked every day and he told me he missed me and stuff. We promised we wouldn't do anything stupid because next year we were going to be flatmates and we didn't want to ruin anything (our friends were already hassling us about being too close and such).

    However, as you all probably guessed, we didn't really stick to our word and stuff kept happening between us. He admitted to having feelings a few weeks before summer and I admitted to feeling something as well, but we promised we would go about summer normally, since we weren't together or anything and would be apart for 4 months. Yet, it was kind of evident that both of us were unsure of how the other would feel if either of us hooked up with someone else while we were away. We kept talking during the summer, cute words would be exchanged from time to time and we talked on the phone occasionally when we had something important to catch up on as well.

    However, yesterday night while he was out drinking with his friends, he put me on the spot and texted me asking for a clear answer on whether we would be together when we came back in September or not. It was a very hard decision for me to make, especially because I hadn't expected to have to deal with the situation until September, but I had to tell him that due to the circumstances (living together during the upcoming academic year, and being in the same group of friends, and being such close friends) that we might be better off as friends.
    He respected my decision but soon got very frustrated at me and my reasoning. He told me he finally realized the saying "nice guys finish last" was true and that he would need a couple days or so to "reconsider his perspective on things" and figure things out.
    I understand that I have to give him his space and let him cool off. However, I am terrified that I have just lost my best friend and worried he won't want to live with me next year (we are staying with two other people in the flat as well).

    Any thoughts on what I should do or what to expect of him are all appreciated..!!
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    Bonk the arse of each other and see what happens next. You only live once after all
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    You know, whilst I am a believer of he old, don't rent studnt houses with your partners, all the people I know who have done it have worked it out. You two clearly want to be with each other. Give it a go if you want.

    Talk with him again, after he's cooled down, and maybe lay some ground rules?

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    Just make it happen. It's pretty obvious you're into each other.

    Ok so,

    You have 2 options.

    1. Reject completely and regret it when he meets another girl later on. There will be some initial awkwardness / him being hurt etc.
    2. Get together and see what happens.
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    Thanks guys jaja we would all love a happy-ever after in a relationship ending...lol but honestly I can't have this blow up in my flat next year . My guy friend has apologized for the argument and how it got out of hand. He's hoping to move past it and we've both promised to try our best to have this heal and be good again. So hopefully I'll have my best friend back and all will be good living together in Sept. Fingers crossed!
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    Well good luck to both of you. People don't just lose feelings for someone they like overnight. He's still going to like you, perhaps try to get your attention or he may be distant to avoid being too desperate. Either way, it's hard to see how things will be the same as they were before. See how things go, if things just keep getting out of hand then you should consider your friendship for your benefit
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    (Original post by UWS)
    Well good luck to both of you. People don't just lose feelings for someone they like overnight. He's still going to like you, perhaps try to get your attention or he may be distant to avoid being too desperate. Either way, it's hard to see how things will be the same as they were before. See how things go, if things just keep getting out of hand then you should consider your friendship for your benefit
    Thanks jaja yeah, no, I'm aware it's not going to be an easy task. But I'm hoping we can both be mature about things and not let feelings get the best of us or drive us to do something that would have us back on treacherous waters.
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    Pulling the 'nice guy' routine is a bad start by him and it sounds like he was trying to guilt you because you rejected such a 'nice guy.' It's no place for me to judge though and he may well have just said that in the heat of the moment and not have meant it.
    Heck I know I've said some pretty sucky things in the heat of the moment that has lost me a couple of friends

    Is your sole purpose for not wanting to be with him because of the flatmate issue? If it is, at the end of the day it is something very important to consider so maybe just ask him to wait until you're absolutely sure of how each of you may react in the event of a break up?
    If it's for more reasons than that, then there's no use in you forcing yourself to say yes to him. He should understand with time.
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    Either way, living together will be awkward. I don't think your reason was very good, especially since you kept thrusting your tongue down his throat and gave him mixed signals.
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    (Original post by YaliaV)
    Either way, living together will be awkward. I don't think your reason was very good, especially since you kept thrusting your tongue down his throat and gave him mixed signals.
    I was actually thinking this. Part of me feels like from what you've said, that you don't like him as much he likes you or you'd rather not have an awkward house than pursue something that could be great.

    I think that's pretty silly if that's the case.
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    (Original post by Harvlol)
    I was actually thinking this. Part of me feels like from what you've said, that you don't like him as much he likes you or you'd rather not have an awkward house than pursue something that could be great.

    I think that's pretty silly if that's the case.
    I know I'm not without fault, been feeling pretty guilty because of the way things turned out, trust me. However, it was BOTH of us who never started something concrete and both of us who agreed we would see how things went with the living together etc. and make a decision then. Yet, he ended up asking me to decide before we knew how the living situation was gonna pan out, and well I had to make the decision I thought was best in that moment.

    I thought we were on the same page but based on his reactions yeah, it is very possible that things ended up with him liking me more than I liked him. I didn't know this till we had the fight though.
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    (Original post by marmex)
    Yet, he ended up asking me to decide before we knew how the living situation was gonna pan out, and well I had to make the decision I thought was best in that moment.
    You did make the right choice as far as I can tell I think
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    You don't have to be in a relationship with him (although it does sound like you do have feelings for him). But, when the first semester starts again don't 'end up' kissing him again. If you want to just be good friends then don't confuse the issue. Being good friends is good enough but when kissing etc. gets mixed in the lines start to blur. Its confusing to both of you. even though you both laugh it off as nothing. You asked what you should do.... if you want him as only a friend treat him as only a friend... no drunken or late night kissing. That shows him respect and lets him know, clearly, what the relationship is. However, you both told each other you have feelings and I think you are going to find it hard to just be his friend. He sounds like he is a 'nice guy' and that is good. He's honest w/ his feelings. I think before you officially decide he's just your friend you need to see what happens once uni starts again. You've both expressed feelings for each other and that is going to be hard to pretend it didn't happen. But, again, if you ultimately want to just be friends don't get physically intimate with him.
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    Risk it for the biscuit imo
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    Stop suppressing your feelings you awkward plum

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    Risk it for the biscuit imo
    no
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    (Original post by Hopefully1)
    I think before you officially decide he's just your friend you need to see what happens once uni starts again. You've both expressed feelings for each other and that is going to be hard to pretend it didn't happen. But, again, if you ultimately want to just be friends don't get physically intimate with him.
    Yes, we have to see how September goes. But yeah, absolutely NOT going down that road again Jajaj trust me I have learned my lesson, and don't wanna confuse his or my own feelings with that again.
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    (Original post by ChargingStag)
    You did make the right choice as far as I can tell I think
    Thanks jaja I think so too.
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    (Original post by marmex)
    Hello, so I've never really done this before but I'm desperate for help.

    In my group of friends at Uni there was this guy. Didn't think much of him for the first semester but when we returned from Winter break we got to know each other better and very quickly became very close friends. We started hanging out alone a lot. One drunken night we ended up kissing. We talked about it the day after and agreed everything was good between us and that it was "no big deal".
    However, a week or so later he promised to take me to the train station at 5 AM so we stayed up all night together instead of sleeping. We watched movies and stuff but in the middle of it ended up kissing again. We laughed it off and claimed if we were both mature people it didn't have to affect our friendship just like he previous time hadn't. While I was away we talked every day and he told me he missed me and stuff. We promised we wouldn't do anything stupid because next year we were going to be flatmates and we didn't want to ruin anything (our friends were already hassling us about being too close and such).

    However, as you all probably guessed, we didn't really stick to our word and stuff kept happening between us. He admitted to having feelings a few weeks before summer and I admitted to feeling something as well, but we promised we would go about summer normally, since we weren't together or anything and would be apart for 4 months. Yet, it was kind of evident that both of us were unsure of how the other would feel if either of us hooked up with someone else while we were away. We kept talking during the summer, cute words would be exchanged from time to time and we talked on the phone occasionally when we had something important to catch up on as well.

    However, yesterday night while he was out drinking with his friends, he put me on the spot and texted me asking for a clear answer on whether we would be together when we came back in September or not. It was a very hard decision for me to make, especially because I hadn't expected to have to deal with the situation until September, but I had to tell him that due to the circumstances (living together during the upcoming academic year, and being in the same group of friends, and being such close friends) that we might be better off as friends.
    He respected my decision but soon got very frustrated at me and my reasoning. He told me he finally realized the saying "nice guys finish last" was true and that he would need a couple days or so to "reconsider his perspective on things" and figure things out.
    I understand that I have to give him his space and let him cool off. However, I am terrified that I have just lost my best friend and worried he won't want to live with me next year (we are staying with two other people in the flat as well).

    Any thoughts on what I should do or what to expect of him are all appreciated..!!
    Just tell him that you didn't mean it and you were just messing around. That usually works.
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    Turning someone down because you're too close or friends is the dumbest **** ever. Take a risk. Don't be so pathetic.
 
 
 
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