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I Asked Out My Manager (and it's not gone too badly) watch

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    In my previous job I found myself liking my manager early on but I knew that wasn't good and mentally stopped myself going there. Fast forward quite a while, I decided to leave and it was like a light switch turned back on and those thoughts were back. We never had a very formal of relationships, with colleagues we'd had drinks several times, we all get on well. we got on well, she came for drinks with us.

    I thought I'd hid liking her well but on reflection, I may have looked at her a bit more than I should but I don't think she knew how to take that. I think towards the end, once I'd given my notice, she might have felt more something was going on. I started to get more of the vibe she likes me and generally I am a good judge of people and can trust my gut on these sort of things.

    I left and at my leaving drinks never got her alone. So I asked her on FB, to the effect of 'sorry for having to ask on FB, now you're not my manager, do you want to go for a drink sometime'. She replied really chatty, said manager or not she's always up for a drink but she was busy all last week. I told her to get back to me, I've got a few weeks between jobs so I'm pretty flexibly on when I can do.

    I like her, I'm trying to play it cool but because she's someone I already know, my feelings are past where you'd normally be at first date. I don't trust myself to play it cool well because of this so I need you guys to be my common sense

    My last FB message saying 'let me know when is good' was last Monday so I kind of expected to hear something by now. I don't want to pester someone into a date, obviously it's then not worth it, so I've not said anything more to her.The chat we were having reached a natural lull at this point too so I didn't keep it going with further questions (perhaps a mistake but trying to be cool). Should I say something? When?

    Also, I've given you the relevant aspects of our conversation. Do you think there's possibility she was unclear I meant it as a date? This could be why she's being slower about it?

    Also, it is fair enough that she could just be busy. And if she's just not interested but then I'd like it to be clear so I could move on. It's this being left hanging that I don't like more than anything else.
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    Well if it came up the blue, then she most likely likes.
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    Wait a week or two, and in the next message just ask "just checking to see if you're still up for drinks" and try to highlight that it would be a date because I don't really think it was obvious. She may have realised but may not have. If she doesn't firm something that time I'd probably give up asking, and if anything was to happen wait for her to do it.
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    (Original post by AndrewSCO)
    Wait a week or two, and in the next message just ask "just checking to see if you're still up for drinks" and try to highlight that it would be a date because I don't really think it was obvious. She may have realised but may not have. If she doesn't firm something that time I'd probably give up asking, and if anything was to happen wait for her to do it.
    I think you're right, I wasn't clear enough and at some point it's up to her to want to pursue it to

    I was hoping the 'not my manager anymore' would give the date hint strong enough but not wanting to be too blunt either cause it was a bit scary to ask :lol: So yeah, I've probably not helped myself by creating that vagueness but I don't think I could have done it otherwise. My plan was to flirt quite obviously when we had a drink because then I could see how she reacts.

    Thinking back to her response I can't tell if she was unsure and playing it cool or saw what I might mean and tried to steer it towards just friends.

    Having taken the risk already and got a not negative reply, I'm more willing to make it obvious I like her and I want a date. I just have no idea how to say it without it being too much
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    (Original post by ckfeister)
    Well if it came up the blue, then she most likely likes.
    Sorry, I don't get what you mean. If it came out of the blue and she said yes then she probably likes me? How'd you figure that?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry, I don't get what you mean. If it came out of the blue and she said yes then she probably likes me? How'd you figure that?
    Well pretend you was the manager, a ex-worker who kept looking at you asked for a drink on facebook. What would your reaction be?
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    (Original post by ckfeister)
    Well pretend you was the manager, a ex-worker who kept looking at you asked for a drink on facebook. What would your reaction be?
    You're also right, it could have been obvious. Now I'm even less sure what I think :lol:

    But I think she might have been a bit oblivious but then surely now she'd have put two and two together, she is smart. She made a comment at my leaving drinks about me smiling more, she put it down to me being happy to leave (difficult situation not involving her) but also said ti was weird and she wasn't sure if I was laughing at her sometimes :lol:
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    Perhaps there is another option, she was to nice to say no but didn't want to flat out say it, especially given there was a chance I just meant it in a friendly way. So now she is kind of hoping it'll just go away but my gut still says she likes me


    I wish I hadn't thought of that possibility :lol:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're also right, it could have been obvious. Now I'm even less sure what I think :lol:

    But I think she might have been a bit oblivious but then surely now she'd have put two and two together, she is smart. She made a comment at my leaving drinks about me smiling more, she put it down to me being happy to leave (difficult situation not involving her) but also said ti was weird and she wasn't sure if I was laughing at her sometimes :lol:
    :lol: Well, pretend your them and then you'll understand other people a little more its like diving into their brain
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    Putting myself in her shoes, I think she likes me and she's an over thinker like me and is trying to play it cool because I left that bit vagueness- but then I am biased. That still doesn't explain the lack of reply, unless she is legit busy which is very possible. There is a possibility it was a polite no done badly but I think I like her enough to risk it.

    I'm away this weekend but maybe on Friday I'll send a message being a bit more 'I'm away this weekend but next week I'm still pretty free if you want to get a drink then?'. Then add on the end some smoother version of 'it'd be good to get a chance to get to know you better'- I don't think I'd use those exact words
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    So confused again! Some objective perspective please:

    I messaged her being like how about we do it Thursday or Monday. She replied saying someone else's leaving drinks are likely to be Monday. I wasn't going to be able to make it when they were on Friday so now I will. On one hand, this is more suggestion that she's trying to steer me away from a date without having to say no. On the other, she could just not get I mean a date. On the third hand, it is legit fair enough that Thurs/Mon don't work if we'll see each other on Monday.

    If I probably see her on Monday I probably won't get her alone. I can't do anything unprofessional in front of the team.

    If I message her just saying 'ok, probably see you Monday' I loose all date momentum. I kind of feel like I'd have to say something around how I want to have a drink with just her. But so un-smooth!

    My gut is now saying she's trying to say a nice no. But this is just FB messages, when in person my gut says she likes me which I can't quite discount but maybe it's wilful thinking. So then I think I need to say something generic in a message and re-asses where this is at on Monday. If I still feel she's interested, then I'll try to have a chat with her and if not try FB again.

    I don't want to be a pest type guy who doesn't know when to quit. But equally she's not said 'no'. I'm not adverse to being up front with her and just saying 'I'm confused, are you interested?' but again so un-smooth
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    If she hasn't said no, she hasn't said no so it's still fair play to ask. You do need to say something in the message or she will think you didn't mean it as a date.
 
 
 
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