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    Here is something that I've been working on that is based on My First Blog that I've been mostly playing about with. But feel free to to suggest any changes and I will edit to add them also most of it wouldn't of been possible without the bear

    The Details of her hair, Jewellery and clothes indicated that she was a Mum of mid twentieth century vintage that was something from the 1940's where there were air raids and rationing along with blacking out the lights by closing the blackout curtains, turning off the lights as soon as the air raid siren sounded.

    Back during the Second World War where there wasn't any obese women then due to the rationing. It was actually a very healthy life as things such as sweeties were on ration and didn't have to worry about calories. But Mothers had to wash their baby’s nappies by hand as there weren’t any disposable nappies back during the war

    Even though that the Mum lived in twenty first century Britain with her baby son that had a massive grown up head. He had short scruffy looking brown sugar. The back part just about came down to the base of the neck, a slightly unshaven face that didn’t seem to look too bad and had four upper teeth missing.

    The baby was able to speak like an adult as he had the ability to talk and use vocabulary for he had an adult mind. But every time that he spoke to his Mum she didn’t seem to hear nor understand him because like all grownup Adults she couldn’t understand baby speak for all Mum ever heard was the usual sounds and noises that any other baby his age makes and anything that he said was simply baby talk for he had no ability to talk and use vocabulary.

    But every time that he spoke to his Mum she didn’t seem to hear nor understand him because like all grownup Adults she couldn’t understand baby speak for all Mum ever heard was the usual sounds and noises that any other baby his age makes and anything that he said was simply baby talk for he had no ability to talk and use vocabulary.

    Even though that the baby still had an adult mind which sometimes seems to catch up to his body and was able to speak he did he have much of a say in anything whenever there were other grownups around like who changes him in where or who he's changed in front of whether it was any of her friends as he didn't like it whenever anyone else changed him or when he was being changed in front of and every time that the baby was in her company he often tried to tell his Mum how much he loved her

    The baby was at the age where he's unable to crawl let alone walk. But things like his toys and nappies were modern as the baby's nappies were disposable. Mum loved and cared for her child and often looked down at him smiling happily with her gaze focused wholly on her baby as she was tenderly cradling him in her arms

    He liked being cradled in his mother's arms and often gazed back up at her happily listening to the sound of her voice while she was talking or singing to him for he loved being in her company. Some of the things that really frustrated the baby was whenever he sees his mum about to put a pacifier up to his mouth and push in between his lips as the baby seems to refuse it by turning his head or whenever his nappy was full and felt uncomfortable along with that he didn't get much of a chance to suckle on her breast as his mum always seemed to wear items of clothing like a summer Tea Party Dress that made it hard for her to reveal her breast

    It was a hot summer day and Mum was sitting outside in the garden with the baby cradled in her arm, as he gazed up at her and watched as she took a few sips of Pimms that had been poured out into a glass of ice. Suddenly she jerked in surprise and her refreshing drink split down her cleavage.The baby was delighted and wanted to help her by licking the golden sweet liquid from her perfect alabaster skin.

    But instead she quickly placed the glass back onto the table with the baby's bottle and one or two of his toys then got a tissue from the box and used it to clean most of it up before getting up and going inside the house to change out of her flimsy cotton dress.

    A few moments later when Mum had come back outside with the baby after changing into a Banded empire style stretch poplin dress and a bottle of Pimms she went over to the blanket that she had laid down onto the grass and placed the baby down onto the blanket for a moment while she went back over to the table to pour herself a fresh glass

    Soon as Mum had poured out a fresh glass she put the bottle down onto the table then picked up her drink along with one or two of the baby's toys and his bottle then took them over to the blanket then placing the toys and the baby's toys and bottle onto the blanked as she sat down with her glass of Pimms

    After having a little play with her little one and had laid him back down Mum was starting to feel a bit sleepy so she laid down making sure that he was out of reach of her drink other wise he might knock it over and spill it then sprawled herself on the blanket and fell a sleep.

    As the baby lay next to his Mum and happily watched her as she slept in the sunshine. He couldn't help but feel as though she was a giant...an odd looking one. The baby wanted to tell his Mum how much he loved he. But knew that she was unable to hear or understand him not only that but he didn't want to wake her for she looked peaceful

    His gaze was fixed upon her like it was every time that he was being held in her arms, lying on the changing table when she's changing his nappy or inside of his cot. The baby was lucky that he had his Mum all to himself
    While the Mum slept she dreamed a strange dream. She dreamed that her baby reached out and helped himself to an open packet of Benson & Hedges and carefully pulled out a ciggie. Mum's elegant Ronson lighter was lying on the grass where she had dropped it. The baby lit up the ciggie and lay back on the rug blowing smoke rings. Bliss.

    Suddenly she found herself in her bedroom. The old fashioned Bakelite telephone beside her bed rang. she picked it up and a familiar voice spoke to her. It was her neighbour who was a Young Caucasian male that had feelings for her and even though that she loved her baby Mum secretly had feelings for him for she was scared

    Her heart skipped a beat every time she saw him or heard his voice. But despite having feelings for the man, Mum kept her true feelings that she had towards him hidden. He had called to ask if he could pop round for there was something that he needed to say. Mum happily obliged and said yes

    Soon after placing the phone down and as Mum was about to leave the room and go down stairs and wait for the man to come over she was starting to get excited and wondered what it was that he wanted to ask when suddenly she saw her baby enter the room and walking towards her. Mum just looked at the baby with a puzzled look upon her face as she was disbeliefed by what she's seeing

    How can her son be walking for he was at that age where he's unable to crawl let alone walk. When the baby had stopped as soon as he'd reached her Mum picked the baby up and cradled him in her arms. Her gaze was focused wholly on her baby as she was tenderly cradling him in her arms trying to work out how he was able to walk when suddenly she heard him say "I love you Mum" Mum gasped in horror and was starting to think that her baby walking and talking to her was all in her head.

    She was some how managing to be able to hear and understand her baby talking and if her baby could talk then why didn't he say anything till now. Also she hoped that the baby wouldn't talk in front of anyone
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    (Original post by sharkbate633)
    Here is something that I've been working on that is based on My First Blog that I've been mostly playing about with. But feel free to to suggest any changes and I will edit to add them also most of it wouldn't of been possible without the bear

    The Details of her hair, Jewellery and clothes indicated that she was a Mum of mid twentieth century vintage that was something from the 1940's where there were air raids and rationing along with blacking out the lights by closing the blackout curtains, turning off the lights as soon as the air raid siren sounded.
    Back during the Second World War where there wasn't any obese women then due to the rationing. It was actually a very healthy life as things such as sweeties were on ration and didn't have to worry about calories. But Mothers had to wash their baby’s nappies by hand as there weren’t any disposable nappies back during the war

    Even though that the Mum lived in twenty first century Britain with her baby son that had a massive grown up head. He had short scruffy looking brown sugar. The back part just about came down to the base of the neck, a slightly unshaven face that didn’t seem to look too bad and had four upper teeth missing.

    The baby was able to speak like an adult as he had the ability to talk and use vocabulary for he had an adult mind. But every time that he spoke to his Mum she didn’t seem to hear nor understand him because like all grownup Adults she couldn’t understand baby speak for all Mum ever heard was the usual sounds and noises that any other baby his age makes and anything that he said was simply baby talk for he had no ability to talk and use vocabulary.

    But every time that he spoke to his Mum she didn’t seem to hear nor understand him because like all grownup Adults she couldn’t understand baby speak for all Mum ever heard was the usual sounds and noises that any other baby his age makes and anything that he said was simply baby talk for he had no ability to talk and use vocabulary.

    Even though that the baby still had an adult mind which sometimes seems to catch up to his body and was able to speak he did he have much of a say in anything whenever there were other grownups around like who changes him in where or who he's changed in front of whether it was any of her friends as he didn't like it whenever anyone else changed him or when he was being changed in front of and every time that the baby was in her company he often tried to tell his Mum how much he loved her

    The baby was at the age where he's unable to crawl let alone walk. But things like his toys and nappies were modern as the baby's nappies were disposable. Mum loved and cared for her child and often looked down at him smiling happily with her gaze focused wholly on her baby as she was tenderly cradling him in her arms

    He liked being cradled in his mother's arms and often gazed back up at her happily listening to the sound of her voice while she was talking or singing to him for he loved being in her company.
    Some of the things that really frustrated the baby was whenever he sees his mum about to put a pacifier up to his mouth and push in between his lips as the baby seems to refuse it by turning his head or whenever his nappy was full and felt uncomfortable along with that he didn't get much of a chance to suckle on her breast as his mum always seemed to wear items of clothing like a summer Tea Party Dress that made it hard for her to reveal her breast
    It was a hot summer day and Mum was sitting outside in the garden with the baby cradled in her arm, as he gazed up at her and watched as she took a few sips of Pimms that had been poured out into a glass of ice.

    Suddenly she jerked in surprise and her refreshing drink split down her cleavage.The baby was delighted and wanted to help her by licking the golden sweet liquid from her perfect alabaster skin.

    But instead she quickly placed the glass back onto the table with the baby's bottle and one or two of his toys then got a tissue from the box and used it to clean most of it up before getting up and going inside the house to change out of her flimsy cotton dress.

    A few moments later when Mum had come back outside with the baby after changing into a Banded empire style stretch poplin dress and a bottle of Pimms she went over to the blanket that she had laid down onto the grass and placed the baby down onto the blanket for a moment while she went back over to the table to pour herself a fresh glass

    Soon as Mum had poured out a fresh glass she put the bottle down onto the table then picked up her drink along with one or two of the baby's toys and his bottle then took them over to the blanket then placing the toys and the baby's toys and bottle onto the blanked as she sat down with her glass of Pimms

    After having a little play with her little one and had laid him back down Mum was starting to feel a bit sleepy so she laid down making sure that he was out of reach of her drink other wise he might knock it over and spill it then sprawled herself on the blanket and fell a sleep.

    As the baby lay next to his Mum and happily watched her as she slept in the sunshine. He couldn't help but feel as though she was a giant...an odd looking one. The baby wanted to tell his Mum how much he loved her. But knew that she was unable to hear or understand him not only that but he didn't want to wake her for she looked peaceful

    His gaze was fixed upon her like it was every time that he was being held in her arms, lying on the changing table when she's changing his nappy or inside of his cot. The baby was lucky that he had his Mum all to himself
    While the Mum slept she dreamed a strange dream. She dreamed that her baby reached out and helped himself to an open packet of Benson & Hedges and carefully pulled out a ciggie. Mum's elegant Ronson lighter was lying on the grass where she had dropped it. The baby lit up the ciggie and lay back on the rug blowing smoke rings. Bliss.
    Suddenly she found herself in her bedroom. The old fashioned Bakelite telephone beside her bed rang. she picked it up and a familiar voice spoke to her. It was her neighbour who was a Young Caucasian male that had feelings for her and even though that she loved her baby Mum secretly had feelings for him for she was scared

    Her heart skipped a beat every time she saw him or heard his voice. But despite having feelings for the man, Mum kept her true feelings that she had towards him hidden. He had called to ask if he could pop round for there was something that he needed to say. Mum happily obliged and said yes

    Soon after placing the phone down and as Mum was about to leave the room and go down stairs and wait for the man to come over she was starting to get excited and wondered what it was that he wanted to ask when suddenly she saw her baby enter the room and walking towards her. Mum just looked at the baby with a puzzled look upon her face as she was disbeliefed by what she's seeing

    How can her son be walking for he was at that age where he's unable to crawl let alone walk. When the baby had stopped as soon as he'd reached her Mum picked the baby up and cradled him in her arms

    Her gaze was focused wholly on her baby as she was tenderly cradling him in her arms trying to work out how he was able to walk when suddenly she heard him say "I love you Mum" Mum gasped in horror and was starting to think that her baby walking and talking to her was all in her head.

    She was some how managing to be able to hear and understand her baby talking and if her baby could talk then why didn't he say anything till now. Also she hoped that the baby wouldn't talk in front of anyone
    a fascinating insight into the world of the nursery *
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    Your sentences are too long and barren of punctuation.
    "Her heart skipped a beat every time she saw him" - come on, use some imagination!
    Do you think a baby would think of anything more than how much he loves his mother? Probably - he'd think about being tired or hungry a hell of a lot, and probably would be fascinated by everything.
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    (Original post by StarvingAutist)
    Your sentences are too long and barren of punctuation.
    Maybe that's used for effect?
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    (Original post by StarvingAutist)
    Your sentences are too long and barren of punctuation.
    "Her heart skipped a beat every time she saw him" - come on, use some imagination!
    Do you think a baby would think of anything more than how much he loves his mother? Probably - he'd think about being tired or hungry a hell of a lot, and probably would be fascinated by everything.
    Hum fair point. But what could I have put instead of Her heart skipped a beat every time she saw him.
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    (Original post by Jordy24700)
    Maybe that's used for effect?
    I'm aware of this possibility; to me it isn't effective. If the long sentences are intentional, a successful example would be David Foster Wallace. Here's a random excerpt from "Infinite Jest" - "The little guy was asleep sick in bed upstairs in acetate pajamas with a hot water bottle on his chest and half a glass of OJ and a bottle of NyQuil and a foreign book and copies of 'International Affairs' and 'Interdependent Affairs' and a thick pair of specs and an industrial-size box of Kleenex on the bedside table and an empty vaporizer barely humming at the foot of the bed, and the guy was to say the least nonplussed to wake up and see high-filter flashlights crisscrossing over the unlit bedroom walls and bureau and teak chiffonier as Gately and associate scanned for a wall-safe, which surprisingly like 90% of people with wall-safes conceal in their master bedroom behind some sort of land- or seascape painting."

    And I have to admit that I only got around 200 pages through that book (1000 in total). It does make things rather tiring to read, eventually. What did it in DFW's case were all the footnotes, though. And bear in mind that this sentence contains a few commas despite its deliberate length and information-overload.

    (Original post by sharkbate633)
    Hum fair point. But what could I have put instead of Her heart skipped a beat every time she saw him.
    There are tonnes of books and poems where you can find alternatives.. make the reader empathise.
    E.g.
    http://www.mag4.net/Rimbaud/poesies/Evening.html
    http://www.mag4.net/Rimbaud/poesies/Romance.html

    I'm not telling you to write a poem, but to emulate their atmosphere. in fact, poetry might help you nail this sort of description. There are ways other than cliches to make the reader understand you.
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    TL;DR
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    (Original post by StarvingAutist)
    I'm aware of this possibility; to me it isn't effective. If the long sentences are intentional, a successful example would be David Foster Wallace. Here's a random excerpt from "Infinite Jest" - "The little guy was asleep sick in bed upstairs in acetate pajamas with a hot water bottle on his chest and half a glass of OJ and a bottle of NyQuil and a foreign book and copies of 'International Affairs' and 'Interdependent Affairs' and a thick pair of specs and an industrial-size box of Kleenex on the bedside table and an empty vaporizer barely humming at the foot of the bed, and the guy was to say the least nonplussed to wake up and see high-filter flashlights crisscrossing over the unlit bedroom walls and bureau and teak chiffonier as Gately and associate scanned for a wall-safe, which surprisingly like 90% of people with wall-safes conceal in their master bedroom behind some sort of land- or seascape painting."

    And I have to admit that I only got around 200 pages through that book (1000 in total). It does make things rather tiring to read, eventually. What did it in DFW's case were all the footnotes, though. And bear in mind that this sentence contains a few commas despite its deliberate length and information-overload.



    There are tonnes of books and poems where you can find alternatives.. make the reader empathise.
    E.g.
    http://www.mag4.net/Rimbaud/poesies/Evening.html
    http://www.mag4.net/Rimbaud/poesies/Romance.html

    I'm not telling you to write a poem, but to emulate their atmosphere. in fact, poetry might help you nail this sort of description. There are ways other than cliches to make the reader understand you.
    I see your point
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    (Original post by sharkbate633)
    I see your point
    Gl, hope you improve
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    (Original post by StarvingAutist)
    Do you think a baby would think of anything more than how much he loves his mother? Probably - he'd think about being tired or hungry a hell of a lot, and probably would be fascinated by everything.
    Do you mean something like "Mum, I need a Nappy change, Please change me"
 
 
 
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