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I don't even know anymore... Just need help Watch

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    #1

    Hi guys,
    So I'm currently 19, waiting to go to University, and I feel completely lost with myself.

    Bit of background-
    Before I was a teenager I started to get these feelings of not being worthy, not being loved, not being capable of doing anything in life- not knowing who I was. At that age, I was contemplating running away from home; I constantly found myself crying for no reason or worrying about things that never happened. These outbursts would usually last a few hours but I kept them to myself.

    They remained pretty dormant until I was 15. I started to have suicidal thoughts, and since that age, I've found myself getting wound up and depressed at least twice a month, over things that I never understood. I'd isolate myself from everyone, sit in the corner of my bedroom and cry until I woke up the next morning. When I was 17, things started to look up, but only for a few weeks. I then felt suicidal again. All I ever do is keep my emotions to myself, I suppress my tears when im with people, and completely let out when im on my own.

    Now over the past year or so, these feelings have strengthened. I've always been a pessimist so I never see anything good about myself, but I can always see good in others , whether I've known them 2 seconds or 8 years. But I've reached the point where I still continue to resent myself: I hate how im treated in this world, I hate how i feel oppressed by everyone in my life, I hate who and how I am. Maybe because of this I'm short tempered idk, I often find myself having a go at my family but for no reason. I just feel that these emotions that have been trapped for iver 7 years need to be released. And the only way that I cope, is literally by isolating myself and crying myself to sleep. And I just dont know what to do, I just hate my life. Do I carry on and live my life in consant unhappiness? Do I go to the GP and get some help? Do I continue to pretend that its not anything important that NEEDS to be seen professionally?

    I guess another thing to highlight is just the fact that I feel alone in this world. I have family, 'friends' etc, things that i should be grateful for, but when I've had these feelings throughout my life (they've preceded any times of happiness) I just dont feel grateful. I have no sisters and older brothers, who i just dont feel connected with. I have never spoken to anyone about this before, although at times of stress and anxiety, my parents noticed a change in my behaviour. I've been bullied for 10 years of my life, so I find it difficult to know who is there for me, and who is using me as a friend to get what they want. It could be for this reason that I confide in people really easily - because all I've ever needed in life is someone to talk to, someone whos by my side. I put all my time and effort in to those who need help at whatever time, but noone has ever done anything like that for me.

    Anyways, I just need some sense of direction from this. I dont know whether I need to get a diagnosis or whatever, because I really want to move on with my life, but these emotions are so raw and they interfere with my daily life. Im struggling to have friends because of it.

    Sorry for the length, but I've bottled this up for a good 7 years now, I need some guidance or something. Please?
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    Hello OP,

    I really think you should take a visit to your GP, even just to have an appointment set up with a Councillor. It seems like you need someone to just sit and listen whist you get this all out.

    Perhaps have a look into hypnotherapy, personally for me it didn't help but I know a lot of really great success stories from it!

    If you ever need someone impartial to just rant to feel free to pm me
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    Pretty much everyone's outlook on life.
    Try and keep busy and "invest" in something.

    In the same predicament so, I'm rewatching Battlestar Galactica, and planning to do some art.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by rubybrown1234)
    Hello OP,

    I really think you should take a visit to your GP, even just to have an appointment set up with a Councillor. It seems like you need someone to just sit and listen whist you get this all out.

    Perhaps have a look into hypnotherapy, personally for me it didn't help but I know a lot of really great success stories from it!

    If you ever need someone impartial to just rant to feel free to pm me
    Thanks ever so much, I really appreciate it. I think I tried hypnotherapy many years ago but it didnt help me either in the long run. Slightly scared to see the GP but I'll give it a shot
    Thanks again
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by HelpusPleasus)
    Pretty much everyone's outlook on life.
    Try and keep busy and "invest" in something.

    In the same predicament so, I'm rewatching Battlestar Galactica, and planning to do some art.
    Yeah I see ypur point, thats why im reluctant to go to GP.
    Thanks for the advice! I'll look into it aand find something
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks ever so much, I really appreciate it. I think I tried hypnotherapy many years ago but it didnt help me either in the long run. Slightly scared to see the GP but I'll give it a shot
    Thanks again
    Good luck OP x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by rubybrown1234)
    Good luck OP x
    Thank you😌 x
 
 
 
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