Should I cut contact with my crush?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Uni has finished now and I won't ever see her again. I never asked her out but she's dropped many hints that we're just friends and I can definitively say that she doesn't like me more than friends. It's been a year since we've been friends and I've liked her since. The feelings for her have been on and off, when I talked to her they came back but after some breaks in talking, the feelings stopped.

I think the friendship is good, that's what I think anyway. But I feel that I don't want to drive this friendship when I have feelings for her and if she's not going to give much effort to keep the friendship going then my efforts are just in vain.

Please, what should I do?
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Anonymous #2
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I'm a girl but going through a similar situation with a guy. He's finishing uni next year and I will still be there for another 5 years. I became really attached as he seemed to get me and everything seemed so easy. I was confused because he was so kind to me and seemed to really care that I developed a crush. It took me a while to realise that this is how he genuinely is with anyone he considers a friend and that what we had wasn't special at all and that was a difficult pill to swallow.*

I found having some distance and focussing on why having a relationship with the person wouldn't work has helped. It seems that you have found distance to help when you have had breaks from talking, the question is whether you want to maintain the friendship at all. If you don't then it's simple and you go for a clean break but if you do you will have to try to find a balance between distance and not going completely off the radar. *
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physicst
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Time is the best healer, wait and watch
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a girl but going through a similar situation with a guy. He's finishing uni next year and I will still be there for another 5 years. I became really attached as he seemed to get me and everything seemed so easy. I was confused because he was so kind to me and seemed to really care that I developed a crush. It took me a while to realise that this is how he genuinely is with anyone he considers a friend and that what we had wasn't special at all and that was a difficult pill to swallow.*

I found having some distance and focussing on why having a relationship with the person wouldn't work has helped. It seems that you have found distance to help when you have had breaks from talking, the question is whether you want to maintain the friendship at all. If you don't then it's simple and you go for a clean break but if you do you will have to try to find a balance between distance and not going completely off the radar. *
I don't want to lose this friendship. We were close and we were in a lot of classes so we worked on coursework together. I might just be saying it because I like her. Like you, I think she knew I liked her but she didn't have a problem with it. But it's just how I can continue being friends while having a crush on her, it's not possible.
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Anonbabes
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(Original post by physicst)
Time is the best healer, wait and watch
Preach!!☺ 💖👑
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Anonbabes
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Uni has finished now and I won't ever see her again. I never asked her out but she's dropped many hints that we're just friends and I can definitively say that she doesn't like me more than friends. It's been a year since we've been friends and I've liked her since. The feelings for her have been on and off, when I talked to her they came back but after some breaks in talking, the feelings stopped.

I think the friendship is good, that's what I think anyway. But I feel that I don't want to drive this friendship when I have feelings for her and if she's not going to give much effort to keep the friendship going then my efforts are just in vain.

Please, what should I do?
Move on! This guy showed several signs that he fancied me... I eventually found out he's got a gf but I was cool cuz I didn't fancy Him , just was kinda attracted to his personality.

Our first convro online was long and he'd remember little details the next day.. and would tease me using that. .

Eventually , he started acting cold and ignoring my messages , and taking me for granted. Ever since I've moved on/ trying to I've got peace of mind ☺☺ .
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Anonbabes
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't want to lose this friendship. We were close and we were in a lot of classes so we worked on coursework together. I might just be saying it because I like her. Like you, I think she knew I liked her but she didn't have a problem with it. But it's just how I can continue being friends while having a crush on her, it's not possible.
You can't really be just friends with somebody u like in that way
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonbabes)
You can't really be just friends with somebody u like in that way
So should I just stop talking to her now?

It's so sad
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Anonbabes
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So should I just stop talking to her now?

It's so sad
Have you read my previous post?

I know it can be hard, and it will take time
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BKS
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It's on your interest to move on. A friendship shouldn't be driven by a crush so don't make a special effort for her. Be friendly still but don't go out of your way to hang onto the friendship
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BKS)
It's on your interest to move on. A friendship shouldn't be driven by a crush so don't make a special effort for her. Be friendly still but don't go out of your way to hang onto the friendship
Thanks. It is difficult because I still like her and the fact that we became close this year doesn't help the cause. It's hard to just drop her as it is to move on but I will try
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username2549677
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I think you should move on , it's sad and I understand I had a similar situation this year with a friend and that person just dropped hints all the time and then they just walked out of my life and I have not seen them since , I just suppose you try that , as there are many other people in the world and trying to do things you like will help you , because it will take you mind of it , but I understand why it is so hard for you .
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ria25)
I think you should move on , it's sad and I understand I had a similar situation this year with a friend and that person just dropped hints all the time and then they just walked out of my life and I have not seen them since , I just suppose you try that , as there are many other people in the world and trying to do things you like will help you , because it will take you mind of it , but I understand why it is so hard for you .
It's only bothering me more now that uni is finished forever. Before, I never really thought about it, I just lived each day normally and enjoying each other's company. I will soon know if the friendship is strong enough to continue. It hurts me because we did a lot of things together at uni, we had a lot of good moments (better than most of my friends). She made me the person I am today, stronger (emotionally), more confident in myself and a better person all round.

Whilst I tried my hardest to not fall for her too much, I did have interests in other girls to try and move on. She was there to help set them up with me. I did try to talk to at least 2 other girls in the time, though never was able to secure a date and so the feelings came back for her.

So while she is a crush, she is also a good friend and I'm worrying about losing her, not just because I like her but because all the memories we had together. Now you see why it's hard
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username2549677
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's only bothering me more now that uni is finished forever. Before, I never really thought about it, I just lived each day normally and enjoying each other's company. I will soon know if the friendship is strong enough to continue. It hurts me because we did a lot of things together at uni, we had a lot of good moments (better than most of my friends). She made me the person I am today, stronger (emotionally), more confident in myself and a better person all round.

Whilst I tried my hardest to not fall for her too much, I did have interests in other girls to try and move on. She was there to help set them up with me. I did try to talk to at least 2 other girls in the time, though never was able to secure a date and so the feelings came back for her.

So while she is a crush, she is also a good friend and I'm worrying about losing her, not just because I like her but because all the memories we had together. Now you see why it's hard
Aww your story is making me cry, I have tears in my eyes .
But please don't be disheartened I believe everything happens for a reason and I understand losing her would be very upsetting for you and I know how you feel as my friend did that and after that I was just well type of heart broken with all the good memories we had , had together , and I know he is not coming back as he is gone and if he was to come back he would have as I also believe that if someone is meant to be there they will come back in your life otherwise they are just a passing cloud .
And I know but think about it it's made you stronger than before , that must be something good ? And it's hard when your uni has finished and with all the stuff you used to do and it's good she did try and set you up , but maybe they were not meant for you . I would say just be strong and you have to be really .
I'm so sorry you feel this way but just think of it in this way she made you a better person and thee will be many other people you will meet in life maybe not like her or maybe better than her , yes you will not be able to forget her but when you meet others you will alway make new memories with them and trust me it helps . As I have a friend now that I have new memories with and it's just helped so much as it made me forget the old memories.
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username2549677
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I'm not sure this helps but I am giving you my best advice as I know how it feels to be in that position.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ria25)
Aww your story is making me cry, I have tears in my eyes .
But please don't be disheartened I believe everything happens for a reason and I understand losing her would be very upsetting for you and I know how you feel as my friend did that and after that I was just well type of heart broken with all the good memories we had , had together , and I know he is not coming back as he is gone and if he was to come back he would have as I also believe that if someone is meant to be there they will come back in your life otherwise they are just a passing cloud .
And I know but think about it it's made you stronger than before , that must be something good ? And it's hard when your uni has finished and with all the stuff you used to do and it's good she did try and set you up , but maybe they were not meant for you . I would say just be strong and you have to be really .
I'm so sorry you feel this way but just think of it in this way she made you a better person and thee will be many other people you will meet in life maybe not like her or maybe better than her , yes you will not be able to forget her but when you meet others you will alway make new memories with them and trust me it helps . As I have a friend now that I have new memories with and it's just helped so much as it made me forget the old memories.
Thank you, it really means a lot!

She had a boyfriend when I started being friends with her but it was after seeing her, hanging out together and having classes together that I started liking her. She's a good talker which helped me because I'm quite shy so we had good conversations together. When she broke up, I thought I could move in but knowing that I would be the rebound guy, I kept my distance a little. But then we started taking more similar classes so I kept seeing her every day and so we hung out pretty much every day together at uni, that's when it started.

She's just a significant person to me and it's hard to come across girls like this. Usually I would talk to a girl and that would be that, I have never connected with a girl like this on so many levels before. I miss her already and I don't want to be so clingy so that it will scare her away.

It's sad with what you had to go through but it's good that you managed to find a positive out of it, I like your thinking. I may just have to live with what you said, it will be difficult but I will try
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username2549677
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you, it really means a lot!

She had a boyfriend when I started being friends with her but it was after seeing her, hanging out together and having classes together that I started liking her. She's a good talker which helped me because I'm quite shy so we had good conversations together. When she broke up, I thought I could move in but knowing that I would be the rebound guy, I kept my distance a little. But then we started taking more similar classes so I kept seeing her every day and so we hung out pretty much every day together at uni, that's when it started.

She's just a significant person to me and it's hard to come across girls like this. Usually I would talk to a girl and that would be that, I have never connected with a girl like this on so many levels before. I miss her already and I don't want to be so clingy so that it will scare her away.

It's sad with what you had to go through but it's good that you managed to find a positive out of it, I like your thinking. I may just have to live with what you said, it will be difficult but I will try
I see and understand and thank you , and I know I you should try a nap so things that makes you happy to take your mind off her , and I understand but I'm sure you will find someone else I'm not saying better than her or not as good as her but definitely different who will make you feel like you are with her and you will connect with them the same way it's just like finding a diamond in a pool of rocks it takes time . So don't worry and I know it's difficult but you will get through it trust me . Just go out more and socialise more this will help as it helped me
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username2549677
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you, it really means a lot!

She had a boyfriend when I started being friends with her but it was after seeing her, hanging out together and having classes together that I started liking her. She's a good talker which helped me because I'm quite shy so we had good conversations together. When she broke up, I thought I could move in but knowing that I would be the rebound guy, I kept my distance a little. But then we started taking more similar classes so I kept seeing her every day and so we hung out pretty much every day together at uni, that's when it started.

She's just a significant person to me and it's hard to come across girls like this. Usually I would talk to a girl and that would be that, I have never connected with a girl like this on so many levels before. I miss her already and I don't want to be so clingy so that it will scare her away.

It's sad with what you had to go through but it's good that you managed to find a positive out of it, I like your thinking. I may just have to live with what you said, it will be difficult but I will try
Thank you for , liking my thinking and your welcome
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Rorschach II
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't want to lose this friendship. We were close and we were in a lot of classes so we worked on coursework together. I might just be saying it because I like her. Like you, I think she knew I liked her but she didn't have a problem with it. But it's just how I can continue being friends while having a crush on her, it's not possible.
You answered this yourself mate.

I don't want to lose this friendship.
Don't cut contact with your rush then.
What you must do now is to get over any romantic interest in her, and quell those feelings, just so you can be great friends. Emphasis on friends.
It might be difficult, but it's not impossible to do, hardly.
Do what friends do, or whatever you usually do with friends, and perhaps even meet some new people and hopefully gain a romantic interest in someone else.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Rorschach II)
You answered this yourself mate.



Don't cut contact with your rush then.
What you must do now is to get over any romantic interest in her, and quell those feelings, just so you can be great friends. Emphasis on friends.
It might be difficult, but it's not impossible to do, hardly.
Do what friends do, or whatever you usually do with friends, and perhaps even meet some new people and hopefully gain a romantic interest in someone else.
Going by what the others have said, I don't want to lose this friendship, BUT I also don't want it to be a friendship that's just driven by a crush. If I'm trying so hard to keep the friendship then it would feel one-sided.

It's not going to be easy because girls like that are hard to come by, for me anyway. So I would need to find an equally or possibly better girl that I could connect with, which hasn't happened before. I will try to get over her but every day not seeing her is painful
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