Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi all,

    I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months, both in second year of uni. During term time, we're just under an hour away from each other. But during the breaks, he lives in Germany and I live in England.

    Now we're in our summer holidays and I can't see him for the full ten weeks, not even for a weekend trip, due to holidays/work etc. And even though so far it's only been 4 weeks, there's still another 6 to go and I can't cope.

    He is very distant - the majority of the time, I don't get good morning/night messages, or anything saying he's going to work or back from work. There's been times where he hasn't said he's going to work and just leaves my messages unread and then we won't talk for anther 16+ hours (he works from ~4ish til ~1ish in the morning) and I just find it totally ignorant. Of course I don't expect him to be messaging me all day when his family and friends are there but it's just surely common courtesy to say good morning/night and to say you're going to work rather than just completing dropping the conversation. For a month now we've spoken for 30 mins - an hour a day, sometimes less.

    It makes me feel completely unwanted the lack of affection I get from him. I've poured my heart out about how I feel a couple times and when I have I've been told that it annoyed him and he wanted me to leave him alone and just stop talking about missing him. It's like talking to a brick wall and has changed nothing. Even after all this all I got was "love you" and that's it (sounds stupid but I feel that 'love you' is different to 'I love you' but I get that may just be me). The lack of affection is getting to me because I feel he isn't missing me in the slightest, and even though he says I shouldn't doubt how he feels about me I do when he goes on like this.

    I love him but I'm just worried the time and distance is going to affect us and we won't be the same come September/term time which scares me. Sometimes I get really angry/upset at his complete lack of emotion/affection (made worse perhaps by hearing about my friends and their happy relationships) and other time I just go completely numb to it and think why bother, I should just call it off because I'm totally fed up.

    I'm not sure what I'm after - maybe advice or just knowing other people feel the same way. Sorry for how long this is, thanks if you got this far!
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi all,

    I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months, both in second year of uni. During term time, we're just under an hour away from each other. But during the breaks, he lives in Germany and I live in England.

    Now we're in our summer holidays and I can't see him for the full ten weeks, not even for a weekend trip, due to holidays/work etc. And even though so far it's only been 4 weeks, there's still another 6 to go and I can't cope.

    He is very distant - the majority of the time, I don't get good morning/night messages, or anything saying he's going to work or back from work. There's been times where he hasn't said he's going to work and just leaves my messages unread and then we won't talk for anther 16+ hours (he works from ~4ish til ~1ish in the morning) and I just find it totally ignorant. Of course I don't expect him to be messaging me all day when his family and friends are there but it's just surely common courtesy to say good morning/night and to say you're going to work rather than just completing dropping the conversation. For a month now we've spoken for 30 mins - an hour a day, sometimes less.

    It makes me feel completely unwanted the lack of affection I get from him. I've poured my heart out about how I feel a couple times and when I have I've been told that it annoyed him and he wanted me to leave him alone and just stop talking about missing him. It's like talking to a brick wall and has changed nothing. Even after all this all I got was "love you" and that's it (sounds stupid but I feel that 'love you' is different to 'I love you' but I get that may just be me). The lack of affection is getting to me because I feel he isn't missing me in the slightest, and even though he says I shouldn't doubt how he feels about me I do when he goes on like this.

    I love him but I'm just worried the time and distance is going to affect us and we won't be the same come September/term time which scares me. Sometimes I get really angry/upset at his complete lack of emotion/affection (made worse perhaps by hearing about my friends and their happy relationships) and other time I just go completely numb to it and think why bother, I should just call it off because I'm totally fed up.

    I'm not sure what I'm after - maybe advice or just knowing other people feel the same way. Sorry for how long this is, thanks if you got this far!


    Oh I got similar problem, I'm ending it with mine most likely... do what I do..

    List the benefits, negatives see if your better/worse off. If worse off (which yours sounds like) talk to him and say in your own way " you got 1 month to change or we're over, no more mr.Nice guy " >> CURRENT benefits/negative not future benefits.

    " No matter how busy a man is, if he really wants to see you, he will make time for you. No excuses, lies, or broken promises. If he is into you, he won’t be putting off making plans. In fact, he will be taking the initiative to make suggestions and set dates.See it as a red flag if he is always ‘too busy’ for you, yet seems to have time to go out with his friends or is always posting photos from parties on Facebook. " >> this is true too
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Bump, anyone else ever experienced this?
    • TSR Support Team
    • Very Important Poster
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Very Important Poster
    Peer Support Volunteers
    Clearing and Applications Advisor
    I had a similar situation in my last LDR relationship. Towards the end, when he moved into a friend's home and I found out I wouldn't be able to visit for months and months, he got annoyed at me when I was upset by the thought I wouldn't be able to see him and he grew more and more distant and eventually we broke up.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 20, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.