Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Cultural boundaries have ruined things watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Hey guys. In need of some serious advice regarding my first serious and current relationship.

    Long story short I met her a year ago and it was something out of a movie. I'd never felt such chemistry with someone and it was pretty much love at first sight. She lied about her ethnic origins and about a month or 2 into our relationship she told me (I'm too gullible but I had little reason to doubt her) There are very extreme cultural blocks. This doesn't just extend to her parents but an entire community across England. The consequences of this include not being allowed in public with her, strict curfews and often being called back home to which I have to race her back to hers to avoid disaster, seeing her maybe twice a week tops, very limited social media interaction and not being able to have any say at all really as everything has to be approved by her on top of a host of other things.

    At first I believed I could handle it and I even became more hopeful when one of her family members found out and liked me (this was massive) but things have gone wrong. She's stopped appreciating the sacrifices I make for her, likes to point out my flaws and has even started to become a little controlling. The magic is dying but has been dying since she told me she's going to uni in London a good 5 hour drive from me and was disappointed I couldn't come even though she wouldn't make a similar sacrifice for my sake. I know anyone would tell me to dump her but since we got together things have fallen apart for me. That's another thread entirely but I'm not in the best place right now and neither is she. I know it'd destroy her if I left as we've always helped eachother when things got tough in our separate lives. Her family member only approved of me because she could see the difference I made in her.I don't know what to anymore. I really don't. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place

    I don't want to leave. It'd be giving up the dream I've fought so hard for. I'm starting to doubt my ability to handle it
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Yathnkitsded)
    I couldn't come
    Because?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Not a healthy relationship.

    She either needs to embrace her cultural values fully and stop dating you or reject them and not treat you badly because of them.



    At the moment, you're getting shafted. The fact she's chosen to go to university 5 hours away shows her priorities are clearly:


    - Her Culture
    - Her University
    -
    -
    -
    -
    -
    -
    -
    -
    - ???
    -
    -With you being somewhere down here.


    SS
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    is she muslim?

    if so dont bother and move on, if it's this bad now it will never get better because she's in too deep, you can't undo a lifetime of brainwashing and save someone from their oppressive culture/religion if they willingly want to stay

    save yourself the agony, gave some dignity and self respect and move on

    (likelihood is you won't listen to this advice and will try to make it work until you break, but this story is as old as time so heed this wisdom for your own sake)
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    I think she's been quite selfish on her part messing you around like that. She would have been very familiar with her culture and restrictions well before getting into a relationship with you...so I don't understand why she still decided to go ahead with it. Unless she's willing to completely ignore her family's opinions on it all and be very open but I doubt she will. I do feel for you but you need to be more realistic. Be straight up with her, is it going to work in the long term? It seems like she doesn't have a clear direction herself. You're young so there'll be plenty more relationships, there are lots of other girls out there that you'll like just as much if not more but won't have to deal with all the difficulties you are now. I know it'll make you feel bad, but you WILL get over it....and it'll save alot of heartbreak in the future.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 22, 2016
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.