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    Hi, I'm an 18 year old girl and I have anorexia. Three years ago, I was treated as an outpatient by CAMHS but after being discharged, I quickly relapsed.

    My bmi is now 12.3. I'm not restricting or over exercising. In fact, I've maintained my weight at this level for over a year. But I've not been able to gain any weight.

    I'm so tired of being like this. I want to get well and I don't think I will be able to outside of hospital. I'm on the brink of going to the doctors and asking to be admitted to an eating disorders unit. But, I'm afraid that they will just put me in outpatient treatment which, I know from past experience, just won't work for me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, I'm an 18 year old girl and I have anorexia. Three years ago, I was treated as an outpatient by CAMHS but after being discharged, I quickly relapsed.

    My bmi is now 12.3. I'm not restricting or over exercising. In fact, I've maintained my weight at this level for over a year. But I've not been able to gain any weight.

    I'm so tired of being like this. I want to get well and I don't think I will be able to outside of hospital. I'm on the brink of going to the doctors and asking to be admitted to an eating disorders unit. But, I'm afraid that they will just put me in outpatient treatment which, I know from past experience, just won't work for me.
    I can see why you're worried about asking and potentially being put back with outpatient treatment but even if that were to happen some support is better than no support and there's nothing to say that it won't be different this time. You can discuss with your GP the fact that you did relapse so badly once you were discharged last time which is affecting how you feel about things, that that is why you want to be hospitalised etc. Just explain all your concerns. Honestly sweet it's really important you do go and have a chat with them and see what support you can get. :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, I'm an 18 year old girl and I have anorexia. Three years ago, I was treated as an outpatient by CAMHS but after being discharged, I quickly relapsed.

    My bmi is now 12.3. I'm not restricting or over exercising. In fact, I've maintained my weight at this level for over a year. But I've not been able to gain any weight.

    I'm so tired of being like this. I want to get well and I don't think I will be able to outside of hospital. I'm on the brink of going to the doctors and asking to be admitted to an eating disorders unit. But, I'm afraid that they will just put me in outpatient treatment which, I know from past experience, just won't work for me.
    If they feel it is in your best interests and it is the least restrictive option, then they may look at admission. If they feel that they can treat you in the community safely then they will most likely try that first as that is less restrictive than hospital.

    You've said that you are not restricting or over exercising. What anorexic symptoms are you showing at the moment? Your bmi is very low but it is positive that you haven't lost any weight. What support that you only get in hospital do you think is going to be effective for you? I would see your dr, explain what is going on and tell them what treatment preferences you have.


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    (Original post by Little Popcorns)
    I can see why you're worried about asking and potentially being put back with outpatient treatment but even if that were to happen some support is better than no support and there's nothing to say that it won't be different this time. You can discuss with your GP the fact that you did relapse so badly once you were discharged last time which is affecting how you feel about things, that that is why you want to be hospitalised etc. Just explain all your concerns. Honestly sweet it's really important you do go and have a chat with them and see what support you can get. :hugs:
    Thank you. I just feel as though things are out of my control and I want someone else to take over and control it all for me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. I just feel as though things are out of my control and I want someone else to take over and control it all for me.
    Completely understandable, that's why people with conditions like yours need treatment... Make sure you say all of this to your GP don't downplay how you're struggling.
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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    If they feel it is in your best interests and it is the least restrictive option, then they may look at admission. If they feel that they can treat you in the community safely then they will most likely try that first as that is less restrictive than hospital.

    You've said that you are not restricting or over exercising. What anorexic symptoms are you showing at the moment? Your bmi is very low but it is positive that you haven't lost any weight. What support that you only get in hospital do you think is going to be effective for you? I would see your dr, explain what is going on and tell them what treatment preferences you have.


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    Honestly, I don't know if I would be given an anorexia diagnosis. Last time I was in treatment, I was definitely met all the "criteria".

    Now though, the only "criteria" I meet for anorexia are fear of gaining weight, lack of menstruation and low BMI. I don't restrict (though I do weigh all my food and eat the same things every day at the same times), I don't over exercise, I see my body as it is and I don't like how it looks, I don't want to lose any weight. Deep down, I do want to gain but at the same time I don't.

    If I were to guess, I'd probably diagnose myself with EDNOS now. And I suppose given that I'm not losing or physically on the brink of death, they probably wouldn't want to admit me.

    I honestly don't think my family could cope with another round of outpatient though. It involves them trying to help the patient eat and that led to so many shouting matches that it almost tore my family apart.
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    (Original post by Little Popcorns)
    Completely understandable, that's why people with conditions like yours need treatment... Make sure you say all of this to your GP don't downplay how you're struggling.
    Thank you. I will try to be brave and do it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. I will try to be brave and do it.
    :hugs: hope it goes okay!
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    (Original post by Little Popcorns)
    :hugs: hope it goes okay!
    Me too! You're so kind.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me too! You're so kind.
    Aww thanks, made my day
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Honestly, I don't know if I would be given an anorexia diagnosis. Last time I was in treatment, I was definitely met all the "criteria".

    Now though, the only "criteria" I meet for anorexia are fear of gaining weight, lack of menstruation and low BMI. I don't restrict (though I do weigh all my food and eat the same things every day at the same times), I don't over exercise, I see my body as it is and I don't like how it looks, I don't want to lose any weight. Deep down, I do want to gain but at the same time I don't.

    If I were to guess, I'd probably diagnose myself with EDNOS now. And I suppose given that I'm not losing or physically on the brink of death, they probably wouldn't want to admit me.

    I honestly don't think my family could cope with another round of outpatient though. It involves them trying to help the patient eat and that led to so many shouting matches that it almost tore my family apart.
    go to your doctor, you are restricting because there is no way your body would maintain a BMI of 12.3 without being severely malnourished, you are also clearly not able to genuinely see what you're doing to yourself right now, a BMI of 12.3 is on the brink of death, regardless of what you're eating you could drop dead and you re putting your body under enormous strain

    It might be that you don't get rushed to a medical ward to wait for an emergency bed but I would really have thought you would be admitted to inpatient with a BMI that low, my OP treatment center refused to take anyone with a BMI under 13.5 as they were too medically unstable to be treated in the community, even if you were able to gain alone your BMI means you are at high risk of complications with refeeding so they will want you to be monitored medically

    don't fall into the trap of thinking that because you're not eating 300cals a day and losing 5lbs a week that you're not sick , anorexia presents in different ways and there are different phases of the disease, it's very normal to go through period where your weight is fairly stable (but too low) and doesn't mean you're 'better'

    best of luck
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    I am a professional patient in America. Maybe it is different in America because we have to pay for healthcare. I have learned over the years that if you feel you need help you need to tell the doctors that. You need to tell them, listen I need inpatient care for my eating disorder. You really need to speak up. You need to tell them that you had outpatient treatment and you didn't feel it was very successful and you need inpatient care and you are afraid you are going to relapse. I have some health problems too you and I know what it's like to suffer. I really hope you get the help you need and have a successful life,goodluck.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    go to your doctor, you are restricting because there is no way your body would maintain a BMI of 12.3 without being severely malnourished, you are also clearly not able to genuinely see what you're doing to yourself right now, a BMI of 12.3 is on the brink of death, regardless of what you're eating you could drop dead and you re putting your body under enormous strain

    It might be that you don't get rushed to a medical ward to wait for an emergency bed but I would really have thought you would be admitted to inpatient with a BMI that low, my OP treatment center refused to take anyone with a BMI under 13.5 as they were too medically unstable to be treated in the community, even if you were able to gain alone your BMI means you are at high risk of complications with refeeding so they will want you to be monitored medically

    don't fall into the trap of thinking that because you're not eating 300cals a day and losing 5lbs a week that you're not sick , anorexia presents in different ways and there are different phases of the disease, it's very normal to go through period where your weight is fairly stable (but too low) and doesn't mean you're 'better'

    best of luck
    No, no believe me. I understand that my weight is dangerous and I truly want to change. But, when I say that I am not restricting, I'm not lying. I have maintained my current BMI for over a year now. I eat 1200 calories a day. I just can't make myself gain weight alone. The idea is too scary. I want to, but I feel that it will require a hospital setting. My last attempt at outpatient, as I said, caused me to relapse after I was discharged. After that, I managed to stabilise myself and get myself eating enough to maintain. However, I've since been stuck at this level for a year.
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    (Original post by emobambam)
    I am a professional patient in America. Maybe it is different in America because we have to pay for healthcare. I have learned over the years that if you feel you need help you need to tell the doctors that. You need to tell them, listen I need inpatient care for my eating disorder. You really need to speak up. You need to tell them that you had outpatient treatment and you didn't feel it was very successful and you need inpatient care and you are afraid you are going to relapse. I have some health problems too you and I know what it's like to suffer. I really hope you get the help you need and have a successful life,goodluck.
    Thank you. It's difficult with the NHS. I understand that due to lack of funding and beds, they only admit critically ill patients and there are long waiting lists for beds. I will fight my corner for inpatient but I highly doubt that they will admit me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. It's difficult with the NHS. I understand that due to lack of funding and beds, they only admit critically ill patients and there are long waiting lists for beds. I will fight my corner for inpatient but I highly doubt that they will admit me.
    well, I really wish you good luck then. I really hope you get the treatment you need. A lot of time in America when somebody says they have a eating disorder they're usually sent to a psychiatrist. Who wants to go to a psychiatrist?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, I'm an 18 year old girl and I have anorexia. Three years ago, I was treated as an outpatient by CAMHS but after being discharged, I quickly relapsed.

    My bmi is now 12.3. I'm not restricting or over exercising. In fact, I've maintained my weight at this level for over a year. But I've not been able to gain any weight.

    I'm so tired of being like this. I want to get well and I don't think I will be able to outside of hospital. I'm on the brink of going to the doctors and asking to be admitted to an eating disorders unit. But, I'm afraid that they will just put me in outpatient treatment which, I know from past experience, just won't work for me.
    munch on nuts
    like whatever kinds of nuts you like, peanuts, cashews whatever and watch as the pounds pile on just eat them throughout the day
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    (Original post by emobambam)
    well, I really wish you good luck then. I really hope you get the treatment you need. A lot of time in America when somebody says they have a eating disorder they're usually sent to a psychiatrist. Who wants to go to a psychiatrist?
    Thank you so much. Yeah, I've seen more than my fair share of hopeless psychiatrists.

    (Original post by timebent)
    munch on nuts
    like whatever kinds of nuts you like, peanuts, cashews whatever and watch as the pounds pile on just eat them throughout the day
    Thanks for the advice, I know it is well meant but trust me, I know the nutritional value of everything if by heart so I know that nuts are very calorie dense. I know exactly what I should be eating to gain weight and how much. My not putting on weight is s psychological problem: I am afraid to put on the weight therefore I do not let myself eat as much I know that I need to in order to put on weight. You see? That is why I feel I need to be in hospital. I can't do this alone.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No, no believe me. I understand that my weight is dangerous and I truly want to change. But, when I say that I am not restricting, I'm not lying. I have maintained my current BMI for over a year now. I eat 1200 calories a day. I just can't make myself gain weight alone. The idea is too scary. I want to, but I feel that it will require a hospital setting. My last attempt at outpatient, as I said, caused me to relapse after I was discharged. After that, I managed to stabilise myself and get myself eating enough to maintain. However, I've since been stuck at this level for a year.
    I completely understand how you feel, I struggled with anorexia myself. But you also must know 1200 is not a reasonable number of calories to eat per day. It's the lowest someone on a diet should go and that's intended to be short term (it's also based on the fact the person needs to lose weight for health and will be using their fat reserves) and tbh 95% of people you hear saying they are 'eating 1200' will be having 1-2 days a week where they eat plenty over that so will average higher, but as an anorexic my guess is you have 1200 and that's that, there's no bottle of wine with friends or pizza night. I have met other people in the same boat as you, luckily you seem to have a real will to recover which is very important as (as you know) it is ****ing hard and there will be some utterly terrible days/weeks.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    I completely understand how you feel, I struggled with anorexia myself. But you also must know 1200 is not a reasonable number of calories to eat per day. It's the lowest someone on a diet should go and that's intended to be short term (it's also based on the fact the person needs to lose weight for health and will be using their fat reserves) and tbh 95% of people you hear saying they are 'eating 1200' will be having 1-2 days a week where they eat plenty over that so will average higher, but as an anorexic my guess is you have 1200 and that's that, there's no bottle of wine with friends or pizza night. I have met other people in the same boat as you, luckily you seem to have a real will to recover which is very important as (as you know) it is ****ing hard and there will be some utterly terrible days/weeks.
    Of course, yes I do know that 1200 a day is by no means healthy. I just wanted to make sure you understand that I am no longer actually restricting. I know I need to eat more, both to gain and then to maintain a higher weight. And I'm going to need help with that. But, I'm afraid that the doctors will think that because I'm eating relatively normally, they don't need to admit me.

    I'm really sorry to hear that you have struggled with anorexia. I know that it is a sensitive topic and you have been so kind in sharing advice with me already, so please don't feel that you need to tell me any more than you're comfortable with. But, could I ask whether you were ever inpatient? And if you were, what led to that?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Of course, yes I do know that 1200 a day is by no means healthy. I just wanted to make sure you understand that I am no longer actually restricting. I know I need to eat more, both to gain and then to maintain a higher weight. And I'm going to need help with that. But, I'm afraid that the doctors will think that because I'm eating relatively normally, they don't need to admit me.

    I'm really sorry to hear that you have struggled with anorexia. I know that it is a sensitive topic and you have been so kind in sharing advice with me already, so please don't feel that you need to tell me any more than you're comfortable with. But, could I ask whether you were ever inpatient? And if you were, what led to that?
    I understand how you feel about the doctors, but I think with your bmi and situation they would probably admit you as soon as possible - if there are no beds available probably to a general hospital until they could find space. Your bmi is dangerously low and you're at significant risk. I know this because I was in basically the same situation. Fortunately in my case they did have a spare bed straight away but I know that the NHS doesn't always work that fast.

    Specialists are experienced with eating disorders and understand that you don't have to fulfill all the criteria to get help. It's clear you have a serious problem and you sound like you really need the help, and I reckon they will see that too and should give you the help you need. It would really concern me if they turned you away, or only offered you outpatient care. You say you're eating relatively normally, but 1200 calories isn't normal and is restriction. You're restricting your diet if you're maintaining a weight that is under healthy for you. You don't have to have weird food behaviors or be trying to lose weight to have a problem. Your health is at risk, you are clearly very unhappy - that is more than enough.

    So please go to the doctors, and hopefully they'll give you the help you need.
 
 
 
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