Friendship should always be 2 ways, right?

Basically, my best friend only really talks to me when she wants something out of me. I know that I'm not necessarily her best friend, and I'm fine with that. But at the moment it seems that she is quite happy to ignore me for weeks, maybe months on end but then if she wants something or everyone else has turned her down I get a phonecall to go to town or whatever. Some of her best friends are close mates of mine and she cuts off my access to them, really, as I only see them when I see her. She moans constantly that one of her friends uses her when he wants her, and just expects her to be there. SHE'S DOING IT TO ME but can't see it!!

I'm going to Uni in September, she's not- will this be the end? :frown:

If I'm not even in the same town she might not even acknowledge my existence until the time comes when all the rest of her mates have let her down. Good old Steph is not there as she always was.

How can I tell her that it gets me down that she is effectively using me?

Reply 1

Segat1

16

TBH Why bother with her? You'll meet so many people at uni that you'll probably fall out of touch, esp if she only calls you when she wants it. She sounds like a piece of work, I'd make the most of going to uni myself.

Reply 2

noodles!

OP

14

Segat1

TBH Why bother with her? You'll meet so many people at uni that you'll probably fall out of touch, esp if she only calls you when she wants it. She sounds like a piece of work, I'd make the most of going to uni myself.

I know it's the logical thing to do, and half the time I feel that way, but she's the only friend I have I feel I could tell anything to. There are a couple more people I would consider best friends, but I couldn't tell them everything =/

Reply 3

Segat1

16

Look, at uni you'll meet heaps of people. Who will actually care and won't use you. And you'll forget about her because she'll never be in contact. I just would walk away.

Reply 4

neboo

namakemono

I know it's the logical thing to do, and half the time I feel that way, but she's the only friend I have I feel I could tell anything to. There are a couple more people I would consider best friends, but I couldn't tell them everything =/

If you feel like you can tell her anything, then that rather implies that you have enough of an open relationship for you to be able to talk to her about how her behaviour is making you feel. But if you don't feel like you can tell her what you've told us then it might be best to reconsider how close you really are. If you think that going to Uni will lead to you eventually losing touch with her anyway, then you really have nothing to lose by talking things through with her surely?

I've been in this situation before, and all I can say is that things will probably just get worse if you bottle your feelings up.

Reply 5

smellielli

1

I think that its not fair for someone to make all the effort in a friendship. So I don't think you should have to. Although, from experience it's just the way some people are.

Reply 6

Schroedinger's Pandora

13

I had a best mate just like the one you described - She finished her finals at uni a couple of months ago so we decided to have a "last night out" together.. And guess what? She expected me to pay for everything, was in a mood the entire night because she wasn't happy with her outfit, and left with a random bloke at 12 o'clock :rolleyes:

That's how much I meant to her, and she left town the following day (2 days early!) without so much as a goodbye, and took with her all the stuff I'd let her borrow over the years.. And she had a lot of my stuff!

Not heard a peep from her since.

My advice to you is to see your "friendship" how it really is, and regardless of how openly you feel you can speak to her.. Just be aware that it well might just be a friendship of convenience for her.

Reply 7

Libbelle

I've been in the same situation too infact most people who were meant to be my friends hardly made an effort, I think you should tell her how you feel and if she's decent enough she will take what you have said on board and if she doesnt then theres thousands of potential new friends to make at uni.

Reply 8

username47781

20

You don't need a friend like that, to be honest she isn't a true friend, it seems she just wants to use you when she feels like it.

Reply 9

noodles!

OP

14

She's done it again. The person she considers her best friend has let her down again. So who does she phone to moan to? Me.

She even told me that she couldn't phone 2 people who are higher than me in the "hierarchy".

GRRRRRR.

Reply 10

lea164

That sounds so similar to my old 'best friend'. It's best to cut your losses now and forget about her. Friend's who do nothing but upset you shouldn't be your friends at all. Believe me you'll be much happier without her.

Reply 11

hannah_dru

2

She probably can't see her own faults. A lot of people can't. I know it's gonna be hard because she's your best friend but it could save you a lot more stringing a long if you ditch her now. You can't call her a friend if she does this to you.

Reply 12

Yellowmarshmellow

In a friendship, the two people should make an equal effort, she doesn't sound like a good friend at all and im sure you have much better friends than her who aren't out for themselves only and actually want a proper friendship.

Reply 13

SkinnyPuppyBones

I had a freind who was exactly the same and he would have the nerve to tell me that I was moaning whenever i tried to turn to him.
In fact I was suffering clinical depression and could really have done with him reciprocating the kind of support I gave to him.

I eventually told him to piss off and after withdrawing my support he has got nowhere in life because he is weak cowardly and self deluding, I have many testimonies to back up my opinion of him.

Frankly youre better off without this friend I know I am, it is much easier to make new friends and be yourself without the shadow of someone like that hanging over you.

Reply 14

Planto

16

Sounds like it's time to move on and get new friends.

I don't understand how she can "cut off your access" to the others, though. Can't you just contact them directly?

Friendship should always be 2 ways, right?

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